Chapter 19 #2
Tentatively, as if I were a wild animal and he was afraid I might lash out, he put a hand on my knee. “I don’t know what to say.”
I tried to find my voice then shook my head when I failed.
Trevor took a deep breath, hand still on my leg, and moved so he was sitting beside me.
Once he had, he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him.
I was still hugging myself when I leaned into his chest. Already, my eyes had filled with tears, and being in his arms was so familiar, so comforting, that the dam struggling to hold in my sobs broke within seconds.
They spilled over, running down my cheeks as my body quivered.
My throat was raw from my earlier cry and my eyes burned, but I didn’t care, and even if I had, there would have been nothing I could do about it.
We stayed like that for a long time, Trevor silently holding me while I cried myself out. Even then, we only shifted to a different position. He leaned back, and I curled into him, sniffling into his chest. Probably ruining his shirt. He didn’t complain.
When I was once again in control of my emotions, I pulled back slightly, wiped the back of my hand across my face, and said, “Thank you.”
“I don’t think I did all that much.”
“You did.” I shifted so I could see him, then rolled my eyes at the large wet spot on his shirt. “I’m going to have to pay for your dry-cleaning bill.”
He gave me a crooked smile. “I never liked this shirt, anyway.”
“Sure.”
Again, silence settled over us, but this time, it was short-lived.
“I don’t know what to say, Ara,” Trevor said for the second time. “I wish I did. But I just don’t. And I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. I mean, this whole thing is…”
“A violation?” I filled in when it was clear he was at a loss for words.
“That and so much more,” he replied.
I let out a long, tired breath. “But I’ll get through it.”
“You’ll get through it,” he repeated confidently.
I looked down, focusing on my currently flat stomach as I once again tried to wrap my mind around the fact that a life was growing inside me. It was impossible.
“What next?” Trevor asked.
I shifted my focus to him. “I’ll have an ultrasound and genetic testing at ten weeks.”
His head bobbed slowly. “And your due date?”
“February twenty-sixth.”
“Well,” he said, “at least you won’t be super pregnant during summer.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “True.”
“And it will be a good excuse if there are holiday parties you want to get out of.”
“Also, true.”
“And if you’re having a bad day, you can be as rude as you want, and you’ll be able to blame it on hormones.”
This time, my laughter was genuine. “Another good point.”
Trevor took my hand, and I looked into his eyes. “And I’ll be there for you. The whole time. No matter what.”
Emotion clogged my throat, but evidently, I was all cried out, because no tears filled my eyes.
“Thank you,” I replied, and gave his hand a squeeze. “For everything.”
“That’s what I’m here for.”
Even though Teresa never would have asked how my appointment had gone, I felt compelled to tell her the news and headed straight to her office when I arrived at work the next morning.
As usual, her door was open, so I rapped my knuckles against the frame.
My boss looked up from her computer, her brows pulling together at the sight of me. “Ara.”
“Have a second?”
“Of course.”
I stepped into the room, and this time, she showed no surprise when I pulled the door shut behind me.
The click of the latch was loud in the otherwise silent room, as was the exhale I let out before saying, “It was positive.”
Teresa blew out a breath like I’d punched her rather than told her I was expecting. “Oh, Ara, I’m so sorry.”
Like Trevor, she seemed not to know what else to say. Which I got. I was also thankful she didn’t congratulate me or act like I was lucky.
“Thanks.” I wrapped my arms around myself the way I had the day before. “I just wanted to let you know in case I get sick or something and have to miss work.”
“Whatever you need,” Teresa replied. “And know that even if full compliance wasn’t the law, you would still have the total support of the office.” Her mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “Of course, it is the law, though.”
“Yes,” I said, slumping slightly, “it is.”
There was a small pause before she asked, “And how are you feeling so far? No sickness yet?”
“No, although I just missed my period a few days ago, so I’m not sure if it’s too early for that.”
“I think everyone is different,” she replied. “It started quite early for me, as I recall.”
“For you?”
Teresa was in her sixties, and as far as I knew, didn’t have any children.
None that she spoke of, anyway. I’d assumed she had been one of the majority of women who were infertile, although now that I thought about it, I realized that she’d been in her thirties by the time fertility issues became prevalent.
Maybe she’d had a baby before that, and something went wrong?
“Yes,” she said, giving me a sad smile. “RNA-33 affected so many of us, but probably not in the way you imagine. We talk about infertility all the time now, but no one discusses what it was like after that pandemic. Yes, there was a significant decrease in fertility, but there was also a decline in healthy births. A major decline.”
I’d known that but had never thought about it before, and I swallowed, for the first time wondering what that meant. Wondering how it had affected my boss.
“My husband and I got married in 2030, just three years before RNA-33,” Teresa went on.
“We were in our mid-twenties and in no rush to have a family because despite the pandemics that had plagued our lives, we felt like we had so much time ahead of us. We had no way of knowing that the pandemics would continue, or that they would affect the world in ways we could never have imagined. Even after RNA-33, we didn’t really know, which was why we were thrilled when I found out I was pregnant.
“It was the end of 2035, and life was returning to normal as the most recent pandemic tapered off, and the future was looking hopeful. My pregnancy, too, progressed normally through the first and second trimesters. Even when the news about the decline in healthy pregnancies hit, I didn’t worry because everything seemed okay, and there were still so many unknowns about those statistics.
It was why we were so blindsided when things came to a horrifying end at the beginning of the third trimester.
” Teresa sucked in a slow, strained breath before continuing her story.
“It was devastating, but we didn’t yet know just how bad things could get, so after giving my body time to recover, we tried again. I got pregnant right away.
“Things were the same the second time around, but the doctors had enough information to know what to look for, and they were unsurprised when I lost the baby at the end of the second trimester. By that point, news about the decline in fertility and speculation about how RNA-33 had affected women’s ability to carry babies was rampant, but my husband and I weren’t ready to give up.
We tried again. And again. And again.” Teresa shook her head.
“By then, getting pregnant wasn’t a problem for most women, it was staying pregnant that was the real issue.
I wasn’t alone in that. I guess it made it easier because so many people were going through the same thing, but I’m not positive about that.
Either way, I lost a little bit of myself every time I had to say goodbye to my unborn baby.
Seven in total. Imagine the toll it took. ”
I couldn’t.
She exhaled, her shoulders slumping, then said, “Regardless of my loss, I’ve never thought The Fertility Act was a blessing.
I know what it means to have something that’s a part of you ripped away when you can do nothing about it, which is how I imagine women like you must feel about the whole thing.
It’s sick, and no matter what we’ve suffered, there’s no excuse for it. ”
“I’m sorry,” I said when it was clear she wasn’t going to go on. “For what you went through, I mean.”
“It was a long time ago.”
Again, we lapsed into silence, but this time it was coated with both bitterness and melancholy, which I was ashamed to admit, made me want to leave.
What she’d been through was tough, but I had my own issues at the moment and had never really been the type of person who had room in their life for other people.
Except Trevor, who understood my need for occasional solitude.
Wanting to get away, I pulled my phone from my pocket and checked the time. “I should get to work.”
Teresa shook herself the way a person did when they were trying to clear their mind. “Yes. Me, too.”
“Thanks, Teresa,” I said as I moved to the door.
“You’re welcome, Ara. And good luck.”