Chapter 20 #3
The receptionist’s cheeks reddened even more, and she glanced away.
Shifted. My gaze didn’t falter, and I felt sure Bette was judging me.
Not that I cared. I didn’t have a say in much of what was happening to me, but I would stand up for the things I could control, and this was one. I deserved privacy. Everyone did.
“I–I’m sorry,” the receptionist stammered. “I’ll try to control myself.”
“Try?” I gave her an icy glare. “I think you should do more than that considering my best friend is an attorney. I’d hate to have to sue you for a HIPPA violation.”
She visibly paled even though my threat had no merit.
I couldn’t sue the Department of Fertility.
No one could. The president had deemed infertility a national crisis in 2046 when he established the Department of Fertility, giving them absolute authority and making them untouchable.
Not that the receptionist seemed aware of that.
“Yes.” She nodded emphatically. “Of course. Again, I’m sorry.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling smugger than this small victory should have warranted.
“You can sit.” She waved toward the waiting room. “I’ll let them know you’re here.”
I didn’t bother thanking her this time.
Unsurprisingly, Bette had watched this all play out.
Surprisingly, she had a small smirk on her face, and she even gave me a conspiratorial wink when I passed her.
Which confused the shit out of me. Despite some of her reactions during group, I still thought of her as being on their side.
The Department of Fertility had given her the baby she’d so desperately wanted, after all.
I took a seat on the overstuffed couch and, to my annoyance, Bette walked over to join me rather than heading for the elevator.
“That was amazing,” she said in a low voice. “It’s disgusting how they flaunt all our private information.”
She looked down, focusing on my stomach, and I stiffened, waiting for her to mention that I was pregnant.
I’d refused to talk during the last support group no matter how hard Destiny had tried to draw me into the conversation because I hadn’t been ready to share my news, and being able to walk away without having to admit I was pregnant had made me feel more in control.
Unfortunately, that control had been ripped away thanks to Department of Fertility Barbie. The bitch.
Before Bette could say anything about my condition, the frosted glass door opened, and Hilary stuck her head out. “Ara?”
I groaned inwardly. Seriously, being in this program was torture enough without having to deal with this chick all the time. I mean, it wasn’t like she was a doctor or nurse, so why did she have to be a part of this?
I got to my feet, not bothering to hide my irritation, and Bette gave me what I thought was an encouraging smile.
I wasn’t positive what it meant, but I also didn’t care.
I just wanted to get all of this over with so I could get to work and distract myself with the account I was currently working on.
Obviously picking up on my mood, Hilary’s eyes crackled as she pushed the door open wider, but she was still smiling. Of course, she was. The creepy bitch.
“Ultrasound time!” she declared in a sing-song voice that reminded me of a preschool teacher trying to get her students excited about learning.
“Good luck!” Bette called just as I stepped through the door.
I let it swing shut without replying.
“This way,” my fertility counselor said, waving for me to follow as she headed down the hall.
She had her tablet in her hand, which she powered on as she walked.
“How have you been feeling? Not too bad, I hope. Your wristband has alerted us to some morning sickness and disruption in sleep, but it seems to be fairly mild.”
I wouldn’t have called puking my guts out most mornings mild, but since I supposed other women had it worse, I simply said, “I’m okay.”
“Good, good.” Hilary typed something into the tablet, her gaze flicking from it to the hall as she worked and walked at the same time. “Any other issues?”
“I’ve been tired, and my breasts are sore.”
“Both are normal.” Her eyes flicked my way as she offered a bright smile that made me want to punch her. “Did you know that during the first trimester a pregnant woman’s body at rest is working as hard as someone running a marathon?”
“Um, no,” I replied, thinking about Owen.
“It’s true!” Hilary exclaimed. “You aren’t just creating the baby right now, but the placenta as well, which is your child’s lifeline.”
“It’s not my child,” I corrected.
Her steps slowed, and she blinked like she thought she hadn’t heard me right. “I’m sorry?”
“You said it was my child, but that’s not true. I’m not keeping it and I didn’t choose this.”
Hilary stopped walking completely. “Is there a reason you always have to dwell on that, Miss Murphy?”
“Because it’s the truth,” I replied. “None of this was up to me. I was forced into it.”
Hilary let out an exasperated breath, then started walking again, shaking her head. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Fine with me,” I muttered as I followed.
She led me to an exam room where the nurse who disliked me so much was already waiting, her supplies laid out on a wheeled tray.
“Arabella Murphy?” she asked when I stepped in even though her unhappy expression said she knew who I was.
“Yeah.” I took a seat on the exam table and offered her my arm, ready, as Hilary had put it, to get it over with.
“Eager, isn’t she?” the nurse said in a sarcastic tone, addressing Hilary, who snorted.
I said nothing.
The nurse wrapped a tourniquet around my forearm, tapped the crook of my elbow a few times until she found a vein, then effortlessly inserted the needle.
Once it was in place, she added a tube to the end, allowed it to fill with blood, then pulled it free.
She shook it a few times, mixing the blood with the gunk in the bottom of the tube before setting it aside and repeating the process.
Three tubes of blood later, she placed a cotton ball and Band-Aid on my arm and removed the tourniquet.
“All done.”
“Thanks,” I said with no gratitude in my voice, eyeing the stolen blood.
The nurse exchanged a look I could neither read nor care about before taking the vials and leaving the room. Once she was gone, Hilary got down to business.
“The ultrasound will be trans vaginal,” she said, opening a cabinet and retrieving a few things, “so you’ll need to undress from the waist down. You can cover using this.” She set a folded paper blanket next to me on the exam table and gave me a bright smile. “Any questions?”
I eyed the paper, knowing it was supposed to provide some semblance of modesty but also aware that it wouldn’t work, and in a flat voice replied, “No.”
Hilary’s mouth twitched, but it was the only noticeable change in her expression. She really was well trained. “Great! I’ll step out, so you can undress and so I can get the ultrasound tech. Be back in a few!”
Her chipper words hung in the air even after she’d left, making it impossible to move right away. Knowing there was nothing I could do to avoid this, though, I forced myself to get down to business, and once I was undressed, there was nothing to do but wait.
This wouldn’t be the first ultrasound I’d had.
They’d given me one before I entered the program and another before implantation to make sure I was fertile, and I’d had one at sixteen when I reached the farm, but this somehow felt heavier.
It would also make this whole thing so much more real, which I wasn’t ready for.
Despite the nausea, exhaustion, sore breasts, and the day I’d gotten the positive results, I’d mostly been able to ignore what was going on with my body.
But today I would see the thing growing inside me, and even though I’d searched for pictures and knew it would only slightly resemble a baby at this stage, there would be a heartbeat. And I would hear it.
The only sound in the room as I waited was the whoosh of air coming from the vents, but even that was unnerving.
The other times I’d been in this position, I’d been able to hear people in the hall, either talking or walking past, but now it was so silent I felt totally alone, which had my imagination running wild.
What if there was a sudden alien invasion in which every person in the world was sucked into a spaceship except me?
I’d be pregnant and alone with no option but to raise this kid, which was the last thing I wanted.
The thought was crazy, but maybe that was what I was now. Crazy.
I jumped when a quiet knock sounded and said, “Come in.”
It opened a second later, revealing Hilary, an ultrasound tech, as well as Dr. Hendricks.
“Ready?” the tech asked in a neutral tone. Which I appreciated. I was so tired of people acting like this was a happy occasion.
“Sure.”
I lay back without having to be told, scooting to the edge of the table as I focused on the ceiling.
The motivational poster was different in this room, this one displaying a dog jumping and the words Aim High, but it was just as ridiculous.
Even so, it gave me something to focus on as the others went about their business.
There was movement and quiet talking, then the groan of medical equipment being pulled closer to the table.
“Feet in the stirrups,” the tech said in the same bored tone.
I obeyed, moved when instructed, then braced myself when a foreign object entered me.
“There we go,” the doctor said, not talking to me. “I see the uterus. Now move it around. Yes, like that.”
I tuned them out, concentrating on the poster as well as silently singing a song to help distract me. It worked. So much that before I knew it, the whole thing was over, and the tech was removing the ultrasound wand and handing me tissues.
“You can get dressed when we head out.”
I removed my feet from the stirrups and sat up. “Everything okay?”
I wasn’t even sure why I asked because I didn’t care. Well, that wasn’t true. I did care because whatever their answer was, it would affect me. Affect my body.
“We’ll have to wait for the blood tests to tell you anything,” the doctor answered for the technician, but a look was exchanged that I didn’t miss and couldn’t interpret. Even so, it had my scalp prickling.
Before I could ask anything, the door was pulled open, and the doctor hurried out, calling over his shoulder, “You can take care of this, can’t you, Mrs. Tantor?”
“Of course,” Hilary said in her brightest tone before turning to me. “Get dressed and we can talk about what happens next.”
Then she and the tech exited the room, leaving me with a sinking feeling in my gut.