Chapter 42
Forty-Two
“We can’t give him up,” Marc whispered as we lay in bed, me in his arms and his fingers moving up and down my arm.
“Him?” I said, biting back a smile. Something I still couldn’t wrap my brain around. Thinking about my baby made me smile. Made me happy. It was insane but true.
“Or her.” He kissed the top of my head. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as we’re together.”
“I don’t know how we’ll manage that,” I said. “Even if I keep the baby, we can’t let anyone know it’s yours. They’d throw us both in jail.”
Marc exhaled. “We’ll figure that out later. Somehow.”
“Somehow,” I agreed.
It seemed so far-fetched. Women who kept their babies moved to government neighborhoods like the one Bette had supposedly been sent to, and with another pandemic sweeping the country, they were more like internment camps.
Marc had told me all about it. They were fenced in now, and there was security.
No one could leave and no one who didn’t have clearance could go in.
If I lived there, that would include Marc.
How would we do it, then? Pretend we started corresponding after my time here and it eventually turned into a relationship? It could work, but it would most likely be years before we were allowed to be together. Not until the pandemic ended, at the earliest.
The thought sickened me, so I pushed it aside. I wouldn’t focus on that now. Now I would put my energy into this baby. It was all I could do.
“Canada is taking in refugees,” Marc said from out of nowhere.
“What?”
“Refugees,” he repeated. “They’re offering asylum to any fertile woman who can get across the border. We could go there. Make a new life for ourselves.”
I snorted but only half because the idea of us getting to Canada was so ridiculous.
“Of course, they’re taking in fertile women. It’s not out of the kindness of their hearts, Marc, so don’t think it is. It’s to help them build up their population.”
Marc frowned as he thought about it. “Maybe or maybe not. Either way, it’s got to be better than here.”
“I’m sure it is,” I said, “but it’s also impossible.”
“Yeah. I know.”
He sounded so forlorn that I planted a kiss on his cheek. “We’ll figure it out. I promise. For now, I’ll talk to Hilary. Let her know I changed my mind about keeping the baby.”
His hold on me tightened. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, but it’s not just for you. I couldn’t give it up, Marc. Not now. I love you too much.”
In response, he rolled me onto my back and covered my mouth with his.
For the first time ever, I was actually looking forward to seeing Hilary.
I had a skip in my step as I headed to her room for our session, and holding in my smile was impossible.
Every time I thought about Marc, I thought about our baby, and vice versa, and for once, the future looked bright.
I didn’t know how we’d manage to get our family together, but I was confident we’d figure it out. Then we’d live happily ever after.
I knocked on Hilary’s door five minutes before my scheduled time and it opened a second later.
She had a slightly shocked expression on her face, which morphed into suspicion when she took me in.
I got it. I was pretty sure she’d never seen me smile before today, and as big as it was, it had to look clownish. Not that I cared. I was flying high.
“Good afternoon,” my minder said as she motioned for me to come in.
“Good afternoon.”
I took the couch as usual, grinning from ear to ear despite the way Hilary was eyeing me.
Maybe I should have tried to rein it in, but from my perspective, there was no reason for her to be suspicious of my good mood.
If anything, she should be happy I was finally coming around and enjoying my time in this place.
“You’re in a pleasant mood today,” Hilary said when she’d taken a seat. “Did something happen?”
“I’m pregnant,” I replied with a shrug, “and I’ve decided I want to keep the baby, so I’m happy.”
Hilary blinked. “You want to keep the baby.”
It wasn’t a question, but I responded anyway. “Yes.”
“But you’ve been adamant this entire time that you had no desire to be a mother.”
“I changed my mind. You told me I might.”
“Yes, well, that was before I got to know you. With as sure as you’ve been, however, I didn’t think it would be an issue. You’ve said over and over again that you didn’t want a baby.”
For some reason, I felt compelled to defend myself. “But I’m allowed to change my mind. It’s in the contract.”
“Yes,” she focused on her tablet as she said, “it is, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I said, my smile wavering a little.
“Well, we have months to figure all this out. For now, let’s focus on how you’re feeling.
” Hilary tapped her finger against the screen of her tablet as she spoke.
“It looks like your sleeping patterns haven’t changed but since the doctor assured me it’s okay, I’ll let it go. How’s your appetite been?”
“Good. Not great, but I’m eating.”
“Excellent.” She typed something then, keeping her eyes on her tablet, said, “And you’re getting plenty of exercise, I see. That’s good.”
I bit back a smirk. If only she knew what kind of exercise I was getting.
Hilary continued talking, asking questions and making comments, but didn’t look up from her tablet a single time.
It was strange because she usually liked to give me disapproving looks, plus I’d thought she would be thrilled I’d changed my tune, but I brushed off the change.
Maybe she liked having someone to despise and was disappointed I wasn’t going to be a problem anymore. It tracked with her personality.
The weeks passed, and my pregnancy progressed.
I had some morning sickness, but much less than I’d had with my previous pregnancies, although certain foods did make me nauseated.
Bananas, red sauce, and eggs were the biggest culprits.
My exhaustion grew, and I found it difficult to stay awake at night and wait for Marc or sometimes even to wake up at all when he arrived, but that didn’t stop him from coming to my room.
If I couldn’t keep my eyes open, he would simply wrap his arms around me, pull me close, and go to sleep.
Sometimes I didn’t even hear him come and go.
Christmas passed, but there was very little celebration and the mood in the hotel was more somber than ever.
The news from the outside world was spotty and dictated by what Collins shared with us, but not good.
Occasionally, I would hear rumors that someone had been told a loved one died from the virus, but since I kept mostly to myself, I didn’t know how true that was.
I also didn’t want to think about it because it terrified me too much.
I hated not knowing what was going on with Trevor.
I was ten weeks along when the last day of 2067 rolled around, meaning it was time for an ultrasound. After what had happened with my last pregnancy, I was nervous, but excited as well since I would get to see my baby for the first time. If only Marc could go with me.
Hilary was her usual standoffish self when I met her at the clinic.
“Everything still good?” she asked in a clipped tone.
“No complaints.”
She pressed her lips together then yanked the door open and waved for me to go in. I did, stopping at the front desk where a soldier whose name tag read Michaels sat.
“Arabella Murphy?” he asked, looking up from the tablet.
“That’s right.”
I’d stopped correcting people when they called me by my full name weeks ago since there was no point. They didn’t care what I preferred to be called.
He typed something in then focused on Hilary. “They have you set up in five.”
Getting ready for my appointment was almost second nature now.
Hilary escorted me to the cubicle, left, I undressed from the waist down, then climbed on the exam table and spread the paper sheet across my lap to wait.
Normally, the sight of the stirrups filled me with dread, but this time around, they seemed as innocent as a kitten.
It was shocking how much my attitude had changed, but understandable as well.
I felt like I’d had a say in this pregnancy, which wasn’t something I could have claimed before.
The doctor, Hilary, and a nurse arrived at the same time, filing through the curtain in a line.
“And how is the mommy today?” the doctor asked brightly.
“Doing well.”
“Good, good.” He scanned the tablet in his hands.
“I know you had an abnormal pregnancy in the past, and because of that, we’ll want to keep a close eye on you, but let me assure you, it was most likely a fluke.
” He looked up and smiled. “I have every reason to believe this time around will be different.”
I put my hand on my stomach. “I hope so.”
Hilary, who stood by the curtain listening, pressed her lips into a disapproving line. Why, I didn’t know, and I didn’t have enough time to focus on it because at that moment, the nurse pushed the cart toward me.
“I’m going to draw some blood before we move on to the ultrasound, okay?”
I put my arm out.
After the nurse finished, it was time to get into place. I scooted down and put my feet in the stirrups, anxious for it to start both so I could hear my baby’s heartbeat and so I could reassure myself everything was okay.
Two minutes later, the doctor made a satisfied sound and pointed to the ultrasound monitor. “There’s your baby.”
I stared at the black and white image, awed to speechlessness.
According to the book I’d been given, the fetus was about the size of a prune at this stage, so I hadn’t been sure I’d be able to really make anything out.
I’d been wrong, though. Yes, the image was fuzzy, but the outline of a head and little arms and legs were clearly visible.
Tears sprang to my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. I didn’t want to miss even a second of this.
“I’m just going to take some pictures,” the doctor said, moving the wand around.
The view shifted, and he captured the image, then repeated the process while I watched in silence. Choked up and desperately wishing Marc were here.
“That will do it,” he said when he was done, then focused on me. “Do you want a few pictures to take with you?”
My heart leapt as I thought about showing them to Marc tonight.
“Yes!”
Hilary, who’d moved behind me, made a little noise, but I ignored her.
The doctor hit a button and, like magic, the machine spit out a few images. He tore them off and passed them to me.
“Now let’s check out the heartbeat.”
I hadn’t thought anything could affect me as much as the ultrasound had, but I’d been wrong, because when the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of my baby’s heartbeat filled the cubicle, I almost burst into tears.
“It’s so fast,” I whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“That’s normal,” the doctor replied.
He let it go on for a few seconds, then flicked the machine off without warning. A second later, he’d pulled the ultrasound wand from me, and the screen went black. It was disappointing but okay since I had the pictures.
“Keep us informed if you have any issues. Cramping, bleeding, and things like that.” The doctor got to his feet. “Otherwise, we’ll see you back in four weeks.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“You’re very welcome,” he replied, then ducked out of the room.
“I’ll step out so you can get dressed,” Hilary said as she crossed the cubicle.
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. All I could do was stare at the pictures of my baby.
Since it was New Year’s, we’d been allowed to stay up until after midnight, and it was nearing two o’clock in the morning when Marc slipped into my room.
He smiled when he saw me sitting up in bed. “Couldn’t sleep after the big party?”
“Right,” I rolled my eyes because it had been the most depressing New Year’s Eve party I’d ever attended.
Marc crossed to me, kicking off his shoes and pulling his shirt over his head. He dropped it to the floor and got to work on his pants, so that by the time he climbed into bed at my side, he was wearing only his boxer briefs.
He kissed me lightly. “Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year,” I replied, then said, “I had an ultrasound yesterday.”
Marc’s eyes widened, but I couldn’t tell if it was in fear or excitement. “Everything is okay, isn’t it? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with the baby, right?”
“Everything is fine. I got to see him. Got to hear the heartbeat.”
His eyes sparkled when he grinned. “Him?”
“I don’t know if it’s a boy. It’s too early, but I don’t like saying it.”
“I get that.”
“Anyway,” I shifted so I could grab the ultrasound pictures off the nightstand, “I have something to show you.”
I held them out when I turned back, and his eyes widened again.
He took them from me gingerly, blinking like he was holding back tears, and studied them in silence.
First the top one, then the next, then finally the third.
He didn’t say anything, but I could tell he was as affected by the images as I had been.
“Our baby,” he finally said. “I can’t believe it.”
He was still staring at the picture when he put his hand on my stomach.