Chapter 43
Forty-Three
Everything with my bloodwork came back normal, which was a relief even though I’d expected as much after the ultrasound.
Days passed, then weeks, and then it was time for another checkup.
I was fourteen weeks and in the second trimester, which was farther than I’d ever gotten before.
The book said my baby was the size of a lemon and had fully formed organs and was in the process of growing fingernails. I couldn’t even imagine it.
Again, everything was normal, and again, I was able to hear the baby’s heartbeat.
Marc and I poured over the baby book each night, going over what would happen next, talking about what it would be like to feel our baby move, and discussing possible names.
We had more than a month until we would be able to feel the baby, and about that long before I started showing, but I couldn’t wait.
I also couldn’t wait to share every moment with Marc.
It wasn’t until my twenty-week checkup that everything came crashing down.
“You’re at the halfway point!” Hilary exclaimed as she and I headed to my assigned cubicle.
Despite my extreme dislike of this woman, I couldn’t help returning her smile.
I’d yet to feel the baby move, but it would be soon, and I couldn’t wait.
Recently, I’d noticed that my waistline had thickened, and my stomach was no longer totally flat when I lay on my back. My baby was now the size of a banana.
“Hopefully the next half goes by as fast as the last twenty weeks have,” I said as I pushed my way through the curtain. “I can’t wait to meet my baby.”
“Yes,” Hilary said then busied herself with her tablet.
She’d been standoffish lately, which was fine with me. The less I had to talk to the woman, the better.
The doctor and nurse came in and did the normal stuff.
Blood pressure, checking the fundal height, asking how I’d been feeling, and all that stuff.
After that, the doctor did another ultrasound, which was even more awe inspiring than the last one had been.
I could see the baby’s profile, its little heart beating in its chest, its spine, as well as its arms and legs moving.
It was so active, too! It kicked, squirmed, and even lifted its hand to its mouth like it was going to suck its thumb.
“He’s an active little guy,” the doctor commented.
“Is it a boy?”
“Well,” he said, moving the ultrasound wand across my stomach, “let’s just see if we can confirm it.”
A few seconds of silence passed as he tried to get a good view, and I stared at the screen, my breath held and my heart pounding. I didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t excited to find out.
“Right there,” the doctor finally declared, then paused the image. “See that.” He pointed at the screen. “It’s a boy!”
A boy. A son. My son.
I couldn’t wait to tell Marc.
Like before, the doctor printed out a few pictures then excused himself, leaving me alone with Hilary. I wiped the ultrasound jelly off my belly, pulled my shirt down, and got to my feet, waiting for her to dismiss me, but she didn’t act like she was in a hurry to leave.
“There’s something I need to discuss with you,” she said after a slight pause. “I know you’ve mentioned that you changed your mind about keeping the baby, and I understand this isn’t going to be easy to hear, but I need you to remain calm.”
Her tone turned my blood to ice. “What are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I be calm?”
“Unfortunately,” she went on, avoiding looking at me, “it’s been decided that you are not a candidate for motherhood.”
She said it in such a matter-of-fact way and with so little emotion that at first, I didn’t get her meaning. Then I did and I had to sit down. I was so shocked, so caught off guard, that I was rendered speechless. I literally couldn’t form words. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t real.
“But I have a contract,” I managed to get out.
“A contract that can be changed at any time at the Department of Fertility’s discretion,” Hilary replied.
“The government wants what’s best for everyone in the program, and you have to admit that your behavior has been questionable from the beginning.
Your attitude, exposing yourself to secondhand smoke, poor sleep habits, defiance at every turn.
All of that has been taken into consideration, Miss Murphy, and it’s been determined that it would not be in the best interest of you or the baby for you to remain together.
Which means that after you give birth, the Department of Fertility will find the baby a good home with suitable parents. ”
“My baby,” I mumbled.
“What was that?” Hilary asked.
I’d been staring at the floor, but I looked up. “My baby. It’s my baby. My son. You can’t take him away from me. He’s mine.”
“He belongs to the Department of Fertility,” Hilary said in that same matter-of-fact tone.
“No.”
My shock had been replaced with anger. My face was hot, my fists clenched, and I wanted to scream. How dare the Department of Fertility do this to me? First, they forced me into this, and now they were going to steal my child. No. I wouldn’t let them. They could not have my baby.
“Like I said,” Hilary continued, “I know this will be hard, but you have to admit it’s for the best. Until recently, you didn’t want a baby. You don’t want to be tied down. You’re too selfish for that, and I promise one day, you’ll look back on this and be thankful.”
“Thankful?” I repeated, seeing red now.
“That’s right.” Hilary smiled. “Thankful.”
My fist made contact with her nose without me even realizing I’d lashed out.
I’d never hit anyone before and was shocked both by the pain that radiated through my knuckles when they slammed into her nose and the blood that sprayed from her nostrils, as well as the crunch of cartilage.
She screamed and her hands flew to her face, but there was nothing she could do to stop the flow.
It painted her chin and neck red, dripped onto her shirt, and even the floor.
It was like a faucet had turned on. And it was probably the most satisfying thing I’d ever seen.
But I wasn’t done yet. Not by a long shot.
“You bitch,” I snarled as I shoved her. “You’re not taking my baby!”
Hilary’s back slammed into the portable wall, shaking the cubicle, and she let out another scream.
She shouted for help, and male voices responded.
Vaguely, I was aware of the thud of footsteps, but I couldn’t make myself care.
Couldn’t stop what I’d started. Wouldn’t.
This woman, this monster, was trying to steal everything from me, and I wasn’t going to roll over and do nothing to stop her.
I slapped her across the face, and she went down.
“Ara,” she gasped, staring up at me, her face smeared with blood, her eyes shimmering with tears, “please, calm down.”
“Calm down?” I screamed. “You have to be fucking kidding me! You’re trying to steal my baby.”
“It’s not up to me.”
“Where are they?” a male voice called.
“Five, I think,” another responded.
“It’s not up to me,” Hilary repeated.
“You’re a liar. You report everything that happens. You told the government I wasn’t fit. You hate me. This is your fault!”
I moved to hit her again but was cut off when two soldiers rushed through the curtain.
They paused to take in the scene, and I tried to move around the closest one, but he was too fast. He grabbed me by the waist, held me back.
I fought against his hold, screaming at Hilary, cursing at her, acting like a lunatic.
Maybe I was. I felt like I was going crazy.
“Get her under control,” the other soldier barked.
“I’m trying,” the one holding me said. “Calm down! Calm down!”
I wouldn’t. Couldn’t. I wanted to kill Hilary.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance.
When I refused to listen, the soldier slammed me face first into the ground, pulled my hands behind my back, and dug his knee into my spine. “Calm. Down.”
“She’s pregnant!” Hilary screamed. “Don’t hurt the baby!”
“I’m not gonna hurt the baby,” the soldier said, “but I am going to get this bitch to calm the fuck down.”
I was panting and crying, my heart beating a million miles a minute, but I stopped fighting. It was no use, anyway. I’d never had any power here.
“Good,” the soldier said. “Now I’m going to move, and you’re going to stand, and you’re going to remain calm. Understand?”
“Yes,” I whined.
He shifted his weight, freeing me, then yanked me to my feet. It hurt to have my arms behind my back, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. It felt like it was being ripped to shreds and I was pretty sure that after this, it would never be the same.
Hours had passed since I’d been brought to solitary.
It was just a room in one of the hotel’s several villas and wasn’t much different from where I’d been staying for the last six months.
Although the mirror had been removed from the bathroom, which I assumed was to prevent anyone from trying to slit their wrists.
Despite how unobtrusive the room was, I knew I’d entered a whole different ball game.
From now on, I would be cut off from everyone.
There would be no distracting myself with movies or cards or the piano, and no nights with Marc.
I would stay here, night and day, week after week, until I gave birth, and then my baby would be taken from me. After that, I would go to prison.
No one had told me the last part, but they didn’t need to.
I’d been a problem since entering the program, and now I’d attacked Hilary.
There was no coming back from this, but that wasn’t even the worst of it.
The worst was knowing my baby would be out there in the world and I would never see him.
Would never get to hold him. Would never get to be his mom.