Chapter 55
?rim
Before leaving them, S’samph had pulled ?rim aside to show him the IA paperwork.
Cassie’s protective custodial documents.
?rim suspected things had been bad while he was healing, but he hadn’t realized the extent.
The paperwork catalogued a list of concerns justifying S’samph’s preliminary application: attempted suicide, anorexia, and extensive self-harm with documented examples.
His energy core spiking, ?rim stopped reading after the first three items. “All of this?”
“It is not as bad as it was.” S’samph transferred the document with a quick tap of his wrist interface, but ?rim could already see evidence of the damage without reading more for the moment.
Cassie was thin, more bones than flesh at this point, and she glared at S’samph every time the latil’e came anywhere near her.
“I am less concerned now that you have returned, but I am still concerned,” S’samph said with a lash of his tail. “If you don’t feel recovered enough to take on her responsibility, I will hold it until you are.”
?rim tapped his off-center wrist nodes. She was his aoseria. His responsibility. Regardless of what any paperwork said. “Cassie is safe with me. I’ll keep her safe.”
“I am available if you need me. There will be a guardianship revision hearing in two standard months.” S’samph exited the conversation with a flick of his frill and remounted his levibike.
When ?rim went inside, Cassie was waiting for him with her head peeking out the door.
Is everything ok? she asked. Her eyes slipped over him as if checking for damage.
Gently, he took her hands in his, pushing up her sleeves.
Cassie flinched, and ?rim tried his best to hide the instinctive recoil at the mess of scars, all in various stages of healing, crisscrossing her forearms.
“My aoseria. What did you do to yourself?” He held out his arms for her. She shook her head.
I don’t want to break you. Eleri said no activity until you’re better.
“I’ve already held you. I didn’t break.”
I can’t, she said, tears streaking down her face as she averted her gaze from her exposed injuries. I broke my promise. I tried to leave.
“But you’re here now. We both are.” ?rim slid her sleeves back down before leading her deeper into their home.
The air was stale. No one had been here since she’d run off during their fight.
No one had been here since he’d raced to the dock house, only to arrive too late to save them both.
He’d never had the chance to apologize for yelling, for calling her cracked, for all the things that might have kept her from fleeing.
“I want to hold you, aoseria. I promise you won’t break me. ”
Finally, with aching slowness, she allowed him to take her in his arms. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to live while you were gone.
?rim clutched her close, feeling the rhythm of her heart against him as she wept.
“I don’t need you to be anything. I just need you to be.
” He carried her over to her unused pillow nest, but finding it musty, brought her over to his bed instead.
Once she was settled on the mattress, he tucked himself around her.
They stayed like that with her heartbeat soft and steady against his chest.
“Let’s get you something to eat.” ?rim finally spoke again when it became impossible to ignore the rumble of her digestive system.
Not hungry.
“Not negotiable, aoseria.” He released his hold on her. “Either I’m cooking, or you can find something that doesn’t require knives.”
Cassie rolled her eyes. Eating your cooking might actually kill me. I don’t know if there’s much here.
“Eleri said she restocked the cold box and pantry.”
Fine.
She made her way into the kitchen, and he watched as she rifled through the cold box first, producing a bowl of ywes berries and some fermented dairy product. Then she opened the pantry and burst into tears.
Keeping one hand on her, ?rim moved past her to the pantry to try and see what had caused the outburst. He found the pantry full of the chocolate he’d ordered several months back.
It had taken a while to arrive. An Earth product, it was hard to find outside of a big hub like Prime Central, but he’d managed. Eleri must have put it here for Cassie.
Did you get this for me?
“I put in the order several months ago when you said you wanted it.”
Cassie grabbed one of the bricks alongside her other foods and carried them all back to the kitchen table. She ate like she hadn’t seen food in weeks. Perhaps she hadn’t.
“Slowly. Eleri said you might get sick if you ate too much too quickly.”
She lifted her brows, ignoring him as she shoved another square of chocolate into her mouth. Worth it.
?rim found himself clicking his mouth nodes together in amusement. She was still there, his aoseria, buried under all the hurt. Cassie leaned back in her chair, placing her hands on her rounded belly. She turned to him then. You’re supposed to reseed again tonight.
“I am. Do you want to watch? You said you were curious.” It was just as much an excuse to keep her by his side, as he wasn’t supposed to leave her unsupervised for the time being. Cassie nodded.
?rim had to do a full triple flush of his seeding pool before he could use it. It had accrued dust and mold, sitting stagnant for so long. Cassie perched on their bed, watching as he finally filled it and added the seeding solution. She poked a finger into the water and shivered.
Cold.
“Cold isn’t a problem for me like it is for you. We do have some hot mineral pools on Teos.” ?rim stripped out of his clothing and stepped inside the pool. Bubbles started to form around him as the mineral solution worked to fill in gaps in his exterior.
Do you miss Teos?
“It would be a lie to say I don’t miss anything. I spent most of my life there.” ?rim considered. “But there’s nothing I want there anymore. Everything I need is here.”
Cassie sat on the bed with her knees tucked into her chest, quiet and contemplative. Are we going to stay in Laurus forever?
“If that’s what you want.” ?rim stood from the seeding solution, letting the water roll off him. “I just want you to find a way to be happy, so whatever that looks like is what we’ll do.”
What if I’m never happy again? Cassie asked.
It wasn’t the question he was expecting, but given Cassie’s fragile state of being, he wasn’t entirely surprised.
?rim paused, trying to give the proper gravity to his answer.
“Never is a long time. I don’t really believe in impossibility, for the most part.
I know you can be happy, at least sometimes.
I’ve seen it. So, we’ll work toward that.
As long as you’re willing to participate. ”
She nodded. As long as you’re here, I’m willing to try.
“Are you ready to sleep? I know your blankets are probably a bit musty, but we’ll work with what we have. I can start washing things tomorrow.”
Cassie frowned. I’ll do it. You’re supposed to be resting. She left the room for a moment while ?rim dried off and returned with an armful of blankets and a pillow for herself.
As they settled into bed together, ?rim placed his hand on Cassie’s head. “What should we do tomorrow?”
I want to see the pups in the morning. I’ll go with K’kaen, so you don’t have to be in the sun. Then we can be here together in the afternoon.
“I don’t have any teaching duties until I’m fully reseeded, so I’ll do some searching for a few holos we can watch together. Do you have any topics in mind?”
When you were in the tank, I realized I don’t know very much about your people. It also seems like you know more about humans than I do. I want to learn about you.
?rim found himself surprisingly pleased by her curiosity. “Holos about teosians? I’ll see what I can find. If any of it’s accurate. Otherwise, you can always just ask me questions.”
Cassie smiled. I’d like that.
“I would too.” ?rim stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Then he lay beside her, bracing to read through the file S’samph had given him about everything his aoseria had suffered in his absence. It was a strange sort of peace at the center of their storm. But it was theirs.