Chapter Thirty-Eight
Back to You
I opened my eyes to darkness. It took a moment for my eyesight to adjust, and when it did, I recognised the canopy above me as belonging to the one on my bed in the Imperial Villa.
Hallelujah. The beach was gone.
And God hadn’t lied to me. My memory of our time together was complete, as was the one of our first meeting before I’d woken up in this world.
My world.
It was always my world. Not the world of a fantasy novel, but the place I was destined to be. This was my world, my home, the place my soul was born.
This body was mine, too.
All the things I thought belonged to someone else, didn’t.
I couldn’t shake the guilt over the soul that’d lived my life over and over again, though. How many times had she lived as me? How many times had she died for her to have given up?
The few memories I possessed of my very first life here with Kalon were painful enough, and they were mostly happy ones. Yet this soul who’d walked in my shoes had fallen for him each and every time, only to be rejected and ultimately watch the person she loved fall to ruin.
What if, in this life, I’d been destined to follow that same fate? Could I have coped with seeing him fall for another woman?
Would I have been able to follow through with my original plan of letting him go?
No.
I wouldn’t have been able to do that.
Even without the knowledge I now possessed, I think I would have hung on for dear life, even if it ultimately meant my death.
I rolled my head to the side, only to see Kalon’s sleeping face staring back at me. His black hair, his long eyelashes, his stubbled jaw that looked as though he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days… He looked so peaceful, but there was a darkness under his eyes that gave him away.
That idiot. I’d bet the contents of my jewellery box that he’d barely left my side since the accident.
Wait.
How long ago was that?
How long had I been asleep? There’d been nothing in God’s little divine power realm to show the passage of time, and even if there was, I doubted time moved the same way as it did here.
Kalon’s face briefly scrunched in pain, and something twisted deep within my heart as the memory of my first death flashed through my mind.
I never, ever wanted to see that anguish on his face again. No matter what happened in this life, no matter what would come my way, I would survive.
I could not, would not, die at anyone else’s hands. Not this time. The only way to set the endless regression of this world right was by my natural death, so I simply had to fight.
I was determined that this life would be my last.
I knew where the danger was coming from. I knew who wanted me dead. I didn’t know all their motivations and things would be different, even as I regained memories from my past lives in this world, but knowing something was better than knowing nothing.
Like knowing that Lillia remembered the last few cycles. I didn’t know how she’d managed to retain those memories, but if her soul was corrupting, it didn’t sound like it was a natural phenomenon. The truly bad part about that was that she remembered Alicia as the previous soul.
The weary, broken soul who truly had become an antagonist in the end.
Lillia remembered all the horrible things that soul had done to her, and she had no way of knowing I was a different person.
Not that it mattered.
She was the one who’d poisoned me in my first life and had had a hand in my death in all my other lives.
We were always destined to be adversaries.
Perhaps I could understand the ones in which the previous soul had done her wrong, but in the first place when it was my soul that existed here, my only crime was loving Kalon.
Judging by the way Lillia had been unashamedly approaching Kalon and confronting me, she thought she had a chance this time at making him fall for her again.
And being with Kalon was, once again, my crime.
I didn’t care.
Kalon was mine.
He’d been mine in every life where our souls had been together, and he would be mine in every life after this.
I had no idea how this life would end, but if I did die at the hands of her, Torin, or the Empress despite my determination, I knew with absolute certainty that Kalon would be mine in the next life.
Hell, if we made it and died of old age together, I was certain that we would find each other again wherever our souls ended up.
I reached out and laid my hand against his cheek. He was so warm, and I smiled and closed my eyes when he turned his face into my hand as if he was seeking my touch.
Silly.
He was so silly.
“Allie?” His sleepy voice was rough and thick with emotion, and I opened my eyes again to find myself drowning in the abyss that was his purple and gold gaze.
Even in the darkness, his eyes shone like stars.
“Hi,” I said croakily.
Kalon stared at me for a moment before grabbing me and pulling me tightly against him. “You’re awake,” he murmured into my hair as he cupped the back of my head. “Or am I dreaming?”
“No, you’re not dreaming.” I snuggled in close to him, sliding one of my arms around his waist. “That was quite the nap, huh?”
“Don’t you dare joke with me right now.” He tightened his grip on me. “If you had any idea what I’ve been through the last ten days, you wouldn’t dream of it.”
Ten days?
Holy crap.
I’d really taken my time chatting to God, huh?
“I’m sorry,” I said, turning my face and tucking my head under his chin. “But I’m okay, see? I have all my fingers and toes.”
“How do you know? You haven’t seen your toes.”
“I can feel them.”
Kalon grunted. “Unacceptable. I’ll have to check for myself.”
“You want to check my toes?” I wriggled until he loosened his grasp on me just enough that I could tilt my head back to look at his eyes. “Do you have a foot fetish?”
“I have a you fetish. I’ve already told you that.” He pressed his lips to mine. “How do you feel?”
“Um, I’m fine, I guess?”
“That’s not convincing. I’ll call the Imperial Physician.” He let go of me and got up, jumping off the bed.
“No, wait!” I tried to sit up, but a sharp pain darted through my skull, and I clamped my hand over my forehead when the room spun. “Oww.”
“What? What’s wrong?” Kalon pounced on the bed next to me and grabbed my shoulders. “Allie.”
“Stop yelling,” I mumbled, rubbing my forehead. “I sat up too quickly and got dizzy because you ran off.”
“Now I’m more convinced that you need to see a doctor. I’m going to—”
I grabbed a fistful of his shirt before he could dart off again. “Kalon, please. It’s the middle of the night. Let everyone sleep for now.”
“But you need—”
“I need you to stop trying to leave me.”
He froze.
Slowly, he extracted my fingers from his shirt and clasped my hand, bringing it up to his face. “I won’t.” He brushed his lips over the back of my hand. “I won’t leave you, my Allie.”
“Then come back here.” I tugged on the bed covers and patted the mattress next to me. “Please? You can call for the doctor when the sun comes up. I promise. Just stay with me for now.”
“How am I supposed to say no when you ask me like that?” he grumbled, climbing back into the bed. “Come here.”
I shuffled over and clamped myself against his side, resting my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. His whole body heaved as he sighed, and I nestled against him even closer.
“What happened?” I asked.
“No. Not until you’ve seen the doctor.”
“Please?”
He sighed again. “I can’t say no to you.”
Heehee.
“Stop smiling,” he muttered, tapping my side playfully. “You passed out after using your latent mana and divine power.”
“Hmm. Why do you not sound surprised that I used such a thing?”
“Ah… Aerwyna told me not long after you moved to Stein. She sensed it the day you arrived. It makes sense you’d have traces of it since House Vermillion has mana and House Lovett once possessed divine power, but…”
“I have a lot more than traces,” I finished for him. “I thought they couldn’t coexist together.”
“They can’t usually, and that’s partially why you passed out. It’s a combination of the opposing forces and the sheer amount of power you possess. It was latent until then, so when you used it in that heightened moment of emotion, every drop you have all came out at once.”
Hmm.
God had told me that I had to learn to use it—there was no way the priests in the temple would grant me access to the inner prayer room otherwise. It was reserved exclusively for those with divine power, so I would have to prove my ability before I could go in to speak with him.
“I suppose I’ll have to learn how to use them both, then.” I paused. “If I was suffering from depletion, couldn’t a mage or priest help me heal?”
“No. There are very few people in history who’ve possessed the ability to wield both powers and even less records on them. Aerwyna told me right away that a priest cannot be used to heal you in case their divine power upset the balance in your body.”
Something flashed through my mind. “She might be right. I have no recollection of ever being healed by a priest, even after my accident.”
“It was likely a precaution. Although the Lovetts haven’t had an active divine power user for three generations now, there’s always a chance it can change with a descendent.
Given that your lineage is so powerful, it was probably a risk nobody wanted to take.
” Kalon stroked my hair as he spoke. “If we didn’t think it was too dangerous, we would have probably had you awake by now.
In other words, be more careful with yourself and don’t ever jump in front of a monster like that again. ”
Right.
The wraithhusk.
“What happened there? How did it even get in? Is everyone all right? What about those children?”
Kalon sighed deeply. “This is why I didn’t want to do this now. You need to rest.”
“I’ve been sleeping for ten days and, technically, I am resting like this.” I cosied up to him to make my point. “Please… honey.”
He groaned in a way that vibrated throughout his whole chest. “I killed the monster. The person who let it loose is also dead.”
Of course.
“Sadly, not by my hand, but I’m not getting into all that right now. Everyone was fine, thanks to you, including the twins you saved.”
“Good. I’m glad. Was that red light your sword aura I saw before I passed out?”
“Yes. I don’t often use it, but it sometimes activates when my emotions are high.” He tensed. “Like then.”
I smiled, letting my eyes flutter shut. “Thank you for saving my life.”
Kalon kissed my forehead. “Thank you for coming back to me, my Allie.”