Chapter Thirty-Nine
Our Feelings
Kalon kept his word, and as soon as the sun rose, he woke up everyone staying in our villa and demanded someone get the doctor there within ten minutes.
It was originally five minutes, but I told him not to be so unreasonable. All things considered, ten was a good compromise.
The Imperial Physician arrived within the allotted time frame and gave me a full health check. All I needed was rest to allow both my powers and my body to recover from the exertion, but I was otherwise completely healthy.
Aerwyna confirmed the same, and Kalon ordered her to begin magic lessons with me once we returned to Stein.
He also told her to visit my maternal family, House Lovett, to comb their records for anything relating to someone like me.
I hadn’t realised that Duke Lovett, my uncle, was present at the hunt, much less that he’d witnessed the whole thing.
Apparently, he’d quickly realised what was going on and sought permission from the Emperor to leave the hunt with Aerwyna to begin their research.
His Majesty had, of course, granted it. He’d sent an Imperial Order to the Magic Tower telling them to hand over what they knew to her without complaint. He’d even gone as far as threatening them all with death if they didn’t co-operate.
It was one mild abuse of authority that not even Milton had complained about.
Under the pressure of the Imperial Order and Duke Trelawney, they had no choice but to comply.
High Priest Dhaesis from the capital’s temple had been part of a delegation that had travelled with the Imperial Family, and he’d arrived with my father and the Emperor—on his second visit of the day—after all that.
He’d not told us anything we didn’t know, but he did confirm that the balance of the two powers within me was extremely precarious, and it would take a lot of work on my part to learn them both so they could work in harmony.
The good news was that I could learn to separate them and use them perfectly fine.
The bad news was that in the process of learning that, I could die.
Nobody was surprised when Kalon grabbed him by the collar and threw him out of my room. I got the feeling that wasn’t the first time he’d heard such a thing from him, but I also suspected he didn’t want the High Priest around me anymore than necessary.
Well, my father was a bit taken aback, but that was mostly because he hadn’t seen us together, so he was shocked by how protective Kalon was over me.
What was His Majesty doing while his eldest son was manhandling a man of God?
Giggling gleefully.
That’s right.
He really was in love with love, and our relationship seemed to be his new favourite hobby.
After our fathers left, Kalon had issued strict instructions to everyone that nobody was to enter my room unless the villa was on fire or war was declared on the Imperial Hunting Grounds, then promptly wrapped me up like a burrito and forced me to take a nap.
I hadn’t needed much convincing thanks to the sheer exhaustion that had been snaking through my aching limbs all morning.
Now, I was finally awake, and while he’d stepped out to let Bella and Annie help me bathe, I had a lot to think about.
God had no issue with me telling Kalon everything about our past lives, but it wasn’t the kind of thing one could just bring up over a cup of tea. I trusted Kalon, but that didn’t mean he would believe what I was saying, and I’d just been through a pretty stressful experience.
What if he thought it was all in my head? Could I live knowing that he thought I was crazy?
Maybe… Maybe I needed to find out how he felt about me in his own words. Maybe hearing it from his lips would give me the confidence I needed to tell him about our past lives together.
Because he needed to know. My life was in danger, and he would never forgive me for keeping that to myself.
I didn’t want to keep it to myself.
The paranoia that would come from shouldering the burden of such knowledge all alone would surely drive me insane.
“Here you are, my lady,” Bella said, wrapping a shawl around my shoulders. “Shall I inform the Grand Duke that you’re done?”
“Yes, Bella, thank you. I feel so much better now.” I smiled at her and crossed my ankles under the tea table. After spending days in bed, it was so nice to be up and completely clean, even if I was still in my nightwear.
My room had the prettiest view of a rose garden, and I was happy to be able to finally spend some time seeing it. The fresh air from the open window was a true bonus.
“You have some colour back in your cheeks, my lady.” Annie carried the tea tray over and set it on the table. “I’m happy to see you feeling better.”
“Thank you, Annie. I feel the same about you.” I smiled. “Oh, just pour one for me for now. I’m waiting for the Grand Duke, and I don’t want his to get cold.”
“Of course.” She poured me one cup but left Kalon’s empty. “Would you like me to wait with you until he arrives?”
“I don’t mind being alone, but you probably should.”
“Oh, he’s been so wonderfully protective of you since the incident, my lady.” She clasped her hands together and clasped them to her in the most physical manifestation of a swoon I’d ever seen in all my lives.
She wasn’t entirely wrong. Some people would say he was overprotective, but I was trying not to be too nitpicky about it.
I’d never tell anyone that I’d caught him crying in his sleep after our middle-of-the-night conversation.
He was clearly traumatised by what had happened to me and given that he was the one who’d found his mother’s dead body, so I would let him wrap me up in cotton wool if that was what he needed right now.
If it continued beyond my recovery, then we’d have a little chat about boundaries.
“Allie?” Kalon called from outside the room. “Can I come in?”
“Yes, of course,” I replied.
He pushed the door open and stepped inside. “Good, you weren’t alone. I was worried when Bella came to get me.”
“You didn’t stop what you were doing to rush here, did you?”
He paused. “No.”
“Kalon.”
“It was only a personal meeting. It’s fine.” He turned to Annie. “Leave us and tell nobody to bother us for a while.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” She curtseyed before scurrying out of the room and tightly closing the door behind her.
“I should have had her pour my tea first,” he mused, sitting down opposite me. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be in bed?”
“I’m fine. I promise I’ll lie down if I get tired.” I watched him pour his own tea for the first time ever—even I would usually do it if nobody else was around, but I knew offering would get me scolded. “I need to speak with you about something.”
Kalon stirred his sugar into his tea. “It sounds serious.”
“I know it’s not been long since I moved to Stein and that we’ve had even less time than that together, but I need to know. How do you feel about me?”
His spoon clattered to the floor. “I’m sorry?”
Welp.
This was off to a jolly start, wasn’t it?
“I’m no fool, Kalon. I know you only approached me initially to annoy Her Majesty and the Crown Prince, and I certainly wasn’t charming enough after one dance for you to fall in love with me at first sight and propose marriage.” I sipped my tea. “But you’re nothing like I expected you to be.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re far clingier than I ever imagined. It’s like having a puppy follow me around sometimes.”
He cast his gaze out of the window. “I feel as though I’ve just been insulted.”
“No. I like puppies. They’re cute.”
“You’re not making me feel any better,” he remarked. “What exactly are you asking me, Allie?”
Goodness.
Surely it was a crime to be this dense.
Fine. I was going in for the kill.
“Do you have any romantic feelings towards me?”
He swung his gaze to meet mine. “I was just responsible for the death of the man who released the monster that hurt you. What do you think?”
“I think that’s a statement of fact and not your feelings.” I set my teacup down. “Is it terribly hard to tell me how you feel? I’m hardly asking for an ardent declaration of your undying love.”
Kalon covered his mouth with his hand and looked away again, and as he turned his head, I caught a glimpse of a blush rising up his cheeks. “I thought I’d made it clear how I felt about you. Have I not done that adequately?”
I touched a finger to my engagement ring. I knew how important that was to him, and I didn’t want to discredit his actions. “It’s not that you haven’t shown me adequately. I’m just the kind of person who needs verbal affirmation.”
He refused to look at me, keeping half his face covered with his large hand.
I couldn’t believe this man was so shy when it came to his feelings.
He was just a big ol’ cinnamon roll, wasn’t he?
I reached across the table and took his hand.
“Shall I tell you, then? I like how you always make time for me even if I’m being a fussy baby.
I like how you always think of me and take my opinion into consideration, and I like how you support me and cheer me on.
I like the way you want to protect me but trust me enough to protect you, too.
I like spending time with you, whether it’s talking about work or just having tea. ”
“Allie—” He met my eyes, and there was no hiding the deep red blush on his cheeks.
Such. A. Teddy. Bear.
Gosh, I just wanted to plop myself on his lap and snuggle into him.
“I really like you, Kalon. I can’t tell you that I’m in love with you, because I’m not there yet, but my feelings are strong enough that if anyone tried to take you from me, I’d tear them to pieces with my bare hands.
They’re enough that I refuse to stand idly by while someone else tries to take you for their own.
” I propped my head up on my hand and smiled. “Will you answer me now?”
He stared at me for a moment before getting to his feet and walking around the table.
He pulled me up and cradled my face, gently kissing me.
“You are the most precious person in the world to me, Allie. It kills me that you don’t know that.
” He brushed his nose across my cheek. “Everything you feel for me, I feel for you a hundredfold. Does that answer your question?”
My heartbeat was almost frantic, and I had no choice but to accept what he was saying. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly, soaking in his warmth for as long as I could.
If I meant that much to him, then he would believe me if I told him the truth, right?
“Kalon,” I said softly. “Will you carry me to the bed?”
“I’d carry you across the entire empire and back if you asked.” He kissed my temple and swept me up into his arms, and I snuggled against his body with my arms around his neck.
The journey from the table to the bed was all too short, and my stomach sank as he lowered me onto the bed and let me go.
“Will you sit with me?”
He tucked the blanket over my lap. “That isn’t what you wanted to talk about, is it?”
I shook my head and winced. That was a mistake. “Please.”
“I can’t make it much clearer that I’d do anything you ask of me.” He sat down on the bed and took my hand, gently kissing my fingers. “What do you want to talk about?”
I looked down at our hands as my stomach rolled with nausea. “I need you to promise me something.”
“What is it?”
“No matter what I tell you, promise me that you’ll listen until the end. I need you to not pass judgement on what I’m saying, no matter how crazy it sounds, and it’s going to sound crazy. Will you do that for me?”
He ran his tongue across his teeth, holding my gaze intently. “I promise.”
“Thank you.” I tightened my grip on his hand until he shifted, adjusting it so that our fingers slipped together, and I could smile up at him. “This is my sixth life, and my fifth in this world. And in the first four of my lives, we were together.”