Chapter Forty
In Another Life
Kalon’s hand twitched in mine, but he stayed true to his word and didn’t say anything.
“Gosh, I don’t even know how to explain this.” I pressed my face into my free hand. “It’s so complicated.”
“Take all the time you need.” He shuffled up the bed closer to me. “I’m not going anywhere, Allie.”
“I can’t even start from the beginning because my memories are so spotty,” I said softly.
I was going to have to use terms he understood, too.
“So… Here goes, I guess. In my last life, I was Alicia Montgomery, a twenty-four-year-old law expert. I grew up in a world that was completely different from this one. Just to explain, in that world there’s no magic, no divine power, and while there are wars, there are no longer empires.
Kingdoms still exist, and I grew up in one, although you wouldn’t recognise it as a kingdom in the way they exist here.
The transport evolved from horse and carriage to carriages that could be powered by an external source.
We called them ‘cars.’ I was driving my car when I was hit by someone who was driving while drunk, and I died. ”
Kalon tilted his head to the side. “Didn’t people drive it for you like they do here? Could your servant not avoid it?”
That… was kind of cute.
How did I explain this?
“Um… I wasn’t a noble in that world, so I didn’t have a servant.
At that point in the history of the world, there were many, many more commoners than nobles.
It was normal for commoners—and even the Royal Family in my country—to operate their own transportation,” I explained, almost laughing at the look of sheer horror that flashed across his face.
“Anyway, after I died, I woke up in front of someone who called himself God. He told me I’d died too soon and was eligible for reincarnation, but there was someone in another world who was dying and whose body was compatible with my soul. That was Alicia Vermillion.
“I accepted his offer, and I woke up after the accident with no memories of my meeting with God. The weirdest thing was that I knew this world and the people in it, because it existed as a book in my previous life. I woke up truly believing I’d been transported to a fictional world where I had to pay attention to the storyline.
The problem was that in that story, Alicia Vermillion was the antagonist who was destined to die for the attempted murder of the heroine. ”
Kalon stilled, and even though his jaw ticked, he didn’t say anything.
“I made it my mission not to die. As far as I was concerned, this was my second chance at life, and I was going to escape that fate no matter what. You see, in that novel, Alicia Vermillion marries Grand Duke Kalon Stein in an arranged marriage and falls hopelessly in love with him.” I looked at him.
“But he doesn’t share her feelings and instead falls in love at first sight with the heroine, just as his younger brother does. ”
“What kind of—”
I reached out and covered his mouth with my hand to make him be quiet.
“The main plot is a love triangle that ultimately ends with Alicia being accused of poisoning the heroine, Torin announcing he’s going to marry the heroine during Alicia’s trial, and Alicia being executed for the attempted murder of a member of the Imperial Family.
” I dropped my gaze once again. “After that, Kalon goes insane, having lost everything, and incites a revolution against the empire that fails and ends in his death, while Torin and the heroine live happily ever after once they save the empire from monsters Kalon brought with him.”
“Sounds like a dreadful book,” he mumbled.
With the benefit of hindsight, yes.
Yes, it was.
The sweet heroine was actually a bitch in real life.
That was why they said you should never meet your heroes.
“If I was going to raise a rebellion against Eudocia and Torin, there’s no way I’d lose,” he grumbled.
I laughed lightly. “The weird thing is that it was a common plot in a form of storytelling I enjoyed in my past life, so I was truly stuck in the notion that I was living in a fantasy world. I couldn’t remember my discussion with God, but I was obsessed with not following the path set out for Alicia.
I even sought out marriage partners in the hope that an engagement would deter you from proposing to me, but I wasn’t fast enough.
Instead, I resolved that I would keep my distance and leave you once you met the heroine and fell in love with her.
“I came to Stein under duress with escape plans under my belt, but things didn’t work out the way I thought they would.
You were so different to the way the book I read described you, and I was so confused.
I knew that my mere existence could change things even without me trying, but at some point, it stopped being this fantasy world I’d ended up in and became a real place with real people that I cared about. ”
Kalon reached out and brushed his thumb across my cheek. “Don’t cry, Allie.”
I choked back tears as I looked up at him.
“I fell in love with Stein. With Ark, Ingrid, the knights, the maids—everyone. It felt like home. At Vermillion House I was stuck in a place where I wasn’t wanted, so even though I didn’t want to go to Stein, it was the escape I needed from the abuse Alicia was subjected to.
I told myself it might be all right if I just pretended for the next few months until the heroine came into the picture.
I told myself I’d be okay if you fell for her instead, but then we got close and I… ”
“Is that why you asked to delay the wedding? Because you thought I would meet someone else and fall in love?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I thought it was the only way to protect myself at the time. If you fell in love with the heroine, then it would be easier for us to break off an engagement over a marriage.”
He took a deep breath before sighing it out. “Who is this mysterious heroine you were so sure I’d fall in love with?”
“Lillia de Armand,” I whispered.
Kalon’s grip on my hand tightened drastically. “Say that again.”
“Lillia.”
“You thought I’d fall in love with that woman? What do you take me for, Alicia?”
Alicia.
Why did that hurt so much?
He took his hand from mine and stood up, pressing his palm to his face. “I can’t believe you thought that. Fuck.”
No.
He was leaving.
He wasn’t listening to me.
“You said you’d listen to me! You promised!
” I cupped my mouth as tears fell from my eyes in earnest. “That’s how it was in the world I thought I knew, and I…
” My breath hitched on a sob as I pulled my knees to my chest and curled into myself.
“I was so scared when we saw her at the ball. She wasn’t supposed to be there, and I cared about you, and I thought you’d fall for her, and I—”
“I’m sorry.” Kalon dropped back to the bed and wrapped me in his arms. “You’re right. I promised you I’d listen. I’m not angry. I’m sorry.”
He cradled the back of my head, and I desperately grasped at his shirt, letting my tears fall freely.
Had I been keeping this inside ever since that moment?
“Don’t cry like that, my Allie. I can’t stand it. I’m sorry.” His voice was muffled as he buried his face in my hair. “Is that why you were so upset after we saw her?”
I nodded. “I thought you mi-might…”
“I didn’t,” he said firmly. “It didn’t even cross my mind. How could I look at her when I have you by my side, hm?”
I tried to speak, but the tears that flowed were like a culmination of my emotions over several days, and I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. Everything I’d kept inside exploded out of me in a tidal wave of emotion I couldn’t control anymore.
Kalon scooped me up and sat back against the head of bed. He plopped me in his lap and cradled me against his body, wrapping me up in his arms so tightly that all I could do was sob all over his shirt and hold onto him for dear life.
He said nothing as I released everything I’d been holding onto. I couldn’t even say how long it took for me to cry it out, but his hold on me only loosened once I’d calmed down.
“You can let me go now,” I whispered.
“I don’t think so.” He tightened his embrace once again. “What made you change your mind? Did something happen during the hunt?”
I nodded against his chest. “She came to find me later on, and we didn’t have the nicest of conversations. She all but said she had no intention of giving up on you, and there’s a very slim chance I might have threatened her.”
“You might have threatened her?”
“Okay, fine, I threatened her. Indirectly.” I sniffed, stretching one of my legs out. “I told her I don’t show mercy to those who covet what’s mine.”
He groaned, burying his face in my hair. “Don’t talk like that unless you can take responsibility for what it does to me.”
Kalon totally had a possessiveness kink. I could not be convinced otherwise.
“I thought you might reject my handkerchief based on what I knew from the book I’d read, so when you rejected hers and accepted mine and did… that… in your tent, I realised that maybe this wasn’t going to go the way I thought. Maybe it was okay for me to want you. To want to stay in Stein.”
“I would be upset if you didn’t.” He kissed the top of my head.
“But now I know for sure that it’s okay because of what happened after I collapsed.”
“After you collapsed? I don’t understand.”
“I sort of… woke up… but I was in a weird place. I was by the ocean, and I didn’t understand what I was doing there. I was missing a whole chunk of my memories, but it wasn’t until God showed up that I remembered our first meeting and everything he told me then.”
“God.” Kalon paused. “As in… Khimos? On a beach?”
Right.
Khimos was God here.
I’d keep the orange Hawaiian shirt to myself. No need to sully the weirdo’s name in public, after all.