Chapter 51
fifty-one
. . .
Ever
Not even the view of the moonlit cottage can stop the tears from running down my cheek.
I’ve not let go of Lyle’s hand since I asked the Maker to bring us here.
Bring us back.
She didn’t ask any questions, didn’t try to stop me, just nodded her head.
She walked us out of the Great Hall, and then, with her Triune around us, vanished us here.
I don’t know how she did it, but she did.
But, looking at the place I once called home, I don’t feel relief. I don’t feel sanctity. I feel empty.
Lyle coaxes her hand free and goes inside, unlocking the door with the key under the window basket. I stand and watch as she lights the candles, illuminating the house with a soft, yellow glow.
I rub my thumb over the ring on my finger. My mother’s ring.
“You are a child of Kirrasia. Always. Magic or no magic. Remember that, Ever Hart. If you choose it, Kirrasia can be a home for you.”
It can’t be, though. No matter what she says.
The realisation sparks more tears to fall, and I taste the salt on my lips as they keep falling.
A faint breeze whips around and blows a few curls loose from my hair, and I turn to see she’s gone.
I collapse to my knees and sob, unburdened by keeping my sorrow inside any longer. I stay outside of the cottage until my body is stone cold and my tears are dry.
The sun shines watery light through the trees, and it glints off the water.
I’ve come here every day since I returned. But I’ve not ventured any farther. This is where I came—the limit to my exploration—before.
Now, it serves as a reminder of what’s beyond, and I’m terrified of taking that step.
Maybe terrified isn’t accurate. I’m paralysed, unable to take that step.
My memory assaults me, like a warning bell of everything that happened when I left.
All the bad, all the pain, hurtling together, taking aim at my courage and slicing through it like paper.
So, I stay close to the cottage.
Lyle likes it that way, too. Her eyes follow me like a shadow around the house. She checks I’m eating but doesn’t force me to do anything. And she doesn’t hover when I come here.
After all, what could happen here that I’ve not already endured?
There’s a spot I’ve claimed as mine, on a gentle slope that I can sit on, and I run a stick through the sediment and mud, swirling it, pulling the water in little currents this way and that.
It makes me think of the Elementals. The Naturals. The gifts they have.
And everything makes me think of Ten.
“You left something behind.”
Ten’s voice cuts through the trickle of the running water, and I spin my head to see him standing a few meters away.
“Ten.” I stand, but he crowds me, prowling forward with a mean look on his face.
“Here.” He grabs my hand, and I open it, allowing him to drop the small pink quartz stone into my palm.
My eyes glaze over with tears, stinging my eyes as I focus on the small item. The one thing that’s mine. I’ve spent a long time crying these past few days and thought I’d cried myself out.
Obviously not.
“You left it on the dresser in my room. My guess is you put it there when you were getting ready and were in too much of a rush to leave to remember it.” I look up at him—his face still carved into an angry version of the Ten I know.
I wait for the rest. I know it’s coming, and I can’t blame him. I knew he’d be angry. I knew it was a risk, and I’m ready for the rest of his onslaught. It’s in his whole body: his ridged stance, his tight shoulders.
“And me. You fucking left me, Ever. You’d better have a fucking good explanation as to why.”
“I had to leave.” My voice is soft, belaying the enormity of the emotions storming inside of me.
“You didn’t. I know you didn’t. After everything you fought for, you couldn’t fight for me?”
“No, Ten. It wasn’t that.” My hand clenches around the pebble he brought to me instead of reaching for him, before I tuck it safely away in my pocket.
“It might take us a while to get over everything that’s happened, but I deserve the time to try. I deserve more than you leaving without a word.”
“You don’t need to keep your promise, Ten. This was never meant to be our future, with you sacrificing over and over again for me—just to be with me. I can’t do that to you. You deserve more than to leave everything behind. To be apart from everyone and everything you know, just for me.”
“And you should have given me the choice. It’s my life.
My fucking choice, and I’ve made it. It’s you.
It’s been you since the moment I came for you.
Stars, probably before that. And if what I’ve done for you isn’t enough, then just say.
But I’m not leaving here until you tell me you don’t love me.
Then and only then, Little Siren, am I leaving. You got me?”
Passion ignites within me, chased by a fire that engulfs me. He sees it. He sees it in my eyes because he closes the gap and shoves me against a tree, holding me captive and at his mercy. It’s the only place I want to be, and I beg in my mind for him to make me his.
He slams his lips against mine, and I taste the punishment he has for me. It’s frantic and full of his own edge of desperation. Stars, he is delicious.
The bark of the tree digs into my back, and my body is alight with heat—with a need—sparked only from Ten.
My heart thrums in my chest for him, as if it recognises Ten and finally wants to beat again. I breathe him in, salt, citrus, and comfort, and my whole body comes alive.
My lips part, eager for him. Eager for more. I want his punishment. I want his love. All of him.
But he pulls back, resting his head against mine, and his hands sweep up my neck and cradle my head.
“I’ve stalked the continents for you, Ever. Don’t make me keep chasing you. I will. But I fucking hope you don’t make me.”
He doesn’t wait for me to answer but kisses me again. Harder. Demanding. And I question why I thought it would be better without him.
“Make me yours, Ten.” I gasp between kisses, sweeping my tongue against his lips.
He pulls my hair, tilting my head, and he trails kisses down my throat.
“You want me to take you here? Now?” He growls the words against my skin, and I melt.
I nod, already imagining it. Already needing to repair the gap I forced between us.
Touch was our curse before.
That doesn’t exist now.
“Say the fucking words.”
“Take me, Ten. Fuck me. And forgive me.”
“Stars above, Little Siren.”
“Please,” I beg.
His fingers scramble with the cotton tie at my waist, and he yanks my trousers down as I unlatch his belt and do the same. He hooks his arm under my knee and bends before he guides the tip of his cock inside of me.
It’s not romantic. It’s not pretty. It’s urgent and desperate and reflects all the feelings I have for Ten because I feel everything for him.
He thrusts upward, jolting me, and I sink into the heat.
Ten’s head drops back, and I relish the little sign that he’s as into this as I am.
I move my arms to grip around his neck and run my fingers through his hair. He hums, a low, guttural noise that makes my stomach tighten.
He begins to pump, moving in and out of me, quickening his pace, and he finds the right angle that seems to speak directly to my core. I widen my legs, wanting to push against him, for him to be deeper.
He grabs my other leg and lifts me, having to use his strength this time, but I wrap my legs and hold on, riding out his movements until we’re both panting.
That tingling sensation rushes through my limbs, overtaking my senses, and I feel every stroke. Anticipate every stroke. Yearn for it. Harder. Faster.
“Yes, Ten. Keep. Going.”
“Look at me.” I blink my eyes open, locking my gaze with his.
Every muscle of my body is taut, ready to snap with rapture, and I can feel he’s the same.
Until his head tips back and the cords of his neck tighten, his jaw tightening. My eyes give up and sink into darkness as pleasure washes over me.
A chilled breeze whispers around us and sets a shiver over me.
“We should find a bed next time.” I want to smile into the words as I catch Ten’s eyes again.
“As long as there’s a next time.”
“I’m sorry,” I offer.
“I know.”
I slide down him and pull up my trousers, alarmingly aware that I’ll need to see the apothecary in town. We’ve risked enough already.
“Say the words, and I’ll go.”
“What? After that? I thought you knew what I was saying.” I look up at him and find his eyes haven’t quite returned to his usual warm shade of hazelnut.
“You need to do better than that.”
Guilt punches me in the gut, and nausea rolls through me at what my actions have taken from him. “I love you, Ten.”
He waits for a moment. “You’re forgiven.” He kisses my forehead.
While I’m still riding the high of my climax, I gather my courage to ask the harder question. “This doesn’t change anything. What will we do? Where will we go?”
“We have the rest of our lives to figure that out. I’m in no rush. We deserve some quiet.” He mumbles the words into my hair, not ready to stop planting kisses on me.
“You’re sure.” I pull back from him.
“As long as you’re still there with me, it doesn’t matter what future we have, Ever. It might take you a little while to accept that, but I won’t stop showing you. I promise you that. Nothing else matters.”