30. Thayla #2
“Yes. They were taking too much damage to stay whole. So Kira fixed it the moment he realized what was happening. He knew they wouldn’t survive if he didn’t do something.”
“Mom…” I say as she trails off and stares out at the stars for a heartbeat too long for my patience. “What did he do?”
She clears her throat.
“He connected their souls. Basically, tying the four of them together in the hope that by doing so it would help them stay alive. Their souls still couldn’t heal fast enough, so he…
“He took pieces of his own soul and wove them into theirs. He anchored them. Strengthened them. Gave them what they needed to survive. Your men have always believed they carried stains, but those aren’t stains.
Not entirely anyway. Those are the pieces of their father’s soul.
They just became noticeable when they made the decisions they did in the Abandon. ”
My chest aches and I can’t help but stroke the threads of my soul that lead to each of my men. My amazing men.
“Their souls were never whole from the beginning,” she whispers.
When I glance at her, her expression falls like this story is the last thing she wanted to tell me. I know there’s worse to come by the water gathering in her eyes, though.
My tears flow freely as I put enough of it together on my own.
“They—we’ll never feel our Starwoven bond.”
“No. Not in the way you should.”
I swallow and let my lids drift shut. I don’t bother wiping away the water pouring from them. A full-blown sob tears from me when she pulls me into a hug.
“I want you to know, Derivius did split your soul to keep you safe and alive. But most importantly, he split it so you could feel what your Starwoven bond should feel like. He wanted you to experience that and he wanted them to be able to sense what it’s like to have a soul love theirs.”
That fucking wrecks me.
I cry so hard I can’t draw air into my lungs.
She doesn’t rush me or shush me. She lets me fall apart on her chest while softly stroking the back of my hair.
“H-how do I fix it?” I ask, forcing my back straight as I dry my face on my shirt. “How do I get that fucker’s soul out of them?”
I loathe the sad smile she gives me.
“The only way to remove his soul from theirs is if he has no soul at all.” She holds her hand up, halting me from saying anything.
“I know taking his life is what your men, you, many, many others want, but to take his life would truly and irrevocably ruin this realm. Everything everyone has done would be for nothing because the realm would descend into its true end. Like it or not, he’s a massive piece of the foundation. ”
I throw my hands up and turn from her.
“Then what’s the fucking point of all of this? If we can’t defeat him permanently, then how does this ever truly end?”
“It ends when he no longer has power.”
The pacing I just started stops, and I peer at her out of the corner of my eye.
“Are you saying the way we stop him and Sabe is to take their power from them? Is that why I’m really collecting Bindings?”
She nods once.
“Once the original Gods Binding is back whole, it can withdraw their power and cleanse the corruption.”
“And that will happen instantly? I put all seven in and bam, he’ll be powerless?” I growl when she tightens her lips. “What? Please, just tell me.”
“Like the realm itself, the Binding has taken damage. It’ll take some time for it to heal, then do what it’s supposed to do properly.”
“Great,” I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. “War could very well tear the realm apart in the meantime.”
“Let’s hope not,” she mumbles.
My hands grip my hips as I stare at the ground and attempt to center myself. I let everything she told me settle inside my mind. So, so many pieces are finally making sense.
“Is there anything you can warn me about? Anything to help us prepare for what Kira’s going to do?”
Her mouth parts, but all that comes out is a small gasp.
Fear and confusion hold me hostage as her eyes turn black and she falls still. I stare at her as she stares into nothing. It feels like minutes tick by as I wait for her to finally take a shuddering breath.
“Mom,” I say, rushing to her side.
“I’m okay.”
I don’t press her as she lays her hand to her heart and takes countless breaths.
“I’ve apparently shared more than I was supposed to already. I’m sorry, my girl.”
“Are they mad I’m here? Did this go against your punishment?”
“They haven’t expressed anything about that yet.”
My teeth grind together, but I keep my comments about that to myself.
Neither of us attempts to fill the silence. We shift between looking at each other and looking at the stars. There’s still so much I really want to ask, but now I’m afraid to, in case she tells me something that’ll somehow get her in trouble.
I continue to glance around the Eye of the Veil, both in awe and rage.
This is truly a cage.
It’s crazy to stand witness in one of the most beautiful and magical places in the realm while simultaneously knowing it was created just so my mother could see and be seen easier by the Valories.
I want to get her out of here.
I want her to only come here if she wants to come here.
“When your father told you our truth and then informed me that you were coming here to see me, Valories, I ran through so many conversations in my mind. All the things I wanted to say. Everything I wanted to apologize for…”
She clears her throat and closes her eyes as she collects herself. Her fingers rest against her lips and I study her while she thinks of the words she wants to say.
“I asked him not to tell you who I really was,” she says as she finally meets my gaze.
“I wanted that to be a truth I got to share with you. I told myself when you got here, I wasn’t going to focus on the emotions of everything because you had just heard it from him.
This was my one chance to be both honest and informative for you.
We don’t have much time together, and I wanted to use it wisely. ”
I nod. This, more than another emotional explosion, was what I needed, if I’m being honest.
“Thank you for everything you told me. A lot of things make a lot more sense.”
“Good,” she says, twisting her fingers together in front of her. “I know the boys and your father are outside. It feels selfish to ask and I hate to keep them waiting, but…would you like to stay here with me for just a little while? Maybe watch the sunrise with me?”
The sunrise.
I don’t answer her with words. My breathless laugh and watery smile say it all. I close the distance between us and take her outstretched hand. The two of us sit together in the center of her dais.
The hours that follow become some of my favorite memories.
Moments that are just for me. Us.
She doesn’t share another revelation or some hidden truth waiting to be uncovered. Instead, she gives me something greater.
I cling to every story she tells. The moment she first laid eyes on my dad. How he was so serious, dutiful, and patient with her. She called herself ignorant and I didn’t like that at all. There’s a difference between being sheltered—trapped—and ignorant.
She told me my dad always pretended not to smile when she purposely pushed every one of his boundaries. It made me think about how Creed enjoys my sass more than he admits.
The few times they were allowed to travel together before I was ever a thought. The tiny habits of his I somehow inherited without ever realizing.
She tells me stories about myself, too. About the way I’d curl my fingers around hers whenever she’d sing. How I hated sleeping unless Dad walked the floor with me. How I laughed before I ever spoke.
I memorize every word.
Every smile. Every laugh. Every second.
There isn’t enough time to make up for the last twenty years. But for these few precious hours…
I stop mourning everything we lost and simply cherish everything I’ve found. Eventually, our conversation gives way to comfortable silence and, together, we watch darkness surrender to dawn.
One by one, the stars fade away.
Golden light spills over the distant mountains, washing across the valley below until the entire realm glows beneath us.
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.
Her shoulder brushes mine.
“It always is.”
I meet her gaze and match her smile, although my lips are trying to tremble. I bite my bottom one to stop it. I’m not ready for the night to end.
“It’s time, isn’t it?” I ask.
“I’m afraid so, my girl.”
I nod, despite the fact I’d rather shake my head.
Regardless, when she stands and offers me her hand, I take it. Somehow, she knows exactly where the door is, while I still see nothing but glass.
I clear my throat and turn back to face her after I step into the hallway.
“It’ll all be over soon,” I say. “Soon, you and Dad will be back together and I…we’ll have more time.”
A sweet smile crosses her lips as she tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. With a deep breath, she steps past her threshold and pulls me into her. I melt against her chest. My eyes flutter shut and I breathe in her scent.
“When the seven become one, he’ll make his move. Don’t wait for him. Make yours first.”
Her whisper has my lids flashing open and my arms tightening around her. A small chuckle squeezes through my throat.
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
She laughs low.
“Feels like freedom.”
“You’ll know true freedom. I’ll make sure of it.”
We slowly, reluctantly, pull apart from one another. Tears swell in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. I believe I get that from her.
“Go, my girl. Show the realm who you are.”
A long breath pours out of me and I straighten my shoulders. I don’t allow my tears to fall either as I hold her gaze for a second longer. I hate the fact I have to leave her here. All alone. Without my dad.
It’s unfair. So cruel.
I’m going to make it right, though.
Starting now.