31|Sensitive Topics
I stirred as my hand reached out to land on his chest, but it instantly fell on the cold sheets.
I blinked slowly, my eyes adjusting to the bright light spilling in from the curtains.
He wasn't beside me.
I sighed as I sat up, my mind already coming to a conclusion.
Last night was a mistake.
Well, for him at least.
I lazily inched off the bed before landing on my feet.
As soon as I shifted, a deep, sudden ache throbbed between my thighs.
Shit.
Nate.
I made slow steps, checking Eden's room first then the guest rooms when I didn't see him.
I then made my way to his office where he was passed out over his desk, his laptop still open and his glasses on the tip of his nose.
I frowned when I saw how much he was overworking himself.
"Nate," I said, gentle enough not to startle him.
I stepped closer to him and paused when my eyes landed on the photo he was tightly gripping.
It was a picture of a familiar woman.
His mother.
I never met her.
She died before Nate even knew about my existence.
He talked about her some times.
He never used to when we were still in law school, but he started opening up more after we got married.
Ray never spoke about her.
He always pretended like she never existed although I knew it pissed Nate off to see.
I gently removed his glasses and set them on the table.
He didn't stir.
I began to contemplate whether I should wake him or not.
He needed the rest.
However, knowing how busy he is, he probably has a trial this morning.
I shook him gently until his eye eventually fluttered open.
He slowly sat up, rubbing his hand down his handsome face. "What time is it?"
"Almost six," I answered softly. "What are you even doing in here?"
He glanced at the laptop screen, then to the picture of his mother.
"Nate," I sighed, knowing exactly what he was doing.
He immediately stood up and shoved his mother's picture in drawer. "Nope."
"Nate," I repeated as he began to walk away.
"Not doing this today," he said, heading to our bedroom.
"Nate, just listen-"
He suddenly halted before turning around. "Naomi, can I please take a piss without you trying to interrogate me?"
"Interrogate you?" I glared at him. "Is that what you think this is?"
"Yes," he replied without a thought and I snapped.
"I'm not trying to interrogate you. You're spiraling and obsessing again and I'm not going through that again!"
The words came out sharper than I intended to, knowing this was a sensitive topic for him.
I didn't even realize how loud I was until I saw his expression shift.
"Well, thanks for letting me know that's what you think about me," he said before storming to the bathroom and slamming the door shut.
...
We sat silently at the dining room table, eating our breakfasts and avoiding eye contact.
I glanced up once, catching the way his fingers tightened around his coffee mug, the way his jaw tightened like he was biting back something he couldn't say.
He was hurt.
Fuck Ray.
I placed my hand on top of his.
"Nate," I said and he finally looked at me. "You know that's not what I meant."
He sighed before looking down at the food he barely touched. "I know."
We fell into a tensed silence before he laced his fingers with mine.
"It's just..." he hesitated to talk about how he felt. "This whole situation is just messed up."
I lowered my head before planting a kiss on his hand, my lip stick staining his pale skin.
"I know it is, but I need you to focus," I begged him. "Don't focus on the past. Don't focus on your triggers."
"Just me," I joked, and I got a light chuckle out of him.
I smiled. "I love-"
I quickly closed my mouth, not wanting to scare him off.
Yes, we're married.
Yes, we've known each other for years.
Yes, we just had sex last night.
Yes, we've told each other I love you multiple times.
But that version of love...the raw, vulnerable kind, I hadn't said it since before we started to fall apart.
That wasn't just when we had Eden.
That was way before that.
We tried to make Eden our map to finding a way back home, but she was lost before we could even read her.
He stopped trusting me with the darkest parts of himself.
Saying it now felt like trying to make another map again.
Only this time I didn't know if he would hold it or burn it.
He glanced at me and I forced a smile as I squeezed his hand.
"I'm here," I said instead.
It was easier...had less meaning.
His right hand cupped my cheek before he leaned me forward and placed a soft kiss on my lips.
"I'll stop," he promised me, forcing a smile although I knew it was hard for him.
"You know I'm only saying this because I care for you deeply, right?" I asked, knowing my husband's stubbornness a little too well.
"I know," he said softly. "But why won't anyone listen to me?"
His voice cracked just a little at the end, and it broke something in me.
"I'm listening, Nate," I said, squeezing his hand. "I'll always be here to listen."
He looked away, blinked hard.
"Fuck," he cursed. "Why are you being so nice? I want my heartless wife back."
I kissed him on the cheek before pulling him into a hug. "Be careful what you wish for."
...
The conference room was silent as Kate and I searched through files.
She adjusted her blazer before suddenly turning to me. "You want to take lead on the opening, or should I?"
I thought about it as I flipped open a folder. "I'll take lead."
"Just don't screw it up like how you screw up all your other trials with Nate," she said bitterly as she walked to the cabinet.
Her words slapped me hard because I knew they were true, yet I kept my face blank.
"I don't screw them up," I said.
She snorted as she riffled through the drawer. "Sure. Tell that to the last jury that watched you fall apart the second Nate opened his mouth."
I snapped the folded shut and stood.
"You're really bold for someone who hasn't touched a real argument since law school."
She turned to me with a glare. "And you're really defensive for someone who keeps losing to her husband."
We stood there in silence for a while.
"Jealousy is not a good look on you," I told her.
"No, but pity suits you," she shot back, slamming the cabinet shut. "Wear it to court. Maybe you'll earn some sympathy points from Nate."
"You wished you earned sympathy points from Trey," I snapped, watching that smug smile of hers quickly die.
"At least he cared enough to tell me when things were over between us," she said. "Your relationship with Nate ended the day you decided to work for Kane & Whitman."
I stepped closer, my voice lethal. "Keep my marriage out of your mouth, or I'll remind you exactly how I earned that 97%."
"Then stop losing to the 3% that sleeps in your bed at night," she glared before storming out.