50|Peace
My father and I silently stared at each other.
It had been like this for the past eight minutes.
He sighed before standing up and pouring himself a drink.
"This doesn't bother you, does it?" He asked as he pointed to his drink.
I shook my head. "I'm good."
Rehab was hell.
Not because of the urges.
I expected those.
I had been through this already.
It was the silence.
The fucking silence.
No distractions, no noise, just me, and my thoughts.
That's what almost broke me.
He took a sip, watching me the whole time as if he was testing me.
"I'm not drinking in front of you to be an asshole, you know?" He said as he sat down.
"I know," I nodded. "But you're an asshole anyway."
He blinked at me with a shocked expression.
I leaned forward a little.
"You don't need the drink to be one. That's just extra."
He let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head.
"Still got that bite in you."
"Where do you think I got it from?" I asked.
He smiled as he stared at his glass. "I'm really sorry, Nate."
I stared at him, letting the words sit for a while in the silence.
I wasn't mad at him.
Rehab made it hard to.
"You let me believe he existed," I said, quietly. "You let me scream his name for years."
He didn't look up.
"You knew how she actually died," I continued. "You even went as far as to hide her cause of death on her death certificate."
"You were just a kid, Nate," he said. "You needed something to hate."
"No," I snapped. "I needed my father to tell me the fucking truth."
He finally looked at me with watery eyes. "I didn't know how. I didn't want you to hate her."
"I wouldn't have hated her," I whispered. "I just wanted to understand and instead of helping me, you gave me a ghost to chase."
He nodded slowly, the guilt settling in deep lines across his face.
"I thought it would protect you," he said. "Make it easier, just like the doctor said."
"It didn't," I said.
"It made me crazy. I saw him everywhere. I blamed every nightmare on him. And every time you looked at me and said nothing, I thought I was right."
"I know," he said hoarsely. "And I'll never forgive myself for that."
I sighed before leaning back.
"Take care of Naomi," he said. "Don't make her slip away like how I let your mom did."
I nodded before turning my head to the door.
Through the glass, I could see her sitting quietly outside my dad's office.
One of her hand was resting over her stomach, and the other was fidgeting with the shark necklace I bought her.
I still can't believe she's pregnant again.
I'm thrilled, but I don't want to see her hurt again.
I don't want to be hurt again.
"She waited," my dad said, causing me to turn back to him. "All three months without you, she waited."
"So did your mom," he hinted. "For a while."
I didn't say anything as I turned back to look at Naomi.
"Naomi won't wait forever," he said. "She won't keep forgiving you, not even if you have a child together."
"I know," I said as I stood up.
There was suddenly a knock on the door before dad's assistant opened.
"Mayor Carter, your meeting is in ten minutes."
Dad nodded as he stood up and looked at me.
"If you're smart, you'll take her out to the lake house in Montclair."
"Give her some air," he said. "Give her the real you."
I froze.
He never mentions that place anymore.
"Are you sure?" I asked him and he sighed.
"Nathaniel, if you don't take her I'll find her another husband to," he made clear and I nodded before rushing out to her.
...
"Are you okay?" I asked her as I helped her out of my truck.
She nodded, but her eyes lingered on the house near the lake in front of us.
The breeze caught her hair, and she quickly pulled behind her ears.
"It's beautiful," she smiled. "How come I haven't seen this before?"
"It's where I grew up," I explained. "After my mom died, we moved."
Her smile faded and a sorry expression appeared on her face.
I didn't give her the space to fumble for words.
"I haven't been back in years. Thought I hated it here. Thought I hated what it reminded me of."
She looked out toward the lake, quiet for a moment. "And now?"
"I feel at peace," I told her. "And I want to make new memories here."
I turned to her. "With you."
I kissed her stomach, which caused her to giggle. "And you."
She smiled as she rubbed her belly. "I'm sure our baby will love it here."
I wrapped my arms around her from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder as we both looked out at the lake.
"I can already imagine a mini you running around as we chase them," I smiled, but when I looked at her she wasn't smiling.
I turned her to face me as I straightened up.
"Nae, what's wrong?" I asked and a few tears fell out of her eyes. "Are you worried?"
She shook her head as she wiped her tears.
"No," she cried. "This is the calmest I've ever felt."
I watched her confused.
Sometimes I understand my wife, but most of the times she's like a road I have no map for.
"I just-" she sniffled, laughing softly through it. "I forgot what peace felt like. Now that I have it, I don't know what to do with it."
I stepped closer and cupped her face gently.
"You don't have to do anything with it. Just let it hold you."
She looked down. "Nate, I have something to admit."
I automatically held my breath. "What is it?"
She hesitated, then met my eyes. "I quit."
"Quit what?"
"Kane & Whitman," she answered. "I gave Russell my letter of resignation last week."
I stared at her stunned. "But you love that firm."
"He tried to make me stay," she said. "He even offered me more shares."
"He said I was too good to lose and that me leaving would set a 'bad precedent'."
I scoffed.
Sounds exactly like something he would say.
"But where was that energy before?" She asked. "When I was overworking myself to sickness?"
"When they picked Kate over me?" She asked. "Where was that when you had to make them offer me a position I should've already earned on my own?"
I stepped toward her, but she shook her head gently.
"I'm not angry," she added, voice soft. "Not anymore. I'm just done. Done begging to be seen. Done fighting for a seat at a table that was never built for me."
She looked away for a second, as if gathering the words she'd held back for years.
"They smiled in my face. Called me 'intense' in meetings, 'too passionate' in front of clients. Watched me win every case they thought I'd lose, and still gave Kate the credit."
"I don't want to be around people that always tell me that I'm good, but never think I'm deserving of a reward."
She hesitated.
"That's why I want to open my own firm," she said. "A place that accepts me for me. A place that accepts anyone and rewards them for being excellent."
Her eyes searched mine, vulnerable but steady.
"No more shrinking myself to make other people comfortable. I want to build something where people like me don't have to prove twice as much to get half as far."
I felt a tightness in my chest, the kind that comes when you're watching someone become exactly who they were meant to be.
She looked down at her little baby bump.
"It'll be after the baby is born safely of course," she said. "But I want to do this."
I smiled as I pulled her into a hug. "I'm so proud of you."
She let out a breath of relief against my shoulders. "Thank you. I needed to hear that."
I leaned back just enough to look at her.
"You don't need anyone's permission to be incredible, but I'll still remind you every damn day if you ever forget."
She smiled, her eyes watery, but sure. "You better."
We stood there for a moment, quiet except for the wind outside and the way her fingers curled into my shirt like she finally felt safe.
"I'm glad Columbia's library was closed for maintenance that night," she said out of nowhere.
"Or else I would've never found the love of my life."
I laughed. "If anything, I'm the lucky one."
She smiled, stepping closer, her eyes shining with something soft and fierce all at once.
"I love you, Nate."
The words felt like a promise whispered into the quiet air between us.
"I love you too, Nae."
I pulled her in and kissed her slow and deep, like sealing every scar and every hope we'd carried throughout the years.
When we finally parted, she grinned mischievously.
"Have you ever had sex by a lake before?"
I chuckled, brushing her twists behind her ears.
"No," I said. "But I can't think of a better place to start."
She laughed before grabbing my hand and pulled me towards her.