Chapter 13 #3
The trouble was, it was now becoming clearer to Milly that she was in no way ready to go home.
There was so much to learn about the Danish way of life, so much she wanted to do before then.
She wanted to feel all the things she’d been experiencing here and somehow she just knew she wouldn’t back in Milton Keynes.
Yes, she could take all the tips she’d learned about community and wellbeing, and apply them back in England, but the fact was, she was also beginning to realise how much of her life she found unfulfilling.
She really didn’t want to go back to financial consulting for one.
She liked what she was doing with the café and with that other business and her online community.
It was like combining the skills she’d learned through her work and as a content creator.
She loved helping people thrive, seeing their businesses soar.
Was there any way she could make a career out of it?
The idea seemed so preposterous she almost laughed out loud, and if she told her mum what she was thinking she’d have a fit.
Her mum said, ‘I’ve got to say I’m relieved you’re not going to do what Ada did and just up and leave, abandoning your family and friends.’ She gave a tight laugh, but Milly could hear the emotion underneath it. The fear.
Oh God. ‘Ada didn’t abandon anyone, Mum. She was facing burnout. Her mental health was really suffering.’
‘Then take a holiday! You don’t have to up and go off to live in another country.’
Milly pinched the bridge of her nose as the waiter came over. ‘Hang on a sec, Mum.’ She moved the phone away and ordered a matcha, thanking them before reluctantly returning to her call. ‘She’s happier now than I’ve ever seen her. Isn’t that worth making a change for?’
‘Not if it takes you away from all your family and friends. Her poor mum must miss her terribly.’
‘Her mum’s happy she’s living her best life. The life she wants.’
Milly could hear her mum’s breathing changing slightly.
There was a shallowness to it, indicating she was growing worried.
She heard a rustling as her mum stood up, and Milly could just imagine her going into the kitchen to clean, which she did when she was agitated.
The squirt of a spray bottle indicated she was right.
‘Well,’ her mum said a little more firmly. ‘I still think it’s a bit selfish.’
Milly knew there was no point in arguing. If only she realised how much her constant concern impacted Milly. She could almost feel the chains tightening around her, pulling her back home, back to a life she wasn’t sure she wanted anymore just to keep the peace and not cause any more fuss and worry.
‘I’ve got to go soon, Mum,’ Milly said, pushing her glasses up her nose. ‘But I’ll call you in a couple of days, shall I?’
‘Yes, do. I do miss you.’
Though their relationship was sometimes strained, she did love her mum and her heart squeezed. ‘I miss you too, Mum. Sending you a big hug. Bye.’
Milly laid her phone on the table just as the waiter brought her drink. She pulled it towards her, letting out a heavy sigh.
‘Is everything all right?’ the waiter asked in perfect English, smiling kindly.
‘Sorry. Was I being too loud?’
‘Not at all, you just weren’t smiling, and you seem a little upset.’
He had kind eyes and tilted his head slightly.
There was absolutely no way this would have happened in Milton Keynes.
If anything, whoever had been sat near her would have probably been earwigging and laughing or tutting increasingly loudly to show they disapproved of her having a conversation in a café.
‘Just … family,’ Milly said. ‘They’re wonderful but also …’ What was a polite word she could use?
‘Challenging?’ he said with a smile.
‘Exactly that!’
‘My advice is to be honest. That normally avoids most problems and if it doesn’t avoid them, people at least understand where you’re coming from.’
‘That’s good advice. I’m just not sure my mum would understand any of my decisions.’
She certainly wouldn’t understand Milly giving up a stable and secure job for something as outlandish as content creation.
The waiter smiled as another customer sat down. ‘I better go, but good luck.’
‘Thank you. Have a good day.’
She pushed a hand into her blonde hair, tucking it behind her ear, sipped her matcha and took a moment to contemplate.
She’d lived most of her life, especially since the accident, doing things she knew her mum would approve of, causing as little stress as possible after all the worry she’d caused before.
It hadn’t been her fault back then, but she still felt guilty about it, and that guilt sometimes ate away at her.
But she was nearly thirty. Wasn’t it time she did what made her happy?
Like Ada had done? What exactly did that look like though?
The idea was almost too big to contemplate.
There were too many variables, too many emotions, too many options and too many ideas to consider.
It all amassed into a huge cloud-like blob in her head.
Something she couldn’t see through, figure out or break apart.
It was all just a mass of confusion. The only thing she knew for certain right now, right at this moment was that she didn’t want to go home just yet and it wasn’t all down to Theo and his stupidly lopsided grin that sent her heart pulsing in her chest. A strange sense of fulfilment she’d never had before was creeping in and that was the most dangerous thing of all.