Chapter 5 #2
‘So you! I get you’re a practical person, but this is not the time for negativity. It’s the time for support and excitement.’
‘It’s fine,’ Beth replied, not wanting them to argue over her. ‘Honestly! And Elsa’s right. I will need to start making a living. I can’t rely on my savings forever, but I’m okay with that. That, I can do. I’ve already started thinking about stock and expanding from just books.’
‘See!’ Daisy said to her wife.
Beth hid her smile behind her wine glass.
After taking a sip, she knew it was time to open up.
Her friends knew her too well and would only ask if she didn’t volunteer the information.
‘It’s just the …’ She swallowed heavily.
‘The emotional side that’s the worst. Like you said, I’ve never done anything like this before and I’m … I’m a bit scared if I’m honest.’
‘Do you need us to fly out?’ Daisy asked, concern wrinkling her smooth brow.
Where Elsa’s hair was cool and edgy, Daisy’s was long and soft.
Her dark blonde, tight-spiral curls reached down to her shoulders, untameable, and she had a peaches-and-cream complexion.
‘Because you know we will. We can be there tomorrow if need be.’
Beth shook her head. ‘No! Absolutely not. It’ll screw up all your IVF stuff, not to mention you don’t need the extra costs right now.’
‘But we want to be there for you.’
‘You are! Right now. And I tell you what, we can have regular catch-ups, and I can update you on how things are going with the bookshop, and I promise that if I need even the slightest bit of moral support, I’ll call you straight away. Is that okay?’
‘I suppose so.’ Daisy looked so sad, Beth wanted to reach out and hug her friend through the phone screen.
‘Good.’
Silence fell for a moment, and needing to distract herself from the unpleasant feelings prickling her, Beth picked up her phone and moved to the kitchen to top up her glass of wine.
The small galley kitchen was as unwelcoming and boring as the living room.
She’d actually love to have her own place, she thought, with elegant wallpaper, maybe some framed pictures on the wall.
She wanted to ask about the IVF treatment and as difficult as the subject was for her because her own body, with its PCOS, had caused her more problems than she could count, she really did want to know how things were going and to support her friends.
After a fortifying sip, Beth finally asked. ‘So how is the IVF stuff going?’
Daisy and Elsa had been desperate for a baby for a while and had finally taken the leap to start the process.
They’d chosen a donor and had opted for reciprocal IVF with Daisy carrying the baby while Elsa donated the eggs.
This meant they could both be biologically connected to the baby, but they were still at the early stages of the process.
Beth found it all a little confusing but there seemed to be a lot of things to consider, a lot of medication, and a hell of a lot of hoping and waiting.
Just getting to this point had been emotionally exhausting for her friends and their families, and the stakes were rising considerably now everything was becoming more and more real.
It was emotionally exhausting for her too, given her own body’s limitations, but she tried not to talk about it because she hated bringing the mood down, and as they’d begun to mention starting a family, Beth hadn’t wanted them to feel the need to tread gently.
As a teenager, when she’d been diagnosed with PCOS, polycystic ovary syndrome, it had been hard to hear.
It brought with it a wealth of unpleasant symptoms and, as she’d grown, the realisation that her chances of getting pregnant were slimmer than most people’s.
Lately, as her friends had explored different options for having children, this had brought on a whole existential crisis about whether she even wanted children or not.
At times she was undecided as the question of partners and futures popped up.
So far she hadn’t had any relationships get that far, her work giving her far more pleasure than any mediocre dates ever had.
But it often led her to wonder, what if things were different?
What if she met someone and fell in love, and they wanted kids and she didn’t?
Would it be easy to meet someone who felt the way she did?
Someone who was still as unsure as she was.
It was a minefield. And, if she were honest, that was probably why she hadn’t dated much here, even though she was surrounded by gorgeous Italian men.
Deep down, she’d always had a feeling inside that motherhood wasn’t really for her.
She hadn’t had the same hankering for it Daisy, Elsa and some of her other friends had. Would that ever change?
She pushed the thought aside. The last two days had been difficult enough without her thinking about things she couldn’t change and weren’t actually a problem right now, and might never be. Right now, Daisy and Elsa needed her full attention.
As Daisy launched into an excited update on specialist appointments and their hopes for the future, Beth poured herself some more wine, smiling at the love radiating through the phone screen.
After a while, when conversation turned to their jobs and the mundane bits of life, Elsa asked: ‘So what are your next steps? When does the sale complete?’
‘It should be fairly quick as it’s a private sale. Apparently it’s all very straightforward. Which works out nicely. I can get out of here into somewhere new, and by the time I’ve moved, I’ll be ready to start my new business.’
Beth suddenly realised she hadn’t told her parents what was going on.
They’d never been particularly close, and the gulf had only grown since they’d both retired and started cruising around the world.
They’d always been impulsive and had urged Beth to be more like them, but as she’d been the one to sort out the messes they’d got themselves into (especially financially) it wasn’t any wonder she was how she was. She’d send them an email. Later.
‘What are you going to call this bookshop then?’ Daisy asked.
‘I think I’ll keep the original name to be honest. I was so touched by Signor Balbo, and I love the one he chose all those years ago. I think it’ll be nice to carry it on, especially as his children aren’t interested. It’s called La Libreria delle Parole which means The Library of Words.’
Both Elsa and Daisy said ‘Aww!’ at the same time and it was like another stamp of approval on her crazy move.
‘I love it!’ Daisy announced with a clap.
‘Me too,’ Elsa replied. ‘And if you need any help advertising the place, let me know straight away.’ She was a media executive and had worked in advertising since leaving uni.
Her skills would definitely come in handy, but first, Beth needed to decide what she really wanted the Library of Words to actually be.
She had ideas, but she needed to turn those into firm plans.
She had to know exactly what it would stock, who would it appeal to and if she wanted to attract mostly tourists or locals.
She knew from working in Gallerie dell’Accademia that to attract the locals they had to change things up – host touring exhibitions, change displays, host events – and they made up a good, stable part of their income, especially in the winter when Venice wasn’t the most sought-after destination. Would she be able to do that?
Feeling suddenly inspired, that need to organise her thoughts and to plan grabbing her stronger than ever, Beth signed off her call and grabbed her e-notebook and began making a list. She’d also need to set up a business bank account, a business email address and lay the groundwork before she did anything else.
There was a lot to do before she took possession of the barge, not least of which was finding somewhere to live.
She clasped her wine and moved back to the sofa, phone in hand.
Switching on the TV for some background noise, she began searching the local estate agents and researching the best business bank accounts.
Impulsive or not, her decision had been made – she was here and here to stay – and it was time to put her organisational skills to good use.
First she’d see what flats she could find and second, she’d plan the first step for the book barge. There was work to do!