Chapter 12
That night, after checking in on the book barge and seeing the amazing progress Cesca had made, and collecting Polo (though Beth still got strange looks as she walked through the streets of Venice with him), Beth returned to her rented apartment with a spring in her step.
The furthest end of the barge now looked like a bright and airy space.
The book storage Cesca had created gave her lots of room, and there was space to move and browse without knocking into things.
All Beth needed to do was start painting, which she would, first thing tomorrow, while Cesca worked on the next section of the barge.
She’d have to pick up some pastries on her way in the next morning as a thank you.
She couldn’t believe how much Cesca had achieved already.
As Beth approached her flat, she noticed a man leaning up against the wall, one leg scuffing the paintwork.
He looked incredibly young, as if he’d only just left school, and as she drew closer she recognised him as the junior estate agent who’d come with the more senior one when she’d looked at, and decided to rent, this apartment.
Oh no.
She wasn’t supposed to have pets and here she was carrying a basket with a cat in it. And there was nowhere to put it. Thinking quickly, she dived into an alcove, took off her coat, picked up the cat carrier again and laid the coat over the top, hiding as much of it as possible. Polo meowed loudly.
‘Shhh! Just be quiet for a few minutes. They must just be checking in with me or something.’
Knots formed in Beth’s stomach. Spiky, uncomfortable knots that prodded at her. She wasn’t a natural rule breaker. How much trouble could she get into for keeping a pet when she shouldn’t?
‘Hello?’ she said, drawing the young man’s attention up from his phone.
‘Ah, Miss Thorpe.’ He began speaking quickly in Italian and it took her tired, panicked mind a moment to translate what he was saying.
‘Wait, wait, wait,’ she said in English, holding up her free hand. Moving had caused the cat carrier to rock and Polo meowed again.
The young man frowned, looking down at her coat. ‘Was that—’
‘I didn’t hear anything. But that’s not important. Are you saying that you have another booking?’
‘Sì.’
‘For this flat?’
‘Sì.’
‘For when?’
‘Two days,’ he said in English, stating the words slowly and carefully.
‘Two days!’ Her words echoed around the quiet space and Polo gave an angry mew as his carrier shook again. She echoed the sound to make out it was her, and the poor estate agent’s eyes widened in terror.
‘What am I supposed to do? Do you have anywhere else I can stay?’
He shook his head, taking a step back from her in case she made the strange sound again. Beth felt quite sorry for the poor boy. ‘I’m sorry, Signora, but the bookings have started coming in and you did know—’
‘I know, I know, I just—’ She sighed. She’d been so busy hiding Polo and his stupid noises, the reality of what he was saying was only just sinking in. ‘I thought I’d get more notice than this.’
He gave another shrug. ‘I’m very sorry. We will need to get in tomorrow and clean the apartment.’ He eyed her coat. ‘Especially if you have kept a pet we didn’t know about.’
‘Pet?’ She laughed hysterically and it echoed around the empty hall. ‘I don’t have a pet. Don’t be silly.’
Polo made a strange noise like he was about to bring up a furball and she coughed loudly to cover it. ‘And you don’t have anywhere else I can go?’
He shook his head. ‘I am very sorry.’ He ostentatiously checked his watch and sighed. ‘I have another appointment I must get to. Please drop in the keys tomorrow.’
Beth watched as he virtually ran down the stairs and away from her. Beth’s shoulders slumped as Polo gurgled again.
‘Oh hush. You think you’ve got problems? Where am I going to sleep from now on?’
Instead of a nice evening with a gorgeous pasta dinner and her feet up, it looked like she’d be filling her suitcases and lugging them to the book barge.
She couldn’t afford to waste money on hotels.
Not when she needed to restock the bookshop, and with such a tight deadline, she’d have to sleep there until she could find a cheap hotel or something nearby.
Frustration and irritation tensed her muscles, and her hand tightened around the keys.
Closing her eyes to stop the tears from falling, she opened the door and set Polo down.
Her feet ached as she made her way to her suitcase and began packing her things.
She’d have to make several trips to move all her books.
Going with the flow was proving a lot more difficult this time.
She’d dealt with everything thrown at her as best she could for the last month, but this was proving more difficult to accept.
A sudden longing for her old flat, for the safety of her job and the dusty air of the galleria gripped her. She flopped onto the bed and Polo jumped up, leaning against her so she could stroke his fur. The rhythmic movement of her hand calmed her for a moment, and she gathered herself.
‘Right, Polo. We better get started. If we don’t, it’s going to be a long night.’
After dragging two heavy suitcases inside the barge for the final time, Beth fell into one of the armchairs and wrapped a blanket around her, too tired to even light the fire.
Thanks to her exertions she wasn’t cold, and her appetite had all but disappeared with the stress.
Polo looked at her in confusion at being back at the book barge, and after stretching and eating his dinner, he jumped onto her lap, affectionately padding the blanket as she stroked his fur.
The comfort of having him hit her again and she sent a thank you to Signor Balbo for this unexpected gift.
Beth’s eyes felt too tired and heavy to read.
Tomorrow, she’d have to put her decorating plans on hold and go and find a new place to live.
She wasn’t even sure if she was allowed to sleep on the book barge.
There were always strange, ancient by-laws in Venice pulled out by officials when the occasion called for it. She just hoped no one would report her.
After grabbing another blanket from a suitcase wedged open, filling the narrow walkway, her eyes were just closing when her phone rang.
Seeing who it was, she cursed. As much as she loved her friends she wasn’t in the mood to speak to them right now, knowing how much they’d worry if she told them the truth.
She didn’t like lying to them either, much as she didn’t like lying to Marco, but if she told them the truth tonight of what had happened, they wouldn’t sleep, and she’d only feel guilty for worrying them.
No, it was better to stay quiet about it all, at least until she’d moved into somewhere new.
She thought about not answering at all rather than lying, but missing their call would be even worse.
She’d receive multiple text messages from both of them checking on her and asking for updates.
It was simply better to get it out of the way and make sure the conversation focused on them and not her.
Beth sat up, plastered on a smile and turned on her camera. ‘Hey, you two, what’s up?’
‘Oh my God, are you still at the book barge?’ Daisy asked.
‘I am,’ she replied, adjusting the blankets so they were out of sight. ‘Working late to get it ready.’
‘Good for you!’ Elsa said, and then an eerie silence took over while her friends glanced at each other, smiling like loons.
‘What’s going on?’ Beth asked tentatively.
They were clearly up to something, and their inexpert whispering came through the microphone, Elsa saying, ‘You say it.’
‘No you say it.’
‘Say what?’ Beth asked, a grin pulling at her mouth for the first time in hours.
Her best friends looked at each other, then the camera and shouted in unison, ‘We’re pregnant!’
Beth’s mouth fell into a wide O, her jaw slackening, her eyes widening. Happiness flooded her body like a wave. ‘Oh my God, you guys, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you!’
Knowing her friends had been blessed with something they’d wanted for so long, her own troubles faded, and joy filled her, easing away all the negative thoughts of the day. She watched them smiling at each other, Elsa kissing Daisy’s cheek, Daisy kissing her temple in return.
‘It’s quick,’ Daisy said with a shy smile as they looked back at the screen and Beth. ‘But the IVF took really quickly. We’re so lucky.’
‘We really are,’ Elsa echoed.
‘Wow! I mean … wow! I’m – I’m so happy for you.
’ She said it genuinely as tears sprung to her eyes.
A dark niggle in her mind reminded her this would likely never happen for her and before she could stop it, her thoughts were racing with the questions she’d always fought with about having her own children.
The guilt at thinking about herself at a time like this ripped at her throat and she swallowed the hard lump down, tears springing to her eyes.
‘Don’t cry!’ Daisy wailed. ‘You’ll send me off too!’
Beth wiped her eyes, pushing those miserable thoughts down.
She’d deal with them later. For now she wanted to know all about how her friends were doing and share in their excitement and happiness.
It had been hard won, and they deserved every second of this joy.
‘It’s the best news. I honestly am so, so happy for you. So what happens now?’
Daisy caught a tear on her finger and sniffed. ‘I’ll be having regular check-ups and additional care but so far, everything looks really positive. We have the first scan pictures. Look!’
They held some fuzzy black and white images Beth couldn’t make head nor tail of, but she took their word for it that they were of a baby.
‘We can’t chat long,’ Daisy said. ‘We need to tell the rest of the families. You’re the first person we’ve told.’
She’d never felt more honoured or more loved and almost started crying again.
‘Don’t!’ Elsa commanded.
‘I’m honoured,’ Beth replied smiling, and a swell of love overrode her own mixed emotions. ‘You better go then and we can catch up properly another night, okay? But I’m so, so happy for you. You’re going to be great mums!’
‘We love you!’ they chorused as they rang off and Beth sank back into the chair.
As the screen went black, tears formed in Beth’s eyes. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for her friends, she was – ecstatically – it was just that, up until that moment, the thought that she’d never go through this herself had been on the periphery of her mind. A decision for future Beth to make.
There’d been times the idea of children had surfaced, of course there had, but she’d ignored it because it hadn’t been a priority as she focused on her career and building her own life.
But now she was getting to an age, as her friends were, that children and families became the next logical step.
Her PCOS meant the chances of her conceiving were slim and she wasn’t even sure she wanted children.
That in itself made her feel strange because it wasn’t the done thing.
Women had children. They became mothers.
To want children was natural, to not want them was unnatural.
It wasn’t fair, but that was how so many people saw it.
Yet, she’d never really seen children in her future, and couldn’t imagine them as part of her life.
As much as she loved a quick cuddle with a friend’s baby, a game with a toddler visiting the gallery, and was looking forward to building a children’s section in the Library of Words for the kids to visit, being around them simply didn’t inspire any kind of maternal feeling inside her.
Beth wiped her eyes knowing that the tears were for her finally coming to terms with a decision she’d struggled with for so long. A fact about herself she’d previously ignored and refused to face.
Life could be so utterly confusing at times. Not to mention bloody hard work. She looked around the book barge where she’d be sleeping that night and for the foreseeable future as if that were proof enough of her point.
A heavy sigh helped the tension and emotion ease from her body and mind, and she made herself a cup of tea, the cold sneaking back into her bones as she moved around the barge.
After changing into her pyjamas and an extra jumper for warmth, she snuggled back on the armchair, under her blanket, with Polo by her side, reaching for her latest read: a comforting, feel-good romance.
She needed to disappear into a world where everything turned out all right in the end.
Right now, she had to believe that was what happened in life and that things would work out for her too.