Chapter Eight #2
She smiled, thinking of a younger Faye sitting at her pink desk with her diary and glitter-gel pens, making sure she ate and drank the right foods.
Afterwards, she’d line up her stuffed animals to pray with her to increase the odds of being heard.
She wasn’t sure when she stopped praying, or believing in God, but remembering it now stirred a forgotten ache in her chest. Of wanting to be heard. Wanting to be normal.
“On bad days, I’d take my duvet and pillows and curl up on the bathroom floor.
But this particular time was worse than normal.
A lot worse. The pain never left, and I burned hot all over.
I probably should’ve called my dads sooner, but I didn’t want to bother them.
” A flash of pain ghosted through her at the memory.
“The next thing I know, I’m waking up in the hospital. I’d blacked out from the pain.”
Diana squeezed her hand, grounding her. She hadn’t meant to say so much, but once the words were out, they’d tugged at a string, unravelling so much she’d kept inside.
“My bowel was so badly inflamed it had perforated, and the tearing caused a severe infection. They had to remove a significant part, so they gave me this.” Her hand brushed the bag. “My dads say I’m lucky to be alive.” Her throat thickened, and she swallowed. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.”
Tears pricked her eyelids. She’d never admitted that out loud.
Never dared let her thoughts linger there too long.
She had to be positive and happy for her dads, to stop them worrying.
David had taken so much time off work, and Lukas had cancelled his art tour.
Faye hated how it had affected them. She hated being the “abnormal” one. The failure.
Diana moved her hand to catch Faye’s tear, smoothing it across her cheek. The gesture was so soft, so gentle, that more tears followed.
“That sounds very painful and tiring.” Diana looked at her, those brown eyes so full of care, it touched someplace deep in Faye’s chest. “What is the pain like now, since your operation? Do you still get flare-ups?”
Faye shook her head. “As far as my Crohn’s goes, the pain has more or less stopped.”
It had always been an option for her to have surgery, but the lifestyle change had felt too drastic. Too different. Too abnormal. She didn’t think she’d be able to cope with it. Until that decision was made for her. Which could be considered both a blessing and a curse.
“That’s one good thing to come out of all of this, then,” Diana said.
Faye chewed her lip. She’d never thought of it that way before. She’d always focused on the negative changes having an ostomy brought. The positive ones had never crossed her mind.
The surgery had caused her a lot of pain and discomfort, sure.
But since then? She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a curl-up-on-the-bathroom-floor day or had to run to the bathroom constantly, day and night.
She’d had other challenges and frustrations, with leaks and anxiety, but as far as the pain went? None.
“I suppose it is.” She let out a huff of laughter. “Thanks.”
“What for?”
“For listening. Not running for the hills. I was…nervous to tell you.”
“You were?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t really tell people. I guess I choose to conceal.”
Diana nodded, something else seemingly swimming behind those irises. “Thank you for being honest. I value that.” Then she frowned, the line between her eyebrows creasing. “I owe you the courtesy of doing the same.”
Nervous heat stirred in Faye’s abdomen. She hoped Diana couldn’t sense her fluttering pulse as her fingertips stroked her wrist again.
Diana wet her lips. “I find myself drawn to you.”
Faye’s heart skipped a beat, jumping up into her throat. She couldn’t squash the smile spreading across her face.
“But I have other priorities,” she added, cutting that hope down fast. “My work schedule is hectic. I have a looming deadline I’m unprepared for, and personal relationships I need to repair.
I fear that my fascination with you is my brain trying to hardwire a distraction.
I can’t afford to do that, so it’s best we’re on the same page about this.
” She patted Faye’s hand and then moved her hand away, resting it on her own thigh.
Faye grew cold with the absence. “Pursuing something wouldn’t be fair. I’m sorry.”
Diana stood, picking up the wrap that she’d left folded on the bedframe, and headed towards the door. Faye didn’t want her to leave yet. They were finally getting somewhere. If she let this moment pass, she knew she’d regret it.
Adrenaline from her confession pushed her to her feet. She cut Diana off at the door, pressing her own back against it so that they faced each other.
The memory of Diana pushing her up against it only a few moments ago sent another flutter through her stomach.
“I’m not a kid, Diana. I don’t need to be your priority. I’m under no illusions that anything with you would be just short-term; we’re only here for three weeks. Which actually makes this the perfect arrangement.”
The way Diana’s mouth quirked sent a thunderous pulse between her legs. “Arrangement?”
“The island is all about opening yourself up to possibilities, new pathways, new experiences, right? Maybe this is what we both need.” Faye raised her chin. “As long as we’re on the same page about where we stand, what’s the problem?”
Faye didn’t expect her offer to be so forward, nor for Diana to watch her silently, those dark eyes assessing her.
Shit. Have I overstepped?
“We’re both attracted to each other,” she went on. “We’ve nothing to lose. It seems a wasted opportunity not to have a little fun. When was the last time you did that?” She wet her lips, trying to ignore her heart thumping against her ribcage. “Don’t write me off yet.”
Diana’s eyes crinkled, her gaze passing over Faye agonisingly slowly, reawakening the throb in her pelvis.
She leaned forward, her lips a mere few centimetres from Faye’s ear, so that her breath tickled her neck.
“I’ll consider your arrangement.” She pulled back.
“Goodnight, Faye.” Then she sidestepped, reaching around Faye’s waist, her hand caressing her lower back, to reach the handle.
They were so close now. Just a breath separating them. Faye’s body burned as she thought about closing the distance and pushing Diana backwards onto her bed. To feel her lips on hers. To feel them in other, more sensitive places. For her to stay.
“Don’t take too long,” she said.
“Oh? I didn’t realise this was a limited offer.”
What did you go and say that for? Panic licked up Faye’s spine.
“I just think…there’s no time like the present.”
Is that the best you’ve got?
“Hmm. I think your debate skills need work. Your closing argument could be more convincing.” Diana released a wicked smirk. She opened the door, the salty air feathering the fabric of her dress.
Faye stepped out of the way.
More convincing, huh?
As Diana turned to say goodbye, she cupped her face, planting a kiss on the woman’s perfect mouth. Slow and soft. Enough to turn Faye’s own legs to jelly. The sensation churned further, pulling her deeper into the kiss as Diana kissed her back, her hands firm at her waist.
Diana pulled away sooner than she’d have liked, her body protesting in response.
“That’s better,” Diana said, a little breathless—which Faye took as a win.
She watched her walk away until she disappeared over the hill, hoping she’d put that swing in her hips just for her.