Chapter 6
Tess wasn’t sure how she got through the following weeks, only that she forced herself to get up out of bed in the mornings, showered and dressed so that she was ready to face whatever the day had in store for her.
She wasn’t going to waste any more time dwelling on what had happened because all the ruminating in the world wasn’t going to change a thing.
Tossing and turning in bed of a night, taunted by images of Charles sharing a bed with Melody, only made her sad and angry, so the best way of dealing with it was to put it entirely out of her mind.
Not that she always managed to do that, but with each passing day, it was becoming a little easier to achieve.
Thank goodness for Barney, who was always there every morning with an expectant expression and a wagging tail, which never failed to make Tess smile.
It gave her the motivation to shake off her worries and step outside, finding comfort and solace in the picturesque landscape of Lower Leaping, appreciating the way the elements, today a gentle, warm breeze, wrapped themselves around her in a hug, urging her onwards.
Putting aside her own concerns, Tess knew she needed to be strong for her mum and Hannah, who were both worried sick about her being alone and the state of her mind, observing her from a distance through far too many calls and texts, half expecting her to spiral into a pit of despair.
She didn’t want to be that woman. Someone to be pitied.
It infuriated her what Charles had done to her, but more the way his actions had impacted on the people that she loved, hurting her mother and daughter in a way that she was unable to put right.
She’d always been the strong one, the care provider, the solution giver and giver of hugs too, and she didn’t want that to change.
There was no other option but for her to get on with it and prove to everyone, Charles especially, that this setback wouldn’t destroy her.
She would be just like those women in the glossy magazines who reinvented themselves in midlife.
Pottering in the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher, she turned her gaze to the garden, looking out on the summer house which had been Charles’s office for a few years, ever since the country was made to stay at home during lockdown.
Despite the uncertainty, Tess had enjoyed that period when she could peer out of the window and see Charles’s broad figure working hard at his computer.
It lifted her heart. She would wander in at various points throughout the day to take him a mug of coffee or tea, for a chat, and he would join her in the kitchen for a spot of lunch or later, at the end of the day, for a gin and tonic.
When he returned to the office, Tess missed his daily presence around the place, and the summer house, filled with bookshelves, desks and computer equipment, was rarely used, becoming a storing ground for odd bits of garden furniture, games and old paperwork, which was a shame as the soft-teal wooden structure was a charming building that blended in beautifully with the surrounding trees and shrubbery.
Tess’s musing was interrupted by the insistent ringing of the doorbell.
‘Hello, yes! Perfect. I’ve opened the gates. Could you put it as far down the driveway as you can get it. Thank you.’
Tess and Barney watched the activity from the safety of the house with Tess shushing the dog to stop his barking but Barney taking absolutely no notice and running up and down excitedly, desperate to get out in the garden to help.
Only when the lorry had reversed out of the driveway and the doorbell rang again did Tess allow Barney to escape the confines of the house to see what was going on.
‘All done?’ she asked as she pulled open the front door to greet who she thought would be the driver. ‘Ah… Dilly! I thought you were the…’
‘No, I think he’s gone. I saw the skip arriving,’ she said, looking over her shoulder. ‘Are you having a clear-out? Oh, by the way, I brought you some rock buns. I made a batch this morning, but then realised it’s probably not a good idea if I eat them all myself.’
Dilly thrust a Tupperware box in Tess’s direction.
‘Thank you. Did you want to come in? I was about to get started on sorting out the summer house, but…’ Tess ran a hand through her hair, hoping Dilly might take the hint.
‘How kind! These buns go perfectly with a cuppa, so why don’t we pop the kettle on and we can have a proper catch-up. I can always give you a hand if you’d like me to?’
One of the changes Tess had resolved to make in her life was to stop saying yes to things she didn’t want to do for fear of upsetting the other person or simply to please them, which she had been guilty of in the past. Today though, it wouldn’t hurt to give her neighbour a little time, especially when she’d been so kind as to bring cakes.
‘Goodness me, I’d forgotten how beautiful this place is,’ said Dilly, walking in and craning her head to look all around her. ‘I think I came in once several years ago for Christmas drinks and can remember how lovely it was, but you’ve clearly done a lot of work since then.’
Tess flicked the kettle on and pulled out a couple of mugs from the cupboard, feeling a pang of guilt.
The Christmas drinks party, a drop-in, all-day do, was an annual event bringing together their friends, family and villagers, over some glasses of fizz and some festive canapés.
Tess had always loved those occasions with the house looking its best festooned with garlands and the tree sparkling enticingly in front of the double doors of the orangery.
By the end of the day, she and Charles had always been delightfully satiated, filled with goodwill, mince pies and far too many glasses of wine.
Now, she had to wonder when and why they had scratched Dilly off the invitation list.
‘So tell me, what are you up to with the skip? I hope you’re not thinking of moving away. After the break-up. I’d miss you, if you were to go.’
Tess handed Dilly a mug of tea and offered her one of her buns from the box, and Tess followed her lead, putting the crumbly, sweet treats onto plates.
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Tess reassured Dilly. ‘I considered it briefly. Wondered if it might be better if I made a fresh start somewhere new, but then I thought, why should I? I’ve done nothing wrong. This is my home, and I love it here.’
‘Good for you. I’m pleased to hear it. I’d hate to lose you as a neighbour.’
Tess caught Dilly’s smile, knowing that she absolutely meant it.
‘Tell me to mind my own business if I’m being nosey, but is there any chance that Charles might come home?’
Tess shook her head firmly.
‘No.’ She’d asked herself the same thing, imagined him making a mercy dash, late one evening, realising the mistake he’d made, begging her forgiveness.
She would be the bigger person, understand that he was only human and had given in to his base needs, but she would be strong enough to overlook his disloyalty and give him a second chance.
‘There’s no going back,’ she said with a certainty she didn’t entirely feel.
‘I’m going to make some changes around here,’ Tess explained.
‘Make the place my own again, starting with Charles’s office.
It was originally intended as a summer house, but now I want to make it my personal snug-cum-craft-room, somewhere I can retreat to in the afternoon, spend some time drawing, or crocheting, or reading my book, with Barney curled up at my side.
I’ve already ordered a daybed to go against the back wall. ’
‘What a wonderful idea. I only wish I had the space to do the same.’
Dilly’s cottage, aptly named Lavender Cottage, from the fragrant plants that lined her front path, was the end of a terrace of what were originally farmworkers cottages, which was separated from the larger, double-fronted Hollyhocks Cottage by a wide, gravel driveway.
Tess and Dilly’s paths often crossed on their way in and out of their houses when they exchanged a cheery wave and greeting, but generally, that was as far as their interactions went.
Now, Tess felt ashamed to realise that she knew very little about her neighbour, only that she lived alone and had a grown-up son with a family in another part of the country.
‘Come and have a look outside,’ Tess offered once they’d finished their drinks, and Dilly followed as Tess led the way through the orangery and into the garden.
‘This is a lovely spot. I can see why you would never want to give it up.’ Dilly took a moment to soak up the scene, her gaze running around the profusion of shrubs and blooms. ‘You know, Tess, I just want to say how sorry I am about your break-up. It’s a shitty thing to happen at any time, but at this point in your life… well, it must be hard.’
‘Thanks. It’s been a shock,’ Tess admitted. ‘Honestly, I still can’t really believe it. But what can you do? You have to get on with it, don’t you? Have you ever been married?’ It seemed like the ideal opportunity to ask.
‘Twice. First to Stephen, Jon’s father, but he died about twenty years ago now, and then a second time to someone whose name I’ve forgotten, or rather, I’d prefer not to mention.
After that disaster, and divorce, I decided I was better off on my own.
Now, I can’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else.
He’d have to be pretty special. I like being able to do what I want when I want. ’
Tess nodded, wondering if she would ever get to a point where she would enjoy her single status more than being a married woman.
She couldn’t see it, somehow. She pushed up her sleeves on her t-shirt.
‘Right, well that skip’s not going to fill itself.
I ought to make a start,’ she said with determination.
‘Of course, I’ll leave you to it. Thanks for the tea,’ Dilly said, heading for the back gate. ‘Tess?’ Dilly turned, wavering a moment. ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying, but…’ She walked back towards Tess, staring intently.
‘May I?’ she asked, not waiting for Tess’s reply, before reaching a hand up to remove the scrunchie, releasing Tess’s hair onto her shoulders, and running her fingers through her tresses.
‘If you want me to sort this for you, I’d be more than happy to help.
I reckon a few soft highlights, some of this length off and some choppy layers through the top, and honestly, it would make the world of difference.
I promise, it would take years off you.’
‘Oh…’ Self-consciously, Tess put a hand up to hair, knowing it was dry and frizzy, and well overdue a conditioning treatment, but she’d hoped it might not be noticeable tied back behind her head. Clearly, she was wrong. ‘I remember now, you have a salon in town.’
‘I sold it five years ago,’ Dilly said, matter-of-factly.
‘I still work a few days a week though as a freelance hairdresser. I like to look after my long-standing clients and it gets me out of the house and brings in some extra spending money too. Although I wouldn’t charge you.
I’d be happy to give you a bit of a makeover for free. ’
‘Well, thanks!’ Tess wasn’t sure if she should feel insulted or grateful. She took back the scrunchie Dilly held in her hand and quickly tied her hair back again. ‘I’ll let you know about that.’
She smiled tightly as Dilly walked away, feeling embarrassed as she let out a sigh that sent a wayward strand of hair falling over her face fluttering in front of her eyes.
She marched into the office to find something, anything, that she could throw into the skip.
Spotting an old monitor that she had already marked to be thrown out, she picked it up and chucked it with force into the skip, feeling a sense of satisfaction hearing the glass shatter at the bottom.