31. New Mission #2
“No, sir,” I said quickly. “I know I lost control, but surely you of all people understand—”
“Of course I do!” His eyes narrowed to slits and his voice took a dark edge. “You think I never fought the force of the bond? Do you truly believe I never had to hold myself back from violence for her sake?!”
“Of course not. I only meant you’d understand how easy it is to lose sight of anything else!”
His mouth closed and he nodded once, tightly.
“I do. Which is precisely why I cannot allow you into Fyrehold. I cannot send you when you’ve already proven you cannot control yourself.
I can’t condone the conduct you’ve displayed in the past few weeks.
And I definitely cannot have anyone who would so willfully deceive us, represent the kingdom as a Furyknight. ”
“But sir!”
Gil and Ronen lurched forward, but his eyes remained fierce and fixed on me.
I’d seen that resolute set to his jaw before.
The echo of those words, alongside the bonfire of anger in Donavyn’s eyes and posture, was a death knell in my heart.
My heart clenched in dread. I couldn’t breathe.
My head swam with the images of my worst nightmares.
No Furyknights.
No dragons.
No society.
Loss of squad.
No more family.
No more belonging—
“Whoa, sir, you can’t really mean—” Gil started.
“I certainly can. And if this is the mutinous rot that has infected my most trusted squad, I shudder to think what will come of the rest of us.”
Ronen jerked to attention. “Sir, Voski isn’t—”
“Voski faked orders to slip away with his mate,” Donavyn snapped, glaring at Ronen.
Ronen’s head snapped back, while Gil’s shoulders slumped.
“What?” My Squad Captain turned to look at me. “Is this true? Those orders—the messenger… with Grace…” He trailed off as he saw the apologetic look on my face, and the impact of Donavyn’s words sank in.
I begged with my eyes. “I know it was wrong—”
“Wrong?!” Donavyn roared. “It was a breach of everything we vow, to build trust and unity in our ranks. After you murdered a citizen, after you lied to us about Grace, it’s the final blow, Voski.
You threw away your integrity for the sake of taking your mate—she wasn’t even in danger!
If you’d just told me, I would have released you! ”
I clawed hands into my hair, those words echoing the queen’s insistence that if I hadn’t interfered with Breckon before he struck Grace, she might have kept Grace here.
Was it possible that it really was me who was the problem?
‘Kham—’
“Ronen, go find your squad and inform them of everything that’s happened,” Donavyn said grimly. “Tell them Voski has been stripped of his pin, and is no longer a Furyknight. Any orders he has issued that are still in effect must be reviewed by me.”
“No,” I breathed. His gaze offered no relief, and little sympathy. No Grace. No squad. No family. “Sir, please—”
“Assure them that Kham remains under Kgosi’s protection, but under our new structure, he will not be assigned kingdom missions, and should not be informed of them.”
“Donavyn, please! I vowed to you!” I gripped the cell bars, white-knuckled.
He stared at me, clouds of hurt and rage in his eyes.
“Those are the orders, Ronen. Will you fulfill them?” he said quietly.
Ronen’s throat bobbed, but he nodded. When he looked at me, his face was shocked, and sad. And my heart clenched.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he murmured to me earnestly. “You could have trusted me. I would have helped.”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“This is… it feels like too much. I’ll always care. I’ll be there for you, however I can… but—”
“Ronen, you have orders,” Donavyn said starkly.
Ronen, his face suddenly haggard, nodded again, then reached through the bars to clasp my arm, before trotting off to the dark stairs the queen had used, taking them two at a time, and not looking back.
I was sick. Ill. Defeated.
“Please! This is my family. This is my home. I know it was wrong, but—”
There was a strange light in Donavyn’s eyes when he cut me off.
“You and your dragon are no longer tied to the crown. To Vosgaarde. Or to the Furyknights in any way,” he muttered.
All heat of anger gone from his voice so his tone was dead.
“Your name, your dragon’s name, anything to do with you will be removed from the records.
Your conduct is now entirely your own. We will not claim you. Or protect you.”
And then he stared at me. Through the panic, through the anger, through the fierce sense of injustice—surely the good I had done outweighed these crimes?—the first flicker in his gaze, the hint that there was a second layer here, clanged in my instincts.
“We will not assist you. We will not stand for you,” Donavyn warned. “Never again… until you prove that your commitment to what is right outstrips your selfish ambition.”
But it already did. “There is nothing selfish about my desire to save my mate from that bastard!” I snarled.
Donavyn leaned in until his nose was between the bars and his eyes flashed.
But instead of addressing me, he spoke to Gil.
“Voski is no longer one of us,” he said flatly.
“Gil, you are to escort him to collect his personal items, then ensure both he and Kham leave the Keep. Let it be put about the men that he is outcast until he has proven he can be trusted to put the needs of others before himself. A call made only by me.”
“But, sir,” Gil started.
Donavyn snapped his head to look at Gil. “Until he proves that, he’s to be left entirely to his own devices. If anyone asks, he is not a Furyknight. If he reappears at the Keep, or anywhere close to it, you report directly to me—and only me. Do you understand?”
Gil nodded sadly.
But a tiny thread of hope had coiled in my chest. …left entirely to his own devices… until he proves he can put the needs of others before himself… Not a Furyknight…
Donavyn took a deep breath, then looked at me with less fire. “Be safe,” he said sadly. “Protect what God gave you. And return to us as an honorable man that I can name brother once more.”
There was the slightest question in that last statement, and my heart flipped. I nodded. “I will,” I croaked.
Donavyn nodded once, then turned on his heel without another word, and jogged up the stairs.
I stood there, stunned, watching my General’s back, his tense shoulders, as he marched upward.
Gil was furious. “What the hell? We can’t make any mistakes now? This new freedom means we’re cut loose the moment we—”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, that’s not what just happened.”
“What?” Gil turned on me. “Didn’t you hear him?” But then he saw my slight smile, and frowned hard. “Oh, now you don’t get angry?”
Just as the stairs curved out of sight, Donavyn paused and turned his head to catch eyes with me.
And he winked. Then he disappeared.
I shook my head and my smile grew wider.
Gil’s eyes widened as understanding dawned on his face. “Did he just—”
I shushed him. “He’s made me free so I can go get Grace.
He couldn’t send a Furyknight into Fyrehold,” I said, swallowing, because that part of me that desperately needed to belong here still shrieked that I might not be returned.
“He’s removing me from the records, and removing my status.
Even if I’m discovered, he—or the queen—can’t be blamed.
And they also can’t be expected to inform on me.
It’s genius.” I turned to Gil and my smile was earnest now.
“It lets me go after her while leaving them able to deny any culpability.”
Gil’s eyes widened. He started to smile, then frowned. “I want to come!”
I shook my head. “I need you here, brother. He’s told me to come to you when I need help, and told you to report directly to him.
Not Ronen. Did you catch that? Because he knows you’ll do it, even if you aren’t supposed to.
Ronen would have a conscience to report to the Captains.
He couldn’t lie about it. I might need you. Please…”
Gil’s lips thinned, but he nodded, and walked back to the bench to get the keys to the cell as he spoke. “If you come back, have Kham talk to Runar while you’re still in flight, you don’t walk into the Keep without notice.”
“Right.”
But as he let me out of the cell, he shook his head and cursed.
“What is it?” I asked, a swell of gratitude making me emotional.
Gil looked at me sideways and scowled. “You always get the best assignments. Fucking favorite.”
I actually laughed.