32. Just Come Back
~ VOSKI ~
I was grateful that everyone had been sent out on patrol so weren’t there to witness Gil escorting me to the barracks to retrieve my things.
I felt like a criminal being ushered to my execution.
Especially when we reached the bunkroom, with my brothers’ things scattered around, and my neatly made bed that I hardly slept in.
I would have given anything to go back a few days and do this differently.
To have Grace here in the Keep, and sleep alongside my brothers as a family…
My hands shook, but I made short work of throwing my things in a bag. Then Gil and I stared at each other. But there was no point belaboring the moment. I had to leave.
He escorted me to the stables where we slipped into Grace’s loft and I gathered a small bag for her as well.
Then I harnessed Kham in his stall to avoid notice.
Gil stood in the doorway, leaning on the frame, watching.
While I harnessed, I briefed him on everything I could think of.
I even told him the truth about Grace killing Breckon’s man outside the Tavern. He took that with his usual shrug.
We moved on.
“…I know Ronen will handle the squad, but you’re going to have to be the one to watch for Bren with our other duties, because he just won’t have the access.”
“Got it. Ronen’s good. He’ll understand.”
“Tell the General I’m a little bit worried there might be a problem with that new swear-in. He’s been isolating, and that’s not usually his way. He might just be getting used to having to hide so much. But you need to keep an eye on him. I was going to raise it at the next meeting…”
Gil gave the patient nod that meant I was telling him things he already knew.
I swallowed. He was right. Even if he wouldn’t take it as seriously as I did, that was his prerogative.
I was no longer a Shadowfang. No longer entrusted.
It didn’t matter what I thought anymore.
Even knowing Donavyn was using this, that he’d paved the way to bring me back, there were no guarantees.
This might be my last moment in the Keep, which had been home for over seven years.
The only seven years of my life I cared to remember.
It felt like the floor had fallen out from under my feet.
“We’ll handle it, Vos. Don’t worry about it.”
I scoffed and turned from the harness to gape at him. “Don’t worry about it? You understand what’s happening?”
Gil nodded once. “It’s just a different mission. You’ll figure it out. You always do. And Grace is fire. You’ll probably get there and find out she’s already killed the guy and is running the place.”
I huffed. It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility.
But the mirth faded quickly. I’d seen the fear on her face of being in Breckon’s hands. Seen how desperately she fought to stay out of that dark, dusty old house even before we completed the bond.
A memory returned in a jolt, of myself, in those early days with her, so angry and consumed with my own fear that I dismissed hers. Minimized her fear of the very life she’d just been dragged back into.
I felt sick. What the hell had I done?
“…biggest problem you’re going to have is deciding whether to come back once you get her. You two, and your dragons? Free? Shit… the Creator trusted you with a mate, Vos. It boggles the mind. But it must mean you’ve done something right.”
He didn’t realize. I’d done so much wrong.
I turned back to the harness. Kham was agitated, blowing, and struggling to remain still. With my hands shaking, I struggled to get the last of the straps in their keepers.
But finally, it was done, and I grabbed the bags I’d packed, checked my knives one last time, and scanned the stable for anything I might have forgotten.
Then it was time. I turned to face Gil, and found him standing just a few feet away, his face somber.
“Is she worth it?” he asked quietly.
I nodded without hesitation. “I’m not coming back until she’s safe.
I can’t leave her in that fucker’s hands…
” A blistering heat crawled through my body as my mind conjured everything that arrogant fuck could be doing to her.
I had to push the thoughts away or I might lose my mind.
“I have to get her out.” It was the simple truth.
Gil didn’t question. “Just don’t get caught. Cover your tracks. And be smart about clean up.”
I sighed. “I’m not killing him, Gil.”
“Oh.” He frowned the way I would if someone had told me something that made no sense, but I was trying to be polite.
I gave him a pointed look. “Brother, the day we kill just to get what we want is the day we stop having any claim to honor.”
“Honor is sometimes overrated. Especially in the presence of evil pricks.”
I shook my head and almost laughed. “You know, everyone thinks that of the two of us, you’re the nice one?”
Gil smiled. “I am. You’re a stone cold bastard most of the time.”
“And you’re creepy as fuck.”
He shrugged, but his expression grew serious again. “If you aren’t going to kill him, what will you do?”
I went very still, because it felt like my ribs might shatter if I moved too fast. “I’ll get her back. Even if it means asking for help. Kham’s been telling me to do it for years,” I said cryptically. Because even Gil didn’t know.
Gil tilted his head like a curious dog. “Seriously? You’re going to leave on that? What’s the story?”
For the first time, I wished I’d told him about my past. Wished I could put this in front of him and see if he had ideas.
He was a sneaky fucker—in different ways than me.
I wished we had time. I wished I’d trusted him earlier.
That I could have his advice on how to handle this.
He would have protected these secrets, just like he had with everything else.
But now it was too late. And besides, I didn’t want him embroiled in my steaming cesspit of a life.
He needs to be able to deny knowledge just as much as Donavyn and Ronen. He’s a leader, too.
“How about a deal?” I said after a moment.
“A wager?”
“No, a deal. I suspect that the man Grace killed was either a criminal Breckon hired, or an actual spy of Fyrehold. Either way, he’s close to something dirty.
You find whatever is needed to uncover that he deserved death.
And you make certain no one knows it was Grace’s hand on that blade.
Ever. Then you find me, and tell me everything you learned. ”
Gil nods. “Done. And you?”
“I’m going to save my mate. And pray that I can bring her back here. And that you haven’t stolen my rank before I do.”
He huffed. “Even with the murder, they’ll all want you back. You know they will. Donavyn will discipline you for the false orders, but he’ll let it go.”
“And Ronen?” We both knew Ronen was a good man, and as steady as they come. But he’d never been inducted into Shadowfang because he was good in very black and white ways. He struggled with deception in any circumstance.
Gil’s lips thinned. “I’ll talk to Ronen. Leave him to me.”
I blew out a breath. “Thank you, brother.”
Gil nodded and stepped forward. I offered a hand to clasp, but he grabbed it and pulled me into a hug.
I was startled, but nodded and thumped his back.
A few seconds later, I shivered when he didn’t release me.
“I’ll see you when you get back,” Gil muttered in my ear, still holding me into the hug.
“I hope so.”
“I’ll bet you five gold coins you do. Payable the day you arrive, so get out there and hustle while you’re gone.”
I huffed. “Sure. And… thanks, bro. For everything. All these years.”
“Thank me by coming back.”
I nodded, but my skin was beginning to crawl. “Gil?”
“Yeah?”
“You aren’t going to try and kiss me, are you?”
Gil scoffed and finally released me, clapping my back extra hard a couple of times before he stepped back. We both found a reason to look elsewhere for a moment.
The dust was bad in the stables today.
My skin was starting to feel tight. I had to get out of here.
I wasn’t worried about the time needed to catch up to a horse and carriage.
Even with half a day’s lead on us, Kham flew far faster than horses could run.
But who knew what it might take to actually get her back?
I couldn’t use my Furyknight resources. And the options that remained were harrowing. I needed to go.
“See you soon then,” Gil said, scratching the back of his neck.
I nodded and threw my bag over my shoulder as I started out of the stable with Kham, who walked quickly, steam and vapor pouring from his nostrils on the exhale.
“Just pray Donavyn lets me swear in again.”
“He will. You know he will. This is a mission under orders, just as surely as any other. There’s just some pageantry.”
“Yeah.” But fear liked to spread cold fingers on the back of my neck at all the ways this could go desperately wrong in the future.
When we reached the intersection of aisles, Gil reached out and gripped my shoulder, meeting my eyes, his a little red. “Come back, bro. Even if you have to kill the fucker to do it. Just leave your options open. Right?”
I nodded, then he looked away. “Runar’s calling for me. I trust you to get your ass out of here. But if anyone ever asks, I watched you leave, then ran away to important duties.”
“Got it.”
There were no more words. We nodded to each other. I swallowed, and Gil’s jaw went tight. Then he clapped my back before trotting off to the other exit, while I walked out quickly with Kham to the launch hollow, and mounted.
Before we took off, as I settled myself and prepared to fly, I took a moment to look around.
The stable. The officers’ apartments. The barracks. The academy buildings behind them all. Men in leathers, going about their business. Stableboys grumbling, but smiling every time they looked at a dragon. The woods. The castle watching over it all…
This was my life. I’d spent countless hours flying in and out of this place, and I’d never just sat here and looked at it, I realized.
Kham danced and shook his head.
There was no need to speak. I patted his neck, gripped the straps, and prayed that this wouldn’t be my last sight of the Keep. Of home.
Then we were flying, right into that ache in my chest that was her.