33. On the Wind
~ VOSKI ~
At first, we flew silently. Both of us reaching for our mates. I knew they were many hours ahead of us, but the light was already fading, which meant they’d stop and rest the horses soon. I expected that we’d catch up quickly. I kept reaching for her. Stretching. Yearning. But… nothing.
An hour in, I told myself it was too early. But I was nervous that we hadn’t even gained enough ground for me to feel Grace in detail. I could sense her, the rough direction in which she lay. A simmer of unease, that meant fear or anger must be very strong. But nothing concrete.
I couldn’t reach her mind. Couldn’t assess her wellbeing. Nothing.
Kham flew like a well-fletched arrow, without wavering.
Yet, nearly two hours in, there was still no noticeable gain. We should have drawn closer with every passing hour. Even if they’d changed carriages to fresh horses and not stopped, we could travel several times faster.
How was it that I didn’t sense her drawing nearer, even by a hair? I needed to know if she was safe. Or hurt. Or…
In my mind’s eye, images of Breckon’s hand gripping her arm morphed into imagined grips on her neck—or other parts of her body. I swore. I had to push thoughts of that bastard away.
Maybe I would just kill him.
Kham rumbled disapproval at that thought.
I eyed him. ‘You can’t tell me you approve of his behavior.’
‘Certainly not,’ Kham returned darkly. ‘Which is why we have left our herd, and our duties, to go in search. We will not swerve from that path. But you of all know the weight of murder, even in self-defense.’
The thought came that she was worth that weight—but my instincts jangled.
Any time death seemed like the only answer, I’d learned to question it.
Gil was quick to jump to that solution, but I knew I had to look at the situation from many angles before drawing that conclusion.
Murder didn’t just harm the blade-wielder.
In any battle or assassination, unintended consequences could spiral out of control.
Not the least of which, when a person was dead, they could no longer speak what they knew.
And, if my instincts on that thief in the alley and his connection to Breckon were right, this story ran deeper than simply bringing a woman back to soothe a man’s pride. In fact, it ran deeper than Grace and me.
And that thought turned my mind to the questions—and solution—that had been simmering in the back of my head. And how quickly our options were narrowing to a single course. The course I’d always sworn I’d never take.
Kham rumbled and shook his head, resisting the dark thoughts that crowded my mind.
I felt sick, mentally scrambling for something else to cling to. ‘I think I bought her some time with the bastard baby idea.’ My nerves and agitation bubbled up. ‘But what if this fucker doesn’t wait anyway? What if he punishes her—’
‘Voski, we have a great mission ahead of us, and our mates need us at our best. Do not torment yourself with the unknown. I pray she is safe. You should, as well.’
‘She would already be safe if she’d been allowed to stay with us.’
‘The shadow on your heart weighs heavily.’
I sighed. ‘Just fly, Kham. Fly as fast as you can. I need to see her, to reassure us both. I don’t understand how we haven’t reached them yet. Surely Koa is within range for you now?’
‘I can sense my mate, but she remains out of range for the link. She must still be flying away from us. Perhaps our noble is on dragonback?’
I jolted. ‘How could he be? He’s not a Furyknight. Fyrehold had so few dragons. Surely their king wouldn’t have sent Furyknights here, just for Grace? And if he did, why bring the horses?’
We tossed ideas back and forth, but Kham was convinced they had to be flying. That we would have caught up with horses by now.
Then I had a bolt of inspiration. ‘Maybe she escaped? Maybe Grace broke free and is riding her?’
But Kham shook his head wearily. ‘My mate would not fly away if they were free. She must be in pursuit of her Chosen. There’s no other explanation.’
I wanted to be angry at him for stifling my momentary hope, but I knew that wasn’t fair. So I remained quiet, thinking desperately, scrambling for any explanation other than the one that seemed inevitable.
As night descended in truth, and we were still flying, still unable to reach our mates, as my anxiety climbed higher, Kham broke into my thoughts.
‘I heard what you told Gil. I assume your goal is—’
‘I thought I’d have her already,’ I growled. ‘I thought I’d steal her away and hide her from this prick. But, Kham, I fear we may be tangled in something much deeper than I thought.’
Kham sighed, and a thrust of comfort—the kind that urged me to speak—washed from him in the link.
‘I see your thoughts,’ he said grimly. ‘I do not know.’
I nodded. I’d figured if he had more to add to this picture, he would have told me already. But I turned the events back over in my mind, just in case my thoughts would trigger something for him.
The queen had forced me to face an uncomfortable truth: It was rather convenient that I’d been sent into Fyrehold at the precise time Grace was there.
And her dragon Chose her, and found Kham.
It had been fortuitous for our enemies that I’d been armed with information about the plot against Donavyn just at the time he’d been forced to leave—and I would soon be forced to follow.
It was startlingly coincidental that the one time Grace slipped into the dark streets of the city, she was under the eyes of a spy—and I was the one who followed her. Able to get her out without alerting anyone, to help her overcome the shock and self-loathing.
Her mate.
And that all of this occurred just in time for Breckon to arrive and steal her away, once more.
I was called Goldfinger because everyone believed I was gifted in making plans work out.
But Kham and I knew the truth: God positioned me. He always had.
When several coincidences lined up in this way, they weren’t coincidences at all.
All of this had started with the betrayal of Vosgaardian spies and traitors, working with men of other nations to build an army to overthrow our nation. Without that scheme, and my work, Grace and I would never have met.
But I knew my mate, and saw her heart. She wasn’t a part of that evil. She didn’t walk shadows to harm. She slipped through darkness to shine light into it.
There was a niggle in the back of my mind, something about the night I helped Donavyn uncover that dark plan that crossed kingdoms. But so much had happened, I hadn’t taken the time to examine it.
It wasn’t until the queen’s suspicion that I was reminded.
Taking a deep breath, I laid the pieces out in my mind, and couldn’t deny that the one conclusion I deeply wished were not true, seemed the most likely.
There was one more coincidence that none of the others knew.
One more spoke in this wheel that pointed straight at me, back through my life, to the darkest days of my existence.
It was far more malodorous than a pompous nobleman feeding his own pride.
And if my instincts were right—they always were, when they didn’t fail me—then God had put me here for a reason.
Because I was the only one who’d see all the pieces.
Shit.
Kham sent a rush of reassurance in the bond, but I felt his unease as well. The prickle of unspoken words he knew would upset me, that he was waiting for the right time to speak.
I swallowed hard, because I knew what he wanted to say. ‘Will we really get there first. Before… before we find Grace and Koa?’
‘At this point… Yes.’
My body went cold. And I wrestled.
I’d thrown the suggestion out to Gil half-flippantly. Scared that it would be necessary. But still hoping I’d find a way to avoid it.
Now, if we went much further without finding Koa, I had to accept that this was my only choice.
That I had a purpose. And that it required doing the one thing Kham had always encouraged me to do—and that I’d always flatly refused.
Even if I’d been willing to do it for Grace, I’d thought I wouldn’t have to do it alone. I thought I’d be buoyed by catching her, spiriting her away, then hiding her from that cuntcake until the danger had passed, or Gil found out the dirty truth about Breckon so I could justify flying her home.
I’d thought she’d be with me. That we’d face it together. And that had seemed bearable in the brief moments when the plan became clear.
‘You’re certain we’ll reach it before we reach Koa, and Grace?’
‘We must. I still can’t reach Koa’s mind. It seems likely that as soon as we stop, we’ll draw further behind.’
‘Keep trying,’ I sent stubbornly.
‘Voski, you must prepare yourself—’
‘Keep trying. Please.’
But there was no change. The anxiety twisted my guts and stole my appetite, but I knew Kham needed to rest. And I should try, though I’d never felt less like sleep in my life.
Yet, I continued to fight the growing conviction that I knew precisely where this all ended.
The only possible way they remained ahead of us after this many hours, was if they too were flying. And if they could fly, how long would they travel before they rested? How long would they stop? Would they be changing dragons, flying fresh at each leg? Was it only to get them out of Vosgaarde?
That seemed unlikely. But then, so did a Fyrehold noble with access to dragons in Vosgaarde.
‘Just breathe.’
‘How can you say that? They’re staying out of our reach! Anything could happen, and we won’t know!’
‘Voski, it wounds me also, that we aren’t reunited quickly. But, there is no despair. We will find them. Even if they fly ahead of us all the way to Fyrehold, finding them once they stop is inevitable. That is not the part that you fear.’
He was right, of course. He usually was. Yet, I recoiled. Every drop in my veins wanted to flee at the unspoken thought. But I could see no other course.
And so, I gave it to him.
‘I have to ask for help.’
Kham gave a high scream. ‘Are you certain?’
‘Of course, I’m certain,’ I mumbled through the link. ‘Certain that, barring killing him myself, I have no other choice.’
Kham fed compassion through the bond—he knew how hard this was for me—but I pushed it away. I couldn’t let myself be sucked into that quicksand.
‘You wanted me to confront my past, right?’ I asked bitterly.
He crooned. ‘Yes. But not without preparation. Or warning. Not without—’
‘It looks like God agrees with you. And the time, apparently, is now.’
Kham didn’t respond for a time, flying on for a moment, then a deep, resonant rumble began in his chest.
‘I’m here, Voski. I’m with you. I will not leave you.’
‘I know.’ For the second time that day I had to swallow a pinch in my throat. ‘I don’t deserve you,’ I told him sincerely. ‘Your patience. Your faithfulness even when I’m losing my mind and causing more problems than I solve. How do you put up with me? How do you stick?’
Kham rumbled warmly. ‘It’s quite simple. I’m the good one.’
‘I’m sorry… what?’
My dragon huffed and turned his head to meet my eye as he flew. ‘The only way to prove how good I am, is to let the world see what I put up with. In contrast with you, I shine.’
I gaped at him. ‘I can’t believe you’re taunting me right now!’
‘I really thought you learned faster than this, but clearly this is why we’ve been bonded. Perhaps before you die, you’ll stop being surprised.’
I couldn’t help it. I laughed.
But it died, cold and cloying in my throat a moment later.
‘Kham, I don’t know if I can do this.’
‘I do,’ he sent firmly. ‘And remember: You’re never alone. You will never face that place, or those people alone, ever again.’