57. Insanity
~ GRACE ~
I woke with a jolt when a hand rested on my leg, over the covers. I sucked in to scream, reaching for the blade I’d slipped inside my pillowcase—only to realize the calloused palm over my mouth, and the gentle touch on my calf was Voski’s.
Voski. In my room.
I went still, but my heart thundered. ‘What are you doing here? How did you get in here?’
‘I came through his rooms.’
I almost bit down on his hand. ‘Has your mind been pickled?!’
‘It was needed, Grace. Truly needed. We have to talk.’
I pushed up to sit as he sank onto the bed next to me, one hand still on my leg, his eyes glittering in the dark.
He moved like a snake so even the bed seemed to barely shift with his weight.
My breath caught as I reached for him, my heart rushing with need—but even though he gathered me up and curled himself around me, holding me tightly, there was a stiffness to him.
And his trembling didn’t seem born of desire, as much as fear.
Something, deep in his chest, was cold. Unmoving. An injured animal afraid to shift for the pain it might cause.
‘Voski, what’s going on?’
He sighed and eased back, sitting up again, letting me go, and taking my hands, so we faced each other. When he didn’t speak immediately, fear jangled through my chest.
‘Tell me! What’s wrong?’
His chin dropped and he glanced back over his shoulder. He’d levered a chair under the doorknob, I realized. How had he done that without waking me?!
‘We have to get out of here. Tonight.’
My breath left me in a huff. ‘I know it was hard to say goodbye tonight, but if I run, he’ll just pursue us—and with the king’s favor. I have a plan—’
‘No, Grace. Hear me: We have to leave. Tonight. You have to be removed from these people. They’re so much darker than even I anticipated.’
Our eyes locked and his were dark with worry and something I couldn’t identify. ‘What did you learn? What’s happened?’
He grimaced. ‘Breckon isn’t just a pompous ass. And the king isn’t being his friend. They both want you, Grace. And they both plan to use you.’
My head jerked back. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean we need to get you out, and figure out how to avoid them later. There’s no more time.’
‘We can’t—I have to marry him!’
His head snapped back and fear lit in his eyes. ‘Why would you speak such ugly words?’
‘Because he’s going to ruin my parents—not just ruin them. Make them suffer. Hurt them to hurt me. He warned me if I run, he’ll know and he’ll make me watch him destroy them. Then he’ll come for me—’
‘Grace, you can’t listen to that—’
‘I’m their only child! Unless I marry well and bring enough money to carry them for a generation, they’ll be in debtor’s prison within a year—’
‘Debtor’s prison is nothing to these people, Grace. I know it’s hard to watch people you love be hurt, but you aren’t responsible for the fact that they chose a Cruormancer to marry you!’
I went still. ‘They… what?’
Voski exhaled heavily. ‘Have your parents ever mentioned, or have you heard reference to, or seen—God, I hope you haven’t seen—the… the Cruor Rites?”
An uneasy churning began in my stomach. ‘I haven’t. I mean, I’ve heard whispers, but it’s just an old fable—’
He shook his head. ‘No, Grace. It’s not.
There are many people for whom this is real.
’ His grip on my hands tightened like he thought I might pull away.
‘The king, Breckon, and people I know—people I knew before Kham—they live by this. They seed power through it. And some use rituals to impart power. To themselves and their children. They believe there’s power in bloodlines and—’
I jerked back, not because of his words, but because the moment he’d said them, something like a silent scream cut through him, vibrating in the bond and stealing my breath.
He dropped my hands and shoved himself off the bed, away from me, eyes wide, hands clawing into his hair.
‘Voski… what was that?’
He swallowed audibly. ‘I’m not supposed to talk about it. It’s painful.’
I threw the quilts back and slipped out of bed to go to him, but he backed away when I reached for him, and I stopped.
Something roiled within him. Something terrifying and cold and— ‘Tell me!’ I sent desperately. ‘What’s happening? Why do you feel so hurt? What did you find out tonight?’
He stared at me, frozen, for so long, that I almost took a step toward him again. He seemed so pale, even in the dark. My heart swelled, and I reached for him through the bond, because his face… his expression, and the emotions coursing through him…
I didn’t understand, but I was suddenly desperately sad, desperately afraid, and so, so worried.
‘Voski—’
‘My mother is a Cruormancer. A powerful one,’ he whispered, even in the bond.
‘The most powerful one. It’s not a fable, Grace.
It’s real. And it’s dark. So dark. She’s always been able to manipulate people, and change their minds and…
but that doesn’t matter. What matters is, she’s here.
I brought her here because I thought—well, it doesn’t matter what I thought.
Because I was wrong. Tonight I found out that she’s not just manipulating.
Breckon and the king both listen to her.
They’re practicers, as well. They don’t just believe these things.
They do them. And all of them—including my mother—believe that you will bear powerful children. Very, very powerful.’
I recoiled. ‘I’d never use spells, or—’
‘You wouldn’t have to. They believe your blood carries power. And they want to breed you, because they can raise your child to be one of them. And that child will be strong. Extremely strong.’
My head spun. I almost laughed. It sounded so impossible. But Voski stared at me, not a hint of mirth, or wicked mischief. Not even the gleam that might make me think he was lying.
He believed this.
I swallowed and whispered aloud because this all seemed so unreal. “How can you be sure they’re—”
“Because I heard them talking about you. And because my mother’s helping.”
“Helping what?”
His face pinched for a moment, then cleared. “She believes you’re carrying my baby,” he whispered. “And she’s willing to help because I was born in this line, Grace. I’m one of them. Any child I have will be powerful in ways that could shift kingdoms.”
“Wh-what?”
I felt the fear in him, a surge—rejection, abandonment, loss. He was terrified. I took a step, reaching for him. But he rushed forward, pulling me to him, cupping my face, peering down at me, his eyes wide.
He was trembling.
“Voski, what’s happening?”
His forehead crumpled and he cursed, but he didn’t let me go.
“I know it sounds crazy, but ask the dragons. It’s real.
It’s true. It’s where I came from. I never wanted it, Grace, I swear.
I didn’t understand. When I was young, when this started, I thought it was normal.
I thought everyone did this. I didn’t know.
She kept me apart. I only met other children who—”
“Voski, slow down. I don’t understand.”
“—were a part of their circle, and I was treated like a prince. I didn’t know!”
“Voski, breathe.”
“It took years to understand, and then I almost… I was willing to… to remove myself when I finally understood. You can ask Kham, he’s seen it all in my mind. He’s never judged me. He knew I didn’t understand what I was doing and the moment I did, I stopped—I swear, Grace!”
“I believe you!” I hushed, gripping his wrists, trying to break through because his eyes were so wide, I wasn’t even sure he saw me. His hands trembled on my face, but gripped, so hard. “I believe you!”
“God, I can’t do this again. Not with you,” he hissed and released me, turning on his heel, clawing a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth at the end of the bed.
“Do what?”
“After I decided to live, I swore I’d never come back.
But when he took you. I thought he was merely political.
She has influence. I knew she’d know how to get you back.
She interferes with all kinds of schemes that have nothing to do with magik.
I thought she’d help me if she believed we had a child.
She’d never kill me because she wants my power.
But I never imagined… I didn’t think you were a part of this. ”
“I’m not!” I clapped a hand over my mouth as he froze and whirled to face me. ‘I’m not. I don’t know what you’re talking about. This sounds impossible.’
‘You’ve heard of it.’
‘Yes, but no one actually—’
‘Yes, Grace. They do.’ His expression became intense and he took a step closer.
‘You have to understand that if you’re going to survive this.
These people are real. And they fear nothing except each other.
They will kill, steal, or destroy anything, or anyone they believe can empower them—or stop them. ’
‘And they want you?!’
He winced. ‘They did. Most of them believe I’m dead now, but tonight I found out they want you.’
‘But why?!’
He exhaled heavily, and his eyes became so sad.
‘Because you’re part of the blood. One of us.
Obviously an ancient line. I don’t know if your parents know it, Grace, but the Cruor’s of the highest worldly power were in that room, and they talked about your bloodline as a fact.
They want you. Breckon wants you as a wife and mother.
The king wants you as a broodmare. And my mother… ’
He trailed off and something twisted in my guts when his eyes darted away.
‘What? What is she doing?’ I insisted, stepping toward him.
He backed away, but his eyes were sad and pleading.
‘My mother wants you to carry on her line. With me. She’ll defeat the others—she always wins, that’s why they listen to her—but now?
Now, I realize she was never ignorant. She knew.
I don’t know if she saw it coming, or just understood once I went to her, but it’s clear, Grace: She believes you’ll have my child, and that child will be powerful.
She believes in the legacy of blood. It’s been her goal all along: To carry on the family line with children more powerful than her, producing grandchildren more powerful still. ’
I gaped at him. ‘How many children does she have?’
His brow furrowed. ‘Just one. Few of them can reproduce, and the ones that do have only one. They can’t seem to have more.
That’s God’s retribution, I suppose. At least, that’s what I thought.
Tonight I learned they’ve found a way around that.
They think if different Cruor fathers have children with you, all the children will be powerful firstborns of the old blood—’ He cut off, and looked like he might be sick, turning from me, gulping.
My heart broke for him—the fear, the vulnerability. I could feel it in him. He fought to keep himself upright, to keep his face blank. But inside, he was shattering.
I shook my head. ‘No, Voski.’
‘Yes, Grace. This is true—’
‘That’s not what I meant: You’re not one of these cruor people.’
His jaw went tight. ‘I am. Born of the bloodline and consecrated as a child—’
‘Do you do this?’ I strode up to his toes, even when he backed away, I kept coming, pressing a hand to his chest. ‘Tell me. Do you do these rituals and—’
‘No! Of course not! Not since I understood—’
‘Do you want to see your children using this awful power?’
‘No!’ He stopped hard, looming over me, his brows pinching over his nose.
‘No! But that’s what you don’t understand: I carry it, whether I use it or not.
It’s a part of me. And I was raised in it.
I used it before. It is alive in me! It’s why I swore I’d never have children, because I refuse to bring any child into the world carrying this, whether they know it or not! ’
Instinctively, I clapped both hands to my stomach, freezing in place.
His expression sank from angry, to sad. “Grace, please… forgive me for not telling you sooner. I planned to. I was going to explain, but I never imagined it would be relevant. I’ve never told anyone except Kham, but I wanted to tell you.
There’s more. There’s so much more. And I’ll tell you all of it.
I swear. But we can’t risk waiting. I know these people and what they do.
I will not leave you in their hands—if you marry him, you’re bound.
And apparently, he’s got an agreement in place with the king to share you.
I won’t do it, Grace. I won’t let them have you!
” he snarled. “Not for this, not for anything. What they do would destroy your soul. I’d kill you myself, first! It would show more mercy!”