58. Surrendered
~ GRACE ~
A great many things suddenly made sense. Why Voski was often so dark. Why his anger overtook him. Why he feared the loss of control. If these people were the sort to use a woman for breeding, what must they have done to a child?
I wanted to ask, but Voski was clearly hanging by a thread.
This is why he believed he’d hurt me.
This is why he didn’t want children.
This is why he feared the bond.
“The bond,” I breathed, then looked up at him again. “This is why you didn’t want it?”
The muscles at the corner of his jaw flexed. “Grace, listen to me: Bloodline power doesn’t require consent. Do you understand? They can use you.”
“I understand.”
“Then you must see—”
“Just let me think!”
His jaw dropped. “What is there to think about? We have to get out of here! Now!”
“If we leave, they only pursue me. I only become prey to their plans—you said yourself!”
“So, we will leave, and when they come for you, I’ll kill them! But we can’t—”
“We have to find a way to turn this against them. To free me from it. What if we tell them I’m already pregnant by you? Then they’ll think—”
He shook his head, hands flying up as if he’d surrender, stepping back.
“No, no, Grace. My mother already half-believes that. If she has it confirmed, she will hunt you to the ends of the earth. She believes my children will be the most powerful the world has ever seen. She would bring every resource at her disposal—Burk isn’t the only king she dangles in her web! ”
I turned away, head whirling, swallowing hard. The world spun. So much to understand. So many answers—yet they raised so many more questions.
“Grace, listen to me!”
“I’m trying to see the whole picture,” I breathed. “They believe if I have a baby that it will be powerful—I understand that. But why is your child a greater risk? And two different men? Why marry me off if they both want to do this?”
He stiffened again, and the expression on his face chilled my blood. He looked horrified and terrified, and as if everything within him raged.
And suddenly, the bond shut down. That cord that tied our hearts, went silent. The channel between us hollowed, darkened. It didn’t leave my heart, but the sense of him, the unity—
‘Your mate hides himself,’ Koa interjected. I blinked in shock. I still forgot she could see and hear most of what I did, if she was paying attention. I’d grown so used to the sense of her close, I forgot she lived at my side.
‘What do you mean? What’s he hiding? Is he dark, Koa? Is he lying about—’
‘No. No, no. The mate… he is…’ I felt her frustration and tried not to push. Knew she would find the words. ‘Kham says it is blocking. He blocks himself from you.’
‘He’s blocking the bond?’ My eyes went wide, and Voski pleaded with me silently, but Koa chittered again.
‘His heart does not leave yours. Your souls braid, still. He is…’
“What are you trying not to tell me? After all this, Voski. What would you possibly want to hide from me?”
His face crumpled and he shook his head. ‘I don’t want to scare you.’
‘I am more frightened by the unknown, than the villain I can see clearly. Especially in the dark. Tell me.’
He raked a hand through his hair. ‘They believe if you speak vows to Breckon, it will ignite the fire of your power. A spark. Wake something dormant. They need you committed. That is what ignites the Cruor blood. You are innocent. Ignorant of the old ways. The most precious kind of pure.’
I flinched. ‘Not anymore—but you’re worth more than my virginity—’
‘That’s not the purity I meant. The… the vows.
You are… untethered. And that means the one you vow to will make your blood come alive.
And if they can make you offer that vow without awareness that’s what you’re doing, if they can trick you into it, the power is even greater. At least, that’s what they believe.’
I swallowed. ‘Do you think it’s real?’
His face grew haggard. ‘I have wished to believe that the things my Mother does aren’t real since I was a child.
But I cannot deny, her spells move the course of people’s lives.
Change their minds. Her power… there is something in it.
All of it. That is why kings have her in their quarters, and powerful, wealthy nobles listen to her advice.
Because they’ve seen the proof of it, too. ’
I dropped my face into my hands, shaking my head.
Dear God. Rituals… old blood… Cruormancers… ignorant vows, sparking magic—
I blinked, and snapped my head up to look at him. Voski was miserable, but poised. Ready for action. “Then we have to do it!” I hissed.
He frowned. “What?”
“The vows, these vows you’re talking about—you have to ignite the spark in me—”
‘Abso-fucking-lutely not!’ He tore toward me, crossing the space between us in a blink, his eyes alight with rage. ‘You never speak a Cruor’s vow, Grace. Never! Do not dirty your soul with that putrid shit and tie yourself to one of them—’
I put my hands up to soothe him. ‘I didn’t mean—’
But he kept coming, descending on me, fear and anger boiling his blood. ‘You give me your word, you will never even consider it!’
‘Of course not—not in truth! I only meant—’
‘This isn’t a game, Grace! It’s not an adventure.
These people rule. They take lives. And they’ll take yours—and I don’t mean in death.
I mean they will take you. You never breathe a word any of them tells you to speak!
’ He loomed over me, my upper arms in his grip, his eyes somehow showing whites while he snarled. ‘Promise me!’
‘I promise! That isn’t what I meant! I only meant you—Voski!
I only meant that you’re my One. My only one.
I would give you my vow! Every one—all my pieces!
My heart, my womb, everything—I give it to you, not them!
’ I pressed both hands to his chest to stop him advancing—but the moment I touched him, something crackled.
An electric snap that zipped through my palms, into my veins, straight to my heart, so it stopped beating… then raced forward with painful speed.
I gasped, and in the same blink, Voski’s grip on my arms tightening convulsively, and a small, broken cry tore from his throat. His eyes went round behind the black tines of his hair that had fallen over them as he shuddered and shook.
His knees gave, and he tumbled forward, throwing his arms around me.
“Voski!” I caught his weight, staggering, clawing at him—for a moment convinced his heart had given out, or I’d done something to hurt him.
But, as he pitched forward, his face landed against my neck, burrowed under my jaw. He threw his arms around me, his fingers clawing into the back of my neck, my shoulders, and his chest convulsed.
We almost fell together as he stumbled—but then he inhaled deeply, sharply, caught his own weight, and clung.
And as he clung, he began to shake.
A chill, like cold hands on the back of my neck, shuddered through me.
“Voski, what’s—”
“Wh-who t-told you?” he hissed, dropping to his knees, hands still clawing at me as if he tried to cling, but didn’t have the strength.
“Told me what? What’s happening?!”
“The v-vow… did he tell you? Did she?!”
A darkness entered his gaze that I hadn’t seen since those first days of the bond. Since his outbursts of anger and accusation, that I’d once found so confusing. But now, I thought I was beginning to understand the source of his mistrust and fear. But a vow?
“What vow?” I breathed, reaching for his face and holding up his chin as he twitched, and his eyes darted wildly, searching mine, back and forth.
“You j-just surrendered. You offered all of it. G-grace… you gave me your womb. Who t-told you about the Cruor’s b-binding?”
“No one!” I was confused. “That wasn’t a spell, Voski.
I just spoke the truth. I told you, I give myself to you willingly.
Everything. I’m telling you, you don’t have to worry about another vow—I’ll never vow myself to another.
I’m yours. And I meant it, Voski. Please, stand up. Don’t be afraid. That wasn’t a—”
His breath stopped, and he flinched, like I’d punched him.
“Voski!” I gasped, reaching for him—but his hand shot out and caught mine, and I froze, watching, as his eyes first widened, then closed. He coughed, and mouthed something. I wanted to weep at the fear in his eyes—as if he thought he were dying. But his grip never weakened
“What is happening?” I sobbed. “Please—talk to me!”
He made a strange, hollow sound in his chest, and his lips peeled back from his teeth. His breath rushed out of him, but hissed because his jaw was clenched.
He grabbed for me, his hand clawing to the back of my head and pulling me down, down, until I dropped to my knees as well—grabbing for him, trying to make him see me, because his eyes were glazed, and hooded.
“Voski… Voski!” ‘Koa, what is happening? I don’t understand!’
My dragon chittered and shrieked, then a barrage of images overwhelmed even my sight of my tortured mate—Voski, Kham, me, and Koa.
A kiss. A baby in a swaddle. Dark shadows, then sunlight in a room.
First one, then the other, around and around, faster and faster, as if the sunlight chased the dark whenever it appeared.
I blinked out of the vision, gasping for air, and found myself on my knees, pressed tightly to Voski as he huffed and panted, his chest heaving under my cheek. I threw my arms around him and clung on.
‘What’s happening to you? What’s wrong?’
‘The vow.’
‘There was no vow!’
‘Your words… Grace… you vowed to me. You gave me the Cruor’s vow.’
I sucked in a breath and tried to push out of his arms, to meet his eyes, to reassure him, but he wouldn’t let me move. ‘I didn’t! Voski, I don’t know that vow and I never—’
‘You gave it in ignorance. You gave it willingly… you surrendered. Grace, the old blood is awake in you. And in me. We’re… We’re tied, now.’
I frowned. He’d curled his head down, his chin resting atop my head, his arms holding me to his chest, though he panted like he’d been sprinting.
“We’re already bonded, Voski,” I whispered, pressing my arm up to reach his jaw, to cup his cheek. “It’s not magic. It’s the dragonbond… from the Creator.”
He nodded, small, tiny twitches. ‘We were. We are,’ he corrected himself, and finally loosened his grip on me so I could straighten, and look him in the eye.
I cupped his face, meeting his eyes, pleading with him to look at me. To see me. To know I wasn’t doing magic or giving vows. I was just his.
But when our eyes locked, I froze.
There were tears in his. Yet he gave a small smile, through the torment on his face, the pinch of pain… his lips curled up at the corners.
“Voski—”
‘We have to do it now, Grace,’ he whispered in my mind.
“Do what?”
He swallowed, and stroked my cheek. ‘We have to face them. Beat them. Or die trying. Because your blood is alight. Whether you meant it or not, the vow took. Mother will see it the moment she lays eyes on you. And I won’t let her have you.
’ His fingers curled into my cheek, his nails digging into my skin, almost to the point of pain. ‘She won’t win, Grace. She can’t.’
I took his hands from my face and gripped them, staring into his eyes that were slightly wild. “Just breathe,” I whispered. “I don’t know what’s happening, but, just breathe.”
He nodded, gripping my hands so tightly, my knuckles pinched. “I can feel you, Grace. I think… I think I know,” he whispered.
“You know what?”
“I think I know what’s happening. And how to fix this.”
“What is it?” His odd tone and strange eyes were alarming.
That little smile faltered as he lifted my hands, tore his gaze from mine to look down, right at my stomach. “Grace, is there any chance… are you pregnant?”
I went very, very still.