Chapter Twenty-Five
‘How’s Jude?’ said Grace, when Rosie opened her front door a few days later.
‘Good. Shoulder’s not so sore. He’s out with Robin tonight.
’ She examined her mother’s face. ‘He looks a damn sight better than you do right now, to be honest. Are you sure that was a falling book? Looks more like you’ve been punched in the face.
Who was it? Want me to get ’em for ya?’ She jabbed her fists.
‘Thanks, but it really was a book. And it’s good to know I can always rely on you for a confidence boost and the offer of violent retaliation.’
‘I’ve got your back, Mike Tyson.’ Rosie gave her a hug, then turned and went up the stairs past the piles of clean laundry and stacks of post.
Grace watched her bottom ascend, sorry she wouldn’t be seeing her grandson. She could do with one of his enormous hugs. ‘Did you know your dad had ADHD?’ Grace kicked off her shoes and followed. She found Rosie filling the kettle at the sink.
‘We’re not doing small talk, then?’
‘Did you?’
‘I knew it was likely. Jude and I didn’t get our weird quirks from nowhere, but when I asked, he said he wasn’t interested in getting a diagnosis.’
‘You are not weird.’ Grace couldn’t help herself. ‘And where was I when this discussion was going on?’
Rosie reached into the cupboard for two mugs. ‘How should I know? I just thought you’d presume it came down Dad’s side, like I did.’
‘I didn’t even know it was hereditary until I looked it up,’ Grace said, falling into a dining chair. ‘Nobody told me.’
‘Bless.’ Rosie pulled Grace’s head into her stomach and patted the top of her skull like she would a small child. ‘Did nobody tell you you lived in a madhouse.’
‘Stop it.’ She pulled away and peered up at her daughter. ‘I’m being serious. I can’t believe I didn’t know my husband and daughter had a mental health condition. I feel like I should have taken better care of you.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Rosie shook her head.
‘You took excellent care of both of us, even when I didn’t want it.
’ She winked at her mother. ‘To be honest, I kept telling myself that I didn’t have it, and now I’m trying to get my head around the fact that I might.
’ She paused. ‘Or that I definitely do. By the way, ADHD isn’t strictly a mental health condition.
’ Rosie went back to making the tea. ‘And you did know Dad had one of those, anyway.’
Did she? There was so much to learn and she was finding it hard to keep up. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Surely you knew he had anxiety.’
‘I knew he was sensitive and he over-thought things. He was just a worrier.’
Rosie glanced over her shoulder at Grace, her brow furrowed. ‘What do you think anxiety is?’
Grace blinked. Rosie had a point. ‘He didn’t take medication for it or anything, so …’
‘If you don’t take painkillers, do you not have a headache?
’ She brought the mugs over and sat opposite Grace.
‘You seem to think you’ve been excluded from these big conversations that took place, but you weren’t.
Dad and I talked about how to help Jude and yes, part of that conversation was whether he and I also had ADHD, but since neither of us wanted to do anything about it, we moved on and focused on Jude.
I suppose I presumed you’d been in the room when we discussed it.
It certainly wasn’t something I intentionally withheld. ’
‘Well, your dad did.’ Grace sipped her tea, looking over her mug at Rosie whose eyes were so like Frank’s it was painful. ‘He said in his journal that I was dismissive when he mentioned it once.’
‘I’m sure I was the same when he first suggested Jude might have it. I bet a lot of people would respond like that before they know what it really entails. Did he say that’s why he didn’t talk about it with you?’
‘He said he didn’t want to worry me.’
‘Well, if that was his motivation, I don’t think it’s a bad one, do you?’
The door slammed downstairs. A deep voice called, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home,’ in a saccharine American accent.
‘Hello!’ Rosie called back. ‘My mother’s here, so don’t do your usual happy to be home striptease on your way up the stairs.’
‘She might like it,’ said the voice. ‘What do you think, Grace?’
Grace raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Fully dressed is my preference, if that’s okay, Paz.’
‘Spoilsport.’ A clunking sound followed, then Paz appeared in the doorway, a small case at his feet.
Grace grinned at her lovely son-in-law. ‘Good trip?’
‘Long.’ He crossed the room and kissed Rosie, who stared up at her husband with adoration.
Grace and Frank might not have known everything about each other, but they had modelled a marriage full of affection, and to see that mirrored with these two made her glow with pride. ‘I’m glad to be back in the madhouse.’
‘That’s what Rosie called our house, just now. What is it with you lot insisting we’re all bonkers?’
Paz held up a finger. ‘Not all of us. You and me are the sane ones, we’re surrounded by nutters and mess.’ He ruffled Rosie’s hair, and she batted his hand away.
‘Mother doesn’t like being classed as sane,’ said Rosie.
‘It’s all relative,’ said Paz, taking a slurp of Rosie’s tea. Grace heard the echo of Annie saying the same thing.
‘Get your own,’ said Rosie.
‘I’ve flown four thousand miles to be in the bosom of my family and you begrudge me a sip of tea.’
Rosie sloped into the kitchen, squeezing Paz’s bottom on the way past. ‘Suppose I could make you a cup, since you put it like that.’
He sat in the chair she left. ‘That felt like a long trip. I’m glad to be back.’
‘How’s the practice?’
‘Good, yeah.’ He rolled his neck. ‘One of the guys has left, though. He got divorced and can’t afford to work for free anymore, so we need to recruit.
It’s a hard job to sell. Want to work in Barbados?
Yeah! Want to do it on an entirely voluntary basis?
Not so much. I’m lucky my firm allows me the sabbaticals. Not all companies are so flexible.’
‘And your family,’ said Rosie, putting his tea in front of him. ‘We allow you sabbaticals, and we’re very accommodating.’
‘And I’m very grateful.’ He turned to Grace and held his hand up to shield his mouth. ‘And it’s not a relief to be in a quiet hotel room, with only my own mess to clear up for weeks at a time, not a relief at all.’
‘You take the rough with the smooth, pal.’ Rosie wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled her face next to his. ‘I might be messy and chaotic, but I’m also the most fun you’ve ever had.’
‘And modest, too.’ Paz smiled as Rosie pretended to strangle him.
This was what living with Rosie and Frank had been like, for the most part. Excluding Rosie’s difficult teenage years, theirs had been a home full of banter and silliness. That’s why Grace had been happy to be self-contained. She had all the connection and fun she needed at home. Until she didn’t.
‘I found another of your dad’s reading journals,’ Grace said, when Paz went off for a shower. ‘That’s how I found out he definitely thought you both had ADHD.’
‘Right,’ said Rosie. ‘That must be strange, seeing his writing. Did it feel like he was talking to you?’
‘It did. It was pretty emotional, especially when he talked about three plans he’d made, that he never got to carry out.’ Her voice faltered and Rosie took her hand. ‘He only wrote what I read this morning twelve months before he died.’
Rosie’s eyes filled with tears. ‘What plans did he have?’
‘The first was to make sure Jude got his diagnosis.’
‘Well, tick on that one. At least he knew he’d set that in motion, even though he never got to see it to conclusion.’
They both smiled as Paz’s baritone voice singing ‘Ring of Fire’ came from above along with the sound of splashing water.
‘The next was to raise awareness of ADHD, the inattentive subtype.’
‘A noble cause. If we’d known even half of the stuff involved, we’d have been able to help Jude way earlier. But we don’t know what we don’t know.’ Rosie smiled at Grace. ‘What was the third?’
‘It was to build up his book club. He got so much out of it, and he wanted more people to have the opportunity to be involved. It’s certainly had a positive impact on me.
I think it’s the ideal scenario for people who are lonely or grieving because you can be as quiet or as chatty as you like, but you’re still part of something, you know?
The awful thing is, numbers have fallen off in the last year, according to Annie and Crush.
There’s only a handful of regular members.
I think he’d be really disappointed that it’s been kind of forgotten since he died. ’
‘That’s a shame. He was the best, wasn’t he?’ Rosie squeezed Grace’s hand. ‘We were lucky to have him.’
‘We were,’ said Grace. ‘And even though he can’t make his wishes a reality, I can.’
Rosie sat back. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I have a plan of my own, but it would involve telling everyone at book club about your dad probably having ADHD, and I’m not sure what he’d think of that.’
‘Since raising awareness was on his to-do list, it sounds like something he’d be keen on – I certainly am. Anything that destigmatizes it is a good thing, in my opinion.’
‘So, you think I should?’ Grace could feel a bubble of excitement rising.
‘You’ve been going to book club for a couple of months now, so I think you know the answer yourself. I’ll come with you, if you like. Jude and Paz could come too.’
‘That would be great,’ said Grace, beaming at the thought. For the first time in over a year, she felt like something was driving her forwards, not back, and it was a very good feeling indeed.