Chapter Thirty-Four
‘Annie, you’re up next.’ Jasmine said, taking off the headphones and smoothing back her ponytail.
‘You go first,’ said Annie. She crossed her arms over her chest, the books she’d brought held tightly against her. It was odd to see her round-shouldered, she usually stood tall and owned her height.
‘It’s okay—’
‘I don’t feel quite ready,’ said Annie, her voice tight. ‘Is it okay if you go now, please?’
Jasmine glanced from Annie to Grace, then put the headphones down on the desk. ‘All right. You don’t need to do anything with the levels, Grace.’
‘Good job,’ said Grace. ‘I’ve been so busy concentrating on not jumbling up my introductions, I haven’t seen a thing you’ve done.’
‘It’s all set up. Don’t worry.’ Jasmine looked at Jude. ‘Is it better if I move round to the other side of the desk?’
‘Yeah, the angles will be better,’ said Jude, adding, ‘I want to get your whole face in,’ before hiding behind his camera, as if that had slipped out accidentally.
When Grace was facing Jasmine, she noticed again how young her heart-shaped face and small, pretty features made her look.
If Grace saw her in the street, she might presume she wasn’t yet in sixth form, but here she was, competent and a well-respected member of staff at the BBC.
She glanced across at Lee, who appeared more relaxed than she’d ever seen him, and thought about how people’s outward surfaces only ever tell a tiny part of their story.
When Jasmine nodded to indicate she was ready, Grace spoke the words which had taken on a familiar pattern in her mouth. ‘Hello and welcome to Desert Island Reads with The Silent Book Club. Today I’m joined by Jasmine Miah, a BBC producer and fan of cosy crime. Welcome Jasmine.’
‘Hello Grace.’
‘Could you please tell us about your first Desert Island Read?’
‘It’s this.’ Jasmine held up a bright red book with a girl in a yellow dress on the cover. ‘Anita and Me by Meera Syal.’
‘The comedian Meera Syal?’
‘That’s right. She’s an author as well, and this book is brilliant.
It’s about a Punjabi girl growing up in a village where everyone is white.
’ Jasmine’s accent changed when she said the word Punjabi, and Grace realized Jasmine had a background she hadn’t given much thought to, despite having seen her with henna on her hands and wearing a beautiful sari.
‘Why did you choose that book and what impact did it have on you?’ These words had more meaning for Grace now. She felt a sense of privilege to be listening to the life-stories of her new friends, moved by their honesty and humbled to be the one in the interviewer’s seat.
‘First off, it’s hilarious – it could only be written by someone with a grounding in comedy – but it’s also very poignant.
The action is set in the seventies, in the time when my parents were growing up, and I recognized some of the push and pull they described.
Being second-generation immigrants, they had one kind of life at home, where they lived with extended family and ate chapati and dhal, but another life outside their community, where all their school friends were having fish and chips on a Friday night.
I felt like this book helped me understand them a bit better.
And what Syal describes didn’t end with their generation; I have a non-Indian first name and an Indian surname, and I think that sums up how I feel.
Being a part of two cultures definitely has its benefits, but it can mean you don’t always feel you fully belong to either. ’
Jude was nodding and Grace made a mental note to check in on him. She’d always just thought of him as her lovely Jude, but perhaps she ought to ask more about how he viewed himself.
‘Next up, I’ve got the book that started my cosy crime obsession, A Murder is Announced by the incomparable Agatha Christie.
’ Jasmine grinned, and as she continued to speak, Grace noticed how much more confident she seemed since they started this project.
She was always so quietly spoken and timid at book club, but here, in her professional environment, she was almost a different person.
‘That was great,’ said Grace when Jasmine finished explaining why she’d chosen her final book. ‘It’s all gone so quickly. Just you now, Annie and then that’s a wrap, as they say in the business.’ She grinned. ‘Do they say that in the business?’
‘You’re officially talent, now,’ said Jasmine. ‘And in my experience, talent say whatever they like.’
Grace flicked dust from her shoulders and preened. ‘I’ll expect caviar and champers in the green room after the show, darling.’ She giggled, then turned to Annie. ‘Come on, into the hot seat with you.’
Annie squinted at her watch. ‘Don’t worry about me. We’re nearly out of time anyway.’
‘We’ve got time,’ said Jasmine. ‘And I’m sure they won’t mind if we run over by a few minutes.’
‘It’s fine,’ said Annie, hugging herself closer. ‘I’m not sure I want to …’
‘What’s wrong?’ asked Tracy.
Annie squirmed. ‘I just feel … you’ve all been so interesting.
You’ve given the books you’ve chosen so much thought and the stories behind them are, well they’ve been really insightful.
Honestly, I’ve been watching you all with such admiration.
’ She pulled the books into her midriff.
‘I don’t feel like I’ve got much to say.
I didn’t prepare properly. I’ve been a bit tied up with …
’ Grace willed her to share what was happening at home.
Annie took a shaky breath then carried on, ‘Anyway, I had a standard working-class upbringing, I still live in the area where I was brought up and I’m just a classroom assistant.
I haven’t done anything interesting with my life.
I didn’t even go to university. Probably wouldn’t have got in if I’d tried. ’
‘You’ve got lots of interesting things to say, Annie, love,’ said Tracy.
‘She’s right,’ said Harry. ‘Crush quoted you during her interview. She wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t erudite, would she?’
Annie smiled. ‘You’re very kind, but honestly, I think I’ll give it a miss.’
Grace couldn’t bear to see the sadness in Annie’s eyes. ‘Please, Annie, give it a go. How about we do the interview, then you can watch it back and if you don’t like what you see, we won’t use it?’
All eyes were on Annie. She shuffled her feet, looking down at the books held against her abdomen. ‘I’ve only brought psychological thrillers, nothing particularly meaningful to me.’
‘Get your bum in that chair,’ said Crush firmly. ‘I want to hear about these psychological thrillers and why you like them so much. The more books I hear about, the better equipped I am to make recommendations.’ She patted the back of the seat. ‘Seriously. Do it for me.’
Annie shook her head but made her way to the chair.
Grace smiled across at her and started to speak. ‘Hello and welcome to Desert Island Reads with The Silent Book Group. With me today is the wonderful Annie Carter, classroom assistant, psychological thriller fan, and valued friend to everyone who knows her.’
Annie raised her eyes and Grace saw she was moved by the introduction. ‘Thank you.’
‘Now, psychological thriller is a genre I know very little about, but I understand it’s one of the most popular. Could you tell me which novel you picked first and why?’
Annie lifted a copy of The Talented Mr Ripley to show to the camera, but when she started to speak, her voice wavered.
She tried again, ‘I like this novel because …’ She looked around the room as though searching for inspiration.
‘It’s good because …’ She dropped the book onto the desk, burst into tears, muttered, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t … ’ and ran from the room.