Chapter Thirty-Six
A week later, Jude and Jasmine sat at Grace’s table, the laptop open in front of them. She served them cups of tea and chocolate biscuits as they transferred the footage they filmed at the radio studio onto the computer then performed some kind of wizardry to turn each segment into a short film.
‘I would never have thought of splicing it there,’ she heard Jasmine say when she was making drinks for them. ‘You’ve got an incredible eye for this stuff. Have you ever thought of being an editor?’
Grace willed Jude to absorb the praise. She’d been very flattered they’d asked to do the editing at her house.
She wasn’t entirely sure why, but wasn’t about to complain.
When she took a moment to sit in Frank’s study, looking through an auction catalogue for a console table she envisaged standing behind the orange sofa in the bookshop, the young voices coming through from the kitchen could easily have been Rosie and Paz a quarter of a century ago.
Where had those years gone? She glanced across at the graduation picture on the dresser.
Frank’s smile beamed out at her, and she wished he was there to see what lengths they were going to so more people knew about his beloved book club.
‘I hope wherever you are, you’re proud of us,’ she said quietly.
‘It’s all being done in your name, my love.
I miss you.’ She missed him so very, very much, but the feeling had been different lately.
The ache of loss was still present in her heart, but her mind was occupied much of the time, so the pain of it didn’t penetrate every waking thought.
Just then, she caught herself feeling guilty about that, but with another look at Frank’s smiling face, she gave her head a shake.
He would want her to be purposeful, even if she wasn’t quite ready to be happy yet.
‘Grandma.’ Jude’s voice called through from the kitchen. ‘Want to see the first film?’
‘Coming.’ She lifted herself out of the chair and went through to the table in the glass square, where Jude and Jasmine had pulled their chairs, so they sat side by side. They were looking at the screen, their dark heads almost touching.
When he designed the extension Frank sourced multi-glazed glass with solar control coatings and anti-glare technology, so the rooms were as useful as any other, rather than becoming an oven in summer and a fridge in winter.
The sun shone in, bathing Jude and Jasmine in soft light.
Watching these two young people in his bright and beautiful creation squeezed the air from her lungs.
Jude looked up and waved her over. ‘Come and see. I’m quite proud of these transitions. ’
‘What’s a transition?’
She stood behind Jude and watched him move his finger over the mouse pad to show her how one frame moved effortlessly into another. ‘Goodness,’ she said. ‘Very professional.’
‘He has this amazing way of knowing how thing should look, and making it happen,’ said Jasmine. ‘Honestly, I’ve worked with trained editors who wouldn’t have the vision to put this together.’
‘I don’t believe you, but thanks,’ said Jude, his eyes still trained on the laptop.
Believe her, believe her, believe her, Grace repeated in her head, watching the moving frames from the screen reflected in Jude’s unblinking eyes. ‘Well, Jasmine should know,’ she said. ‘She works for the BBC.’
Jasmine pulled another chair closer. ‘Sit down. We’ll show you the whole thing.’
A moment later, Grace’s face appeared on the screen, a little too large for comfort.
‘Goodness,’ she said again. She wanted to say, I can hardly bear to see my turkey neck wobbling when I talk and when did I develope that harsh line between my eyebrows?
But she didn’t, because these two were smiling, and saying positive things.
Anyway, wasn’t it what you said and did that was more important than how you looked?
When the sound of ‘Puncture Wounds’ signified the end of the first Desert Island Reads with Crush. Jude and Jasmine turned to her with expectant faces, but she was speechless.
‘Well?’ said Jude. ‘What do you think?’
She swallowed, blinked, then swallowed again. It was hard to put into words how she felt in the moment. Pride didn’t begin to cover it. ‘It’s … you’re … well, it’s phenomenal. Just phenomenal.’
Jude’s eyes glowed. ‘We’re pleased with it, aren’t we?’
Jasmine nodded. ‘It looks like a professional job to me. The content is pure gold and Jude’s visuals have taken it to another level.’
Grace was still struggling to find the words. ‘It’s so moving. Funny too. When Crush tells that story about Dave Grohl. The way you cut away to see everyone’s laughter, that really adds to it. It’s brilliant.’
‘I think that shot of Annie holding back tears when Crush is talking about her childhood is touching,’ said Jasmine. ‘I think it’s got it all. I really feel like this will get traction, and when it does, it will be unstoppable.’
Grace was moved by that shot of Annie for a different reason, but she couldn’t tell anyone what Annie shared that day. ‘We need to make sure everyone is okay with it before it’s uploaded,’ said Grace. ‘It might be that Annie doesn’t want to be seen close to tears on the world wide web.’
‘A hundred per cent,’ said Jude. ‘We want everyone to sign off on it before it goes out.’
‘I’m so proud of you,’ said Grace, pulling Jude in for a hug. She reached for Jasmine’s hand. ‘Both of you. Frank would be too.’
They stayed there for a moment and Grace could tell these two beautiful young people were thinking of Frank. She pulled away. ‘I’d better let you continue spinning your magic. Who fancies a slice of cake from Joelle’s to go with their next cuppa?’
A couple of hours later, their plates were scraped clean of the delicious red velvet cake Grace picked up from the village and the videos were all edited and ready to upload. ‘Such a shame Annie didn’t do one,’ said Jasmine. ‘Have you spoken to her? Is she okay?’
‘She says she’s all right,’ said Grace. She’d called a couple of times, but Annie hadn’t picked up, replying with messages saying she and Jack were doing okay and she’d be in touch soon.
Every time she thought of her friend, Grace wanted to do something to help, but she couldn’t think of a pretext to call round.
‘We’ll see her at book club in a few days.
Hopefully, she’ll be back to her chirpy self then.
’ She wished she could take the words back as soon as she said them.
Annie didn’t owe it to them to be chirpy to stop them worrying.
‘And if she’s not, we’ll make sure she knows we’re all here for her, won’t we? ’
‘We will,’ said Jasmine. She stood. ‘Right, I’d better get off. Thanks so much for the tea and cake, Grace.’
‘My pleasure.’ She saw Jasmine out then came back to the table where Jude was scrolling through his phone. ‘She’s a lovely girl,’ she said.
‘Yeah,’ said Jude. ‘She knows her stuff, too.’ His lips momentarily twitched in a coy smile.
‘You like her?’
‘Course.’
‘Like, like her?’
‘Grandma.’ He shook his head and peered down at his phone.
‘What? I’m just taking an interest.’ She nudged him with her shoulder.
‘You’re as bad as Dad.’
‘You could do worse,’ she said.
‘She could do better.’
Grace frowned. ‘What do you mean by that?’
Jude shrugged, his gaze fixed on the table. ‘Like you say, she’s a nice girl, she’s pretty and talented, she’s got a good job, she’s driven. What would she want with someone like me?’
‘I hope you’re joking?’ Grace couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘You’re a catch.’
‘Said like a proper grandma.’ Jude glanced up at her, then back at the table. ‘Who wants to take on someone who’s all over the place? The inside of my head is chaos, Grandma. She deserves someone who won’t be late to dates and doesn’t get overwhelmed by their inbox on a daily basis.’
‘What? No, I’m not having that. You’re not chaotic, your ADHD just means you’re more creative and sensitive than other people, it’s not like it’s a—’
‘It’s a disability, Grandma. That’s what it’s officially classed as.
And thanks for only seeing the positives, I appreciate that, and I do appreciate it can have its upside, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
The sensitivity is sometimes emotional dysregulation.
Feelings can actually physically hurt. Rejection is agony.
There’s a reason I avoid relationships. I don’t know how I’d cope if …
And you don’t see the procrastination, the mess of stuff going on in my head all the time, the hours I spend scrolling TikTok, hating myself because I’ve got lists of stuff I should be getting on with.
You don’t see the piles of laundry in the corner of my room that I keep meaning to get around to.
It’s not all creative ideas and sensitive souls, it’s being overwhelmed and anxious.
I don’t want to put myself through being me sometimes, never mind anyone else. ’
‘Oh, love.’ Grace didn’t know what else to say.
She pulled him to her. ‘I’m so, so sorry you feel like that.
’ She stroked his back, wishing she could force some of her love and admiration for him through her hand and into his heart.
‘If you care about someone, you take the good with the bad. And, even if you can’t see it, you have so much to offer. Anyone would be lucky to have you.’
‘I wish I was as sure about that as you.’
‘But me and your grandpa,’ said Grace releasing him and holding his big hand in hers.
Surely it was a mere minute since his hand fitted into her palm, and in her heart he would always be that small, vulnerable boy she was desperate to keep safe.
But how did you protect a grown man from their view of themselves?
‘Your mum and dad. We all made it work.’
‘Yeah, and that’s great. But, if I’m honest, I like Jasmine too much to want to make her life any harder.’
‘Being with you wouldn’t make it harder.’ Why couldn’t he see how wonderful he was? Anyone, literally anyone would be very fortunate to have him.
‘Thanks, Grandma.’ Jude stood and kissed the top of her head. ‘But I think it might.’