Chapter 28 #3
“It’s so tragic when the people who are supposed to protect you unconditionally end up doing the complete opposite, especially when mistreatment starts when you’re young.
You were taught not to fight back, instead you were indoctrinated to still love and respect those who didn’t give you the same courtesy. ”
Dion sounded gentle but also passionate, and I had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t only talking about my experiences. “You’ve been hurt too.”
I felt the small nod in the slight rise and fall of his shoulder. “Yes. And I promise to tell you about it one day. But this is about your demons. I started facing mine not too long ago.”
“But—”
“No, Nayana, don’t distract from yourself.”
I sighed heavily. “Every time I was lying bent over my father’s godsdamned desk, my back bloody and raw, I swore to myself that it’d been the last time I’d allowed him to mutilate me. But it never was. I didn’t fight back, ever. Because if I’d done that, the punishment would have been even worse.”
“I think everything and everyone around you tried to keep you oppressed, small, and weak. What would’ve happened if you’d fought your father in earnest? If you’d run away?”
“I couldn’t have done so. My father is so much stronger physically. And running away? I had no clue about survival skills until I met you all. I owned no money, the law was against me, and…I was too scared. It isn’t that I’d never considered it, but it just wasn’t realistic.”
“I agree. And that’s why the first thing on your journey to deal with this particular demon is to accept the impossible situation you were in.
You had no help, and you were powerless.
But you know what? The situation has changed.
You can leave all of that behind and become the person you want to be. ”
“What if I don’t know who I want to be?”
“Then you can learn. And that’s what you’re doing.
There’s a fire burning inside of you, and one day, your flames are going to ignite.
Then you will soar like the firebird from the legends of old.
You say you’re passive. But it’s not true.
You’re trying so hard and are on the way to discover yourself, to grow, to face your fears.
But most importantly, you’re not alone.”
“I know. I’m a burden to all of you.”
“In one way, yes.”
Dion’s brutal honesty hurt, and I didn’t reply. I was too busy fighting the tears threatening to spill over. Even his mention of a legend that I was unfamiliar with couldn’t coax a little curiosity out of me. My misery was just too strong.
“But you’re already less of a burden than you’ve been in the beginning.”
Falling silent, I thought about everything he’d said and also reflected on this serious side of Dion, the one with whom I could have a deep talk.
This side was different from the man with the nasty temper, whose moral compass was broken, or the one of the dominant bastard who saw himself as the pinnacle of creation.
Sometimes, it was hard to piece all the facets of Dion together to see the complete picture. He was my friend, but I couldn’t stop asking myself if I knew him at all.
“If it’s any consolation, Naya, one day, your father will get what he deserves.” Dion’s voice was a promise of murder, violence, and retribution.
I sighed. Serious Dion had left for vengeful Dion. I lifted my head and narrowed my eyes at him. “Murder isn’t the solution to everything.”
“I’m not talking about a solution, Nayana. That piece of shit will be given what he’s due, and that’s nothing less than the most painful death one can imagine.”
“He’s still my father.”
“He lost that privilege at the latest the first time he used the cane on you.”
“Why do you care so much? Is it because you’ve been hurt as well?”
“No, it isn’t like that. I care because he caused you pain, and not only once.
Even worse, he marked you over and over again.
” His hand wandered over my back, over the multitude of scars mapping me, hidden under my clothes.
“He made you bleed, destroyed any safety you could have felt, broke your heart and soul over and over again and, on top of that, threatened to murder you. One of these crimes would have been enough to eradicate his existence from this or any other world. But all these things combined—”
He didn’t finish his sentence, but it wasn’t necessary. Cold fury radiated from him, and I had the urge to smooth the frown on his forehead with my fingers. “Don’t think about it. In the end, it’s inconsequential.”
Dion glowered at me, but his features smoothed slightly as his arm tucked me tighter into his side.
Silence settled around us until Dion chose to speak once more. “Your mother is just as guilty. She allowed it to happen.”
“Dion, you can’t punish everyone who ever did me wrong.”
“I don’t see why not. Stop underestimating me.”
I just snorted. I wouldn’t even dignify that with an answer, and he didn’t seem to expect one. Until we joined the others for food, we sat in comfortable silence.