Chapter 31
thirty-one
LOGAN
The pizza place rushes my order, so in no time at all, I’m balancing three boxes and a liter of Sprite while I knock on Blair’s door. Thundering footsteps sound behind it before it flies open and reveals Reed’s excited face.
“Hey, man. I can’t believe you’re here. That shot tonight was epic.”
“Thanks, Reed.”
“Reedy, let him in,” Blair calls from inside the apartment. Reed’s cheeks flush pink, but he takes a quick step back.
“Sorry. Come in.”
I’m trying not to laugh as I follow him. I love that the kid’s so excited to see me. Honestly, the feeling is mutual. I enjoy hanging out with him more than I would have thought.
Blair watches us with an indulgent smile. She looks fucking stunning. She’s wearing black leggings and an oversized hoodie with her hands tucked in the sleeves. Her curly hair is piled into a messy bun on the top of her head, and I don’t think she’s wearing a stitch of makeup.
I like her like this. Real and raw and beautiful. Not that she’s not beautiful every other day too. But this is a softer side of Blair I haven’t had the privilege of seeing yet.
“Hey,” she says to me. “You can put the pizzas on the coffee table. I’ll grab us some plates.”
“We can just eat out of the boxes, Blair-Bear. We each have our own.” Reed flops down onto the armchair, leaving the couch to me and his sister.
“We’re going to use plates. I don’t need you dropping sauce onto the furniture.” She shakes her head as she pulls three plates out of the cabinet and grabs a stack of napkins.
Reed rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything else. I love that about the two of them. They bicker and fight like siblings, but I can tell how much they love each other. And how much Reed respects his sister. They have each other’s backs, even when they annoy each other.
Fuck, I want that.
“Here you go.” Blair smiles at me when she hands me a plate, and I store it up for later. She’s beautiful.
Reed wastes no time opening all three pizza boxes until he finds his, piling three slices on his plate. “So what do you guys wanna watch?” he asks around a mouthful of food.
“Reed,” Blair admonishes, rolling her eyes.
“How about The Santa Clause,” I suggest with a wink in Blair’s direction. I know I’ve made the right suggestion when she smiles softly at me.
“Seriously, dude? That movie is for kids.”
I shrug. “I like it. Guess that makes me a kid.”
“You’re just trying to get in good with my sister,” he mumbles.
I chuckle at that, because he’s not wrong. But I also do like the movie. It’s nostalgic. I remember watching it with my favorite babysitter as a kid. She ordered us pizza, just like this, made kettle corn and hot chocolate, and we laughed the whole night.
If Blair hears Reed’s commentary about my intentions, she doesn’t let it show.
At some point, we’re going to have to talk about this.
Whatever this is. But I’m hoping to put it off a little longer because I’m not completely sure what’s happening.
I like Blair. A lot. And I want to spend more time with her.
But Blair’s not a casual kind of woman, and as tempted as I am to tell her I’m ready to go all in with her, I need to make sure that’s actually the case.
I don’t want to screw this up.
“The Santa Clause it is.” Blair folds herself gracefully onto the couch, her feet tucked beneath her as she searches the streaming services for the movie. As she does that, I grab her a couple slices of pizza and hand her the plate once she’s done. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“This pizza is so good,” Reed says, groaning. “Blair, we need to get it from here next time.”
“It’s my favorite,” I say. “The sauce is slightly spicy, and it just makes it. They deliver too.”
What I want to offer—but don’t—is that I’d deliver pizzas to the two of them any time they wanted. All they’d have to do is ask. But if I say something like that, Reed will definitely give me shit, and I don’t want to make Blair feel uncomfortable.
We lapse into silence as the movie plays. Everyone grabs seconds, and Reed grabs thirds, and the carbs must be hitting all three of us hard, because halfway through the movie, Reed’s yawning so wide, it looks like he might crack his jaw.
He fights it for another fifteen minutes before running his hand through his curls and giving up. “I’m gonna go to bed. Thanks for bringing pizza, Logan.”
“No problem. Any time. Night, bud.” I hold out my fist, and Reed taps it before leaning over his sister and wrapping his arms around her.
“Night, Blair-Bear. Love you.”
“Love you too, Reedy. Sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams.”
The kid shuffles down the hall to the bathroom, then ten minutes later he closes himself in his bedroom with a wave and another mumbled good night.
“He’s a good kid,” I say softly.
“The best,” Blair agrees. She fights a yawn, and my stomach drops.
“You look tired. Should I head out? You probably didn’t intend to stay up this late.” I want her to say no. To tell me to stay. But I also won’t overstay my welcome if she’s tired.
“Nah, let’s finish the movie. It’s more than halfway done, anyway.” Blair shivers.
“Cold?”
“A little.”
“Where do you keep the blankets? I’ll grab you one.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I offered, so just tell me where you keep your throws, and don’t be stubborn.”
I’m fighting a laugh when Blair’s mouth opens. She may act surprised or offended when I’m bossy, but I think she secretly likes it. About little stuff, at least. Something tells me if I tried to boss Blair around about anything big, she’d kick my ass.
“They’re in the basket over there.” She points to the window and the sideboard beside it.
I grab the largest, softest blanket and tuck it around her. Just as I’d hoped, there’s plenty of blanket left to cover me too. “Do you mind if I share?”
Blair sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. “Of course not.”
When I settle in beside her, the cushion dips enough that Blair tips toward me. Using that to my advantage, I wrap an arm around her waist to keep her from pulling away. Because she will pull away if I let her.
I’m pretty sure she wants me as much as I want her, but she’s stubborn. She’ll fight this.
“Might as well share body heat too,” I whisper against her ear, smirking when she shivers. Something tells me it’s not because of the chill this time.
“Right. Might as well.” It takes her a couple of minutes to relax against me, but I feel like I’ve won the lottery when she finally rests her head against my shoulder. She smells sweet and floral, and she’s soft and warm.
She feels right against me.
That thought should scare me more than it does.
“I used to have a crush on Bernard, when I was a kid,” she says.
The comment comes out of nowhere, and I huff out a laugh. “The elf?”
“Yeah. I mean, look at him. He’s cute for an elf.”
My body shakes as I hold her, my laughter quiet so we don’t disturb Reed. “If you say so.”
“I do. The ears really do it for me.”
“Noted.” I’m already trying to find reasons to wear fucking elf ears.
That’s how I know I’m gone. Women like those faerie fantasy romance novels, right?
People make whole balls and shit so they can dress up like their favorite characters and drink and dance, don’t they?
Maybe I could find something like that and dress up like a hot fae dude.
Or I could take her and Reed to the Renaissance Faire in the summer.
I could find a cool warrior-type costume and add fake, pointy ears.
Jesus. I’m in trouble.
“After my parents died, I wished I had a magical snow globe I could shake, and they’d appear.”
Fuck, that’s sad.
“I know it’s stupid.”
“No,” I murmur, tugging her closer. Her hand splays against my chest, but she doesn’t fight it. She lets herself lean against me, and one of her knees hooks over mine. “That’s not stupid at all. If I’d seen this before my mom left, I probably would have wished for the same.”
“Do you talk to your mom?”
My throat tightens. “No. She called every once in a while for the first year or two after she left, but eventually she stopped even doing that. I haven’t seen her in more than twenty years. Not sure where she lives, at this point.”
I’m assuming she’s still alive—my dad would have to know if she wasn’t, right?—but that’s speculation.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. I was too, for a long time. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want to see me, or talk to me on the phone. But I don’t think about her much anymore. I barely remember what she looks like. I could pass her on the street, and I doubt I’d even realize.”
“Jesus, Logan. That’s unbelievably shitty.”
“It is what it is,” I say reflexively. But of course, Blair doesn’t buy it. Her thumb rubs circles over my chest.
“She’s missing out. Really.”
“I guess.”
“She is.” Blair’s voice is fierce, and a lump clogs my throat. “You may try to act like an unfeeling asshole, but you’re not. Beneath that tough-guy exterior, you’re a big softie, aren’t you?”
I try to laugh at that, but it comes out sounding choked. “Softie? I don’t know about that. I really am an asshole.”
“You’re not. You’re just scared to let anyone in.” She pauses, and I hold my breath. “I get it. I do the same thing. If you don’t let anyone in, they can’t disappoint you.”
I… She’s not wrong. I suppose I do that.
“And why do you feel the need to protect yourself against disappointment?” I whisper.
Blair sucks in a deep breath, and her fingers press hard against my chest, like she’s bracing herself before answering.
I don’t speak, afraid to spook her before she gives me one of her truths.
Because, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I want to hear them.
I want to hear every deep, secret truth this woman will deign to tell me.