Chapter 31 #2
“Before our parents died, I was in college. Had great friends, a boyfriend I thought was the one. I had all these plans, you know? It was exciting. Everything felt like it was falling perfectly into place, and I’d found my forever people.
“But then I got that call. The one no one ever wants to answer. My parents had been away on a romantic trip together and left Reed to stay with a friend for two nights. They rented a cute little house, had plans for dancing and dinners… I remember feeling jealous because it sounded like so much fun…” Her voice trails off, and I hold her tighter.
“There was a fire. The smoke detectors in the house they were renting were faulty or the batteries were dead… I don’t know. All I know is, they didn’t wake up in time to get out.” Her voice catches. “I hope… I hope it was the smoke that got them because the alternative is just too…”
“Fuck, baby.”
Blair’s fingers dig into my chest. “I was at Noah’s when they called.
We were in bed. I ignored the first call because I didn’t recognize the number.
Then they called again right away, and I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, you know?
When I answered and they called me Miss Sherman, I just…
I knew my life would never be the same.”
There’s a heavy, silent pause as Blair gathers her thoughts.
I reach up and run my fingers over her forehead and cheeks, offering my silent support as best I can.
Nothing I could say would be adequate. No sorry or that’s terrible could touch the level of devastation Blair must have felt.
Must still feel. She doesn’t need words; she needs to know I’m here for her.
“Anyway. I called Reed’s friend’s mom, and she assured me he could stay there for as long as I needed until I could move back home.
It hadn’t even really occurred to me until I called her that’s what I’d have to do.
I’d have to move out of the apartment I shared with my boyfriend and move back home.
Because if I didn’t, who else would take care of Reed? We didn’t have any other family.”
Blair sucks in a ragged breath. “When I told Noah, he was great. He held me as I cried, told me everything would be okay. Said we’d figure it out.
And when I told my friends that I’d have to finish school virtually and move home, they assured me they’d always be there.
They’d come for weekends and help me with Reed.
They’d call and video chat with me every single day… ”
My stomach sinks when her voice catches.
“And stupid me, but I believed them. Noah helped me pack all my stuff. Even drove the truck home for me so I didn’t have to.
He stayed with Reed and me for the first two nights, but I could tell he was uncomfortable.
Reed was a mess. Angry, crying nonstop, asking when Mom and Dad were coming home…
” Her words cut off, and I feel my shirt growing wet.
Gently, I brush her tears away with my thumb. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you. You were so young, and you’d just lost your parents. To have to comfort your little brother at the same time…”
“I’d do anything for Reed,” she says reflexively.
“Of course you would. I know that, baby. I’m just saying that you were so fucking brave and strong. But I wish you didn’t have to do that alone.”
“Yeah. Me too.” She sighs. “My friends were good about calling at first. Noah came down a couple times over the weekends that first month or two, but each visit, it became more and more clear that he didn’t want to be there. He’d talk about parties he was missing, events he was skipping for me…”
“Dick,” I mutter.
Blair chuckles wetly. “Yeah, exactly. Then he stopped texting every day, and after a while, I stopped initiating it. I felt like I was drowning, you know? So what did I have to say? I was heartbroken and angry, and he was still living the college life I wanted to be living. He couldn’t relate to my grief, and I couldn’t relate to the fact that his life hadn’t changed.
“When he broke up with me, I wasn’t even surprised. Disappointed, sure, but I knew it was coming. He stopped saying I love you when we hung up the phone. Stopped asking me how I was doing because he didn’t want to be brought down by my answer. Do you want to know what he told me when he ended it?”
Not really, because I have a feeling it’ll make me want to hunt the piece of shit down and bash his face in. But I don’t say that. I just nod against her head.
“He told me he loved me, but our lives weren’t heading down the same paths anymore.
That he wanted to have fun in his twenties, not raise a grief-stricken eight-year-old boy.
He said he wished things had been different because he really thought I was going to be the person he shared the rest of his life with. ”
“What a fucking asshole,” I growl, furious for the woman Blair had been then. Furious that she’d lost everything, and the people closest to her hadn’t even tried to step up.
My appreciation for the guys on my team grows with her story.
They’ve always been there for me. It’s never a question.
If one of us is struggling, the others are there.
We pick up the slack, give advice, encourage each other…
whatever is needed. We’re more than teammates.
We’re brothers. Family. And I’m fucking pissed that Blair didn’t have that when she needed it.
“I can’t even blame him, though,” she says with a deep, tired-sounding sigh.
“Not when there were so many nights I’d lie in bed, resenting what my life had become.
I wanted to be a carefree twenty-year-old too, you know?
I wanted to go to parties and sleep in with my boyfriend.
I wanted to have fun and go on dates. I wanted to be the woman I was before my parents died.
The woman who had dreams. The whole world was open for her.
And then it wasn’t anymore. Who would want to stick around for that? ”
“You stuck around.”
“Of course, I did. Reed is my little brother. He’s family. I love him. What else could I have done? If I didn’t take custody of him, he would have ended up in foster care. I would never have let that happen.”
“Family doesn’t always stick around,” I tell her softly. “My mom didn’t. She was my mom, Blair, and she left when it got too hard. But you didn’t leave. You were everything your brother needed you to be. And you should have had people in your corner who didn’t leave you, either.”
“Maybe I’m not meant to have that.”
“Bullshit,” I say, soft but firm. “That’s bullshit, baby.
You are meant to have that. And I realize this won’t mean much coming from me because we barely know each other, and I’m very aware of my well-deserved reputation, but I’m telling you right now that you do have that now.
Me and the guys, hell, their women too. We’ll be there for you and Reed.
There’s no one better to have in your corner than the Rogues.
We know how to take hits. Give them too.
And we know how to protect the people who matter to us. ”
The wet spot on my shirt grows, and Blair’s breathing is ragged. “But why? Why me? Why Reed?”
“Because you’re both worth it,” I tell her simply.
“Logan, I… You know you’re worth it too, right?”
So the guys tell me.
“If I ever meet your mom, I’m going to tell her she made the biggest mistake possible by leaving you.
” She looks up at me. Her eyes are red-rimmed and swollen and tear tracks glisten on her cheeks, but I swear to god, she’s never looked more beautiful.
“If you were mine, I never would have left you.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
Never has a softly spoken sentence cut me to the core the way that just did.
I want to promise her the same thing. I want to tell her that if I’d been her boyfriend at the time, I never would have let her go through all of that alone, either.
But I’m not sure that’s true, so I can’t bring myself to say it.
And as much as I want it to be true, now, I’ve never really stayed, either, have I?
I’ll need to prove I can stick around no matter what to myself as much as Blair.
So I don’t tell her I never would have left her.
Instead, I swipe the tears from her cheeks, tilt her chin, and press my lips to hers.
The kiss is slow, gentle. It’s more than simple lust. More than a physical need.
It’s the hope that I can be better. That she’ll give me a chance to try.
Because if Blair gives me a chance to make her mine, I’ll do everything I can to be the kind of man who never leaves her.