Chapter Seventeen #2
I took a shuddering breath, gaping at my father with shocked hurt. “Dad. Ouch.”
“I'm sorry, Daughter. I love you, and I support whatever decision you make, but I had to speak my truth to you. I know guilt intimately. It filled my life through my entire relationship with your mother.”
“Are you saying you went against your heart with her?”
“Yes, Seren. I wish I had listened to my guilt.
It told me that what I was doing was wrong.
It wasn't fair to her or you. It especially wasn't fair to Ewan.
I should have declared myself openly. I should have married her and brought you both here.
But I didn't think it was right. My head got in the way of my heart.”
I made a snort.
“What is it?”
“Just that this garden we're searching for is supposedly made of regret. The Kings and Queens of Seelie cut away their darker emotions so they could rule without those feelings getting in the way. And here you are saying that those emotions are necessary to guide us.”
“I think this blight proves that. Cutting out our emotions leads to bad decisions. The Goddess gave us a heart to temper our minds and vice versa. It is only within the harmony of the two that we find wisdom. The mind cannot rule without the heart, and the heart cannot love without the mind. Emotions, all of them, are integral to our wellbeing. Listen to your guilt, Seren. It speaks the truth.”
I nodded. “Maybe. Or maybe it speaks everyone else's.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes we feel guilt because we're taught that something is wrong, not because we think it's wrong. Maybe I'm just feeling guilty because of how I was raised. In which case, the guilt is just holding me back.”
My father's gorgeous purple eyes, sparkling with the silver spokes that radiated out from his pupils, widened. “Seren.”
“I'm not discounting your counsel, Dad. But you don't want me to simply obey you either, do you? I must make my own decisions.”
He chuckled. “That you must. Your own decisions will lead to your own successes and your own failures. They will make you a great Queen.”
“My failures will make me great?”
“Yes. They're even more necessary than your victories.” He pressed a finger to the crystal. “I love you, Seren. If I may offer one more piece of advice?”
“Of course, Dad.”
“Keep scrying Raza. Push him. Don't let him scare you off. He fought for you once. Now, he needs you to fight for him.”
“Even when what I'm fighting against is him?”
“Especially when it's him you fight. Prove to him that he's worth it. He fought against you, didn't he?”
I smiled, remembering how Raza never gave up. He sent me the Unseelie crown at one point. “Yes, he did. In this, I will obey you.”
“It's not obedience, Seren. It's prudence. Now, scry your husband. I happen to know he's brooding in his guest room at this very moment.”
I laughed. “All right, Dad. And go home. Fuck those idiots. They're not in charge of Fairy anyway. They can bicker all they want, but it won't matter.”
“Yes, that's why I'm leaving. I did my duty by attending the meeting. Now, I'm doing my duty to myself and leaving before I murder one of them.”
“Let me guess, Councilwoman Shinsato?”
“Surprisingly, no. It's Lorcan who is being the most unreasonable.”
“Councilman Timberstride? Really? He's always been so reasonable.”
“Well, he's out of sorts with Danu missing.” Keir grimaced. “And his daughter is here. She could make the sanest man go mad.”
“Oh, fuck,” I muttered.
“Yes, Tiernan's ex-wife is being particularly troublesome even though she's not allowed in the meetings.”
I sighed. “Get out of there while you can, Dad.”
“I'm leaving now. My King's Guard is already preparing our cairs. Good luck with the Dragon-Djinn.”
“Thanks.” I swiped the phone.
I was just about to call for Raza when someone stepped out of the forest. Emerging from the darkness, the man looked like a shadow himself—his body, hair, and clothing all black.
When the firelight hit him, it illuminated all the details of his face, but there was no other color to him. He was entirely formed of blight.
I stepped back, my scry phone falling from my hand.
“Queen Seren of Seelie,” the man said, his voice full of sorrow so tragic that my heart clenched in response. “Do not run from me and do not shine your light upon me. I am here to speak with you. Only speak.”
“Who are you?” I whispered.
“I am all of us. All of you. The pieces of pain that were planted in Fairy. I am the prized bloom of the Garden of Regret. King of the Somber Ones.”
“The Somber Ones?”
Something shivered in my mind at the name. It sounded familiar.
“I have come to offer you a truce.”
“You'll end the blight?”
“It is not a blight. It is a demand. You have left us to fester. You have starved the garden. It was made to serve the Seelie Royals, but you forgot about it. Now, you remember.”
“Yes, we've remembered. But we don't want to prune our emotions.”
“You must. For the good of Fairy. We exist to serve you, Queen Seren.”
“Have you infected Danu?”
“Danu is Fairy. And so, we are Danu.”
“I don't think that's how it works.”
“The Goddess suffers with us, Queen Seren. You must give us our due or she will fester along with us. You and your King must feed the Garden of Regret.”
“You've already taken from Tiernan.”
“That was just a taste. He still holds much pain. His pain is our tribute. As is yours. Give it to the Garden or all will suffer.” His dark stare shifted to the village.
“You have seen the good that a pruning can do.” He met my gaze again.
“And you are in great need of a pruning, Queen Seren. So, here is my offer. Come to me. Give yourself to me, and I will make you into a glorious queen. All that holds you back from greatness and joy will vanish. I will take it from you. Give to the Garden and the Garden will support you.”
My flesh ran cold. I could end the blight right there.
Part of me wanted him to take all my guilt.
But despite what I had said to my father, it felt wrong while his counsel felt right.
Everything was tied to my emotions. Even this decision.
The guilt may hurt, but it was the pain of truth.
Without that guilt, I wouldn't hold back, and everyone I loved would suffer.
“Look upon your fairies.” The dark king waved at the village. “See what the Garden can do for you. We are not evil. We long to serve. In my arms you'll find only relief.” He opened his arms.
It felt sexual. Maybe because my life was so centered around sex lately.
Sure, my perspective could be off. But that's how it felt when he opened his arms—as if he wanted to be my lover.
And I had enough of those, thank you very much.
So, not only did he creep me out, but he also pissed me off.
I wouldn't use my heart to make this decision. Nope, this time, I'd go with my gut.
“No deal, King Somber. Go back to your garden and tell the other talking flowers that I'm coming for you. Either you stop attacking my people, or I will burn your garden to the ground and salt the fucking earth!”
The King of the Somber Ones held my stare, utterly unaffected by my threat. “Very well, Queen Seren. There will be no truce.” He stepped back and became one with the shadows.
Trembling, I crouched to pick up my phone, keeping an an eye on the forest. I would not show fear. I couldn't. But damn, it was nerve-wracking to turn my back on the dark and walk away. I could feel that thing watching me.
Inside my chest, in a heart full of guilt, I resolved to destroy the Garden of Regret. Whatever repercussions arose because of my actions, I would accept. I was not a woman who made idle threats. Nor would I back down when someone threatened me.