Forty-two nights after meeting the General
I found myself in the library the following days under the guise of researching how to create a new medicine for a patient who was not responding to the regular remedies for infections. The rows of books were a comfort to me during the confusing time following my visit to the General’s office.
Despite him providing me with a warm bath and reassurances that he would take responsibility for his actions, I was yet to truly understand what it all meant.
Axel made sure that I had clean clothes provided for me, and escorts to take me back to the infirmary.
Two guards followed me everywhere I went from that moment on.
I felt like a prisoner again. To avoid the guards, the General, Inge’s belligerent questioning, and the consequences of my actions, I became somewhat of a recluse.
I spent my time alone in the impressive castle library.
The bookcases reached up to the ceiling, and were made of sturdy granite.
A ladder was needed to reach most of the books, but I did not need any of the ancient tomes on the top shelves.
I wouldn’t even be able to read the script.
In between bookcases, I would disappear.
The only other person that frequented the library was Alain.
He had been there for about an hour, each day.
We would nod at each other, exchange pleasantries, and continue our work in silence.
He never asked me any questions. He understood why I was there.
Life was not completely avoidable though.
For the past three nights, upon returning to the sleeping quarters, I found freshly washed silk pyjamas and a stack of fur blankets to keep me warm at night.
It was all terribly embarrassing. I was not a courtesan for Axel to shower with gifts in return for an occasional service provided by the body.
I remember thinking that if he wanted to court me, he could not keep sending presents without ever gracing me with his presence.
I should not have thought that, as the day after, those thoughts manifested him into existence.
The General began visiting me in the library.
For three consecutive days, he would spend odd hours there.
He did not say much. He did not pretend to be reading either.
He sat in the armchair closest to wherever I was, staring at me.
At some point, he would ask after how I was feeling.
How I was enjoying the castle, if I was settling in well.
I would give curt responses. That did not deter him.
He would still sit there, and stare at me, until suddenly announcing that he had business elsewhere. It was bizarre.
I took another book on herbal remedies from the top shelf and turned around to get back to my seat, when I was stopped by a familiar face, with an unfamiliar expression. She sneaked up on me. I never heard the sound of her armour rattling.
Erna had been particularly hostile towards me even before that day.
Yet here she was, dark hair cascading down her body, and a look of pure contempt.
My chest, as it was rising and falling, only just missed by the tip of the blade that was pointed towards me.
I held my breath and took a step back. Was she really going to hurt me?
“Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked. I bit my lip.
“What are you doing?”
“You said you didn’t know why the emperor wanted you,” she said, and I knew what she knew. Something I barely knew myself.
“Lower the sword, please.”
“You lied to us.” As I walked back she walked forward, until my back was pressed against a bookcase. “You had no reason to do so.”
“I never lied to you! I still do not know what the empire wanted from me.” And it was true, to some extent.
“Liar!” I hoped her shouts would have alerted the guards, but I had no such luck.
“Erna, please, I am unarmed,” I pleaded with her. “Please put the sword down.” We shared a look. I saw her thinking. Her brows furrowed, her sword wavering. She lowered it, only just. It was a silent truce. A promise to hear me out.
“Why didn’t you tell us about your father?” I swallowed the emptiness of my dry mouth.
“What about my father?”
“Don’t play dumb now!” The sword was pointed at me again, the tip of it flush against my chest. I held up my hands in surrender.
“I am not playing dumb! I never met my father.” I raised my own voice. I doubted she would harm me, knowing why she confronted me this way. I did not want to test that theory while being threatened by a werewolf with a sword.
“But you know who he is,” she said.
“...I do.”
“And you didn’t tell us,” she said. I bit my lip. I barely even told myself. I never admitted to myself who he was. I stopped myself from thinking about him, about his motives. Whether he was at court voluntarily or by force. I did not even know him.
“I didn’t tell you,” I said. “But I didn’t lie. How could I be sure that the emperor knew I was my father’s son?”
“You have the same name, Gabriel.”
“Lots of people do.” My voice was losing intensity. I spoke with less conviction.
“Humans, yes! Not druids!” I knew I had been lying to myself as much as the others. My father was at court, serving the emperor. I knew it. I had known about it for years.
“I was not sure. For all I knew, the emperor just wanted anyone made of magic under surveillance,” I said, the words sounding hollow as I heard myself speak them.
“I still think that is the case. I think any healer would do.” She was standing a bit further away from me, her sword was just a little less threatening from a distance.
“But he went looking for you specifically, because of your father.” It could have been a statement, or a question.
“No, I think he went looking for me because I am the only healer he knew of,” I responded.
“So you think he wanted you because he needed a healer?”
“I think so. But I did not lie, I do not know anything for sure.” Erna paused to think. She looked me up and down, but her eyes were distant.
“Why would he have need for another healer?”
“I think my father passed,” I said, admitting something I would have rather kept from myself. “I think he needs my magic.” This made her finally put down the sword. This theory must have been something she had not considered.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Because I wasn’t sure, Erna,” I said. I was barely breathing as I spoke. “Besides, I barely knew you! I was your prisoner!” She looked into my eyes, searching for something. I was not sure if she found what she was looking for.
“What do you think the General will do when he finds out you kept this to yourself?” she asked. It was one of the reasons I did not want to open this can of worms. What would happen if Axel knew who my father was? Would he cease to have mercy on me?
“I don’t know.”
“I have to tell him,” she said softly. She knew a threat like this would pain me.
“No!” I pleaded. “No, I will tell him myself.” She sighed. We stood there, in silence. It took forever.
“Alright,” she said when she made her decision. “I give you one week, no more.”
I nodded. She turned away from me, making her way towards the doors.
Her hair trailed behind her, as did the sword she now put back in its sheath.
This lie could have been the end of me. If he really was gone, the father I never met might have come to haunt me from the grave.
His ghostly presence might have seen me in enemy territory.
He must have come to the conclusion that I was a petulant child in need of the worst form of punishment.
Or perhaps he had gotten lonely in death, and was trying to take me with him to the afterlife.