Chapter 34
GENIE
Now
‘Sorry did I wake you?’ Gray says, trying to act as normal as possible.
‘No. I couldn’t sleep and thought I’d join you.’ I reply bluntly. ‘You’re working! You promised this holiday would be different.
‘I’m not working. Honestly.’ Gray replies, somewhat sheepishly.
‘That’s a lie!’ I almost hiss at him. ‘I saw you using your work phone.’
‘Ahh. There’s another reason for that.’ He starts to explain.
‘I would never ever want to go behind your back, and I usually don’t but I can’t sit back and do nothing knowing there’s a guy out there who doesn’t know he has a child and a woman who doesn’t know her real parents, so I’ve been doing a bit of research of my own.’ He starts before I interrupt him.
‘Without telling me?’ I shout. ‘I wish you’d asked me, Gray! You can’t just do things that concern me and not consult me.’ I feel my face flushing bright red with complete outrage.
‘You didn’t exactly want to give your child up, so what’s stopping you from forming a bond now? Imagine the relief you could give to your daughter, her knowing that she was and still is wanted. Imagine the happiness you could give to Ed knowing he isn’t childless, after all.
‘I’ve done a bit of research on the adoption service associated to the church and I think I’ve tracked down your friend Emma on FaceBook.’ Gray confesses.
I sit and stare at my husband. This caring man who would lay his life down for me. He’s always looked after me and has my best interests at heart but is this a step too far?
‘You shouldn’t have done it!’ I protest again, tears threatening to pour down my face. ‘You can’t keep trying to fix me!’ I shout at him.
‘I’m sorry Genie but I just want to help you and as much as I’m not a fan of Ed Nash particularly after what he’s done, he does still deserve to know he has a daughter out there somewhere and knowing you as such a wonderful and loving mother, I know deep down you want to find Milly. ’ Gray replies stoically.
‘Of course I do!’ I sob. ‘But I want to be in control of finding her.’
‘I’m sorry. I just wanted to help. Do you want me to share what I’ve found out?’ He tentatively asks, fearful of another emotional outburst most probably.
I nod and he passes me his phone. There’s an article on a local Bournemouth newspaper website which reads:
St Joseph’s Catholic Church in Bournemouth has been linked to an adoption scandal with a local Catholic adoption agency. The Bournemouth Chronicle has evidence that many of the adoptions through this agency were mishandled and the agency itself was closed down in the late 1980s because of this.
There was evidence found that many of the adoptions had been illegal with many birth certificates having been fabricated together with rumours of cash bribes between the church and the adoption agency.
‘Shit.’ I grumble, running my hand through my hair. ‘If the agency was shut down, does that mean that all the files are gone too and finding Milly will be impossible.’
‘I know. It’s frustrating to get this far and to come to a dead end.
But the good news is that I’ve found Emma and she might be able to shed some light on things.
’ Gray replies, trying as ever to be optimistic.
He’s shows me screenshots from her various social media accounts.
She appears to be married with two grown-up sons and still lives in the Bournemouth area, going by the name of Emma Hadfield-Jones.
I spend ages looking at the various photos of Emma and her family.
‘She looks just the same. Well, obviously older, but I’d recognise her anywhere. I’m going to contact her .’ I say decisively. ‘I’ll send her a direct message on Facebook.’
‘Look, I just wanted to help.’ Gray says apologetically but I can tell he’s also happy that in some way he has helped me possibly find my daughter. ‘Am I forgiven?’ Gray asks me with a cheeky smile, but I’m not letting him get away with taking control.
‘Not really. Please stop making decisions for me, Gray. You’ve always done it ever since I met you, and I’ve always allowed you to do it.
But I want to be able to make my own decisions, especially on the possibility of finding my daughter.
’ I reply, my cheeks flushing again with the little anger still left inside me.
Gray nods, accepting what I’ve just said, as he knows that he’s spent the whole of our marriage trying to protect me. I know I’m right. It’s time for me to take back control.
Gray leaves me to my own devices, offering to do a coffee and doughnuts run, anticipating Maura’s arrival later. I’m in a world of my own again, back with Ed and my friends.
Gray returns and the children descend on the food like a plague of locusts, even Cassie has forgotten about her diet.
We have a pool day, and I busy myself making sure that Maura’s room is ready for her arrival.
Gray decides to leave a little bit early to go to the airport to collect Maura and I stay at the villa, to put a little distance between us.
I’m still smarting from him doing his own research without telling me first but in hindsight I’m thrilled that I potentially could be back in touch with Emma.
I don’t know why I never thought of contacting her sooner, but I guess it all comes down to not wanting to surround myself with people who know that I had a baby all those years ago.
But I’ve sent her a message privately via Facebook so I’m hopeful she’ll be in touch.
I lounge in the sun with Cassie while Will divebombs in and out of the pool and then finds a small, squeezy ball which he throws at his sister, using her as target practice.
She shrieks, he laughs, and I ineffectively play referee. Gray is so much better at this type of parenting than I am. Eventually even Will tires from annoying his sister and we all go inside to shower in readiness for Maura’s arrival.
Gray messages me to say that Maura’s flight has been slightly delayed, so by the time she clears immigration and locates her luggage, and they are on the road, it’s early evening and it’s getting dark.
I hear the car arrive and open the door to greet Maura, hugging her tight, not wanting to let her go.
It’s only a week since we’ve seen each other, but it seems like longer.
I let Maura unpack and then we enjoy a Thai takeaway with the children, and we catch up on our holiday news.
Once we’re stuck into our second bottle of wine, the children make their excuses and go to their rooms. Maura looks tired what with the time difference between London and Florida.
Maybe tonight isn’t the night to let her into my secret.
‘Thanks, guys, so much for inviting me. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to this break.’ Maura says, settling back in one of Jonesy’s comfortable leather recliner chairs, sipping her wine.
‘We’re thrilled you could join us.’ I begin. ‘But there is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for ages.’ I say, placing my wine glass on the table.
‘Can I presume it has something to do with a certain Mr Ed Nash?’ Maura replies, looking at both of our faces for a sign that she’s right ‘Social media has been awash with gossip.’
‘Spot on.’ I say, nodding, before continuing. ‘As you know by now, Ed and I did date as teenagers, and yes of course it’s all true that I was the inspiration behind a lot of his early songs. And it wasn’t too long after that that I ended up in Brighton.’
She nods, slightly misty eyed, remembering me as a young, broken girl who found my way to her and the pub she was managing all those years ago.
‘Well, I think it’s time I told you the reason I ended up in Brighton.’ I say.
Afterwards, I look to the floor, the last word of my secret finally spilled.
‘Oh, Genie. I had no idea, darling, no idea at all.’ Maura says, shaking her head in disbelief.
I look up at Maura, while Gray just sits there with his arm wrapped around me protectively.
‘I’m a dreadful person, aren’t I?’ I say, wiping my nose with a tear-sodden tissue.
‘Not at all. You were so young to have to deal with all of that: being taken away from your home, your boyfriend, your friends and being forced to give away your baby.’ Maura says kindly, trying to console me. ‘I just wish you’d told me when you first came to Brighton.’
We spend the rest of the evening talking about the adoption agency being forced to close and how I was going to try and find my friend Emma and of course my baby, who by now is in her thirties.
We stay up late, drink far too much, we laugh, and we cry until our tiredness finally gets the better of us.