Chapter 35
THIRTY-FIVE
The motorbike engine came to a stop, and I gritted my teeth, wondering if it could possibly be Ryan already.
There was no way he would have made it from our old flat in such a short time, but perhaps he hadn’t come from there.
Perhaps they’d even moved. I had neglected to ask, I realised now. I’d taken so much for granted.
Jade was utterly silent, as if she knew exactly what was coming next and was going through a mental checklist of how to prepare.
She sat on the upturned bucket, Amala drowsing in her arms, her eyes trained on her feet, shoulders hunched.
Her posture reminded me of myself when I’d been at his mercy.
The constant, obsessive lists I would make in my head.
Had I ironed his shirt with the crease just how he liked it in the sleeve?
Had I made the bed to his standard? Would he accuse me of overcooking the steak, even though it had barely touched the pan?
All those stupid little rules he’d created in the name of sending me dancing in circles, driving me mad trying to jump through the never-ending hoops he tossed before me.
I had been so busy trying to remember everything on the list, I never stopped to ask myself why I was bothering – at least not until it was far too late to get out.
Was Jade making a plan for what she would do to placate him if he discovered us here? She was clearly lost in her thoughts. The only sign that she was on high alert was her hand moving in swift circles against Amala’s shoulder, comforting herself more than the baby, I suspected.
I, on the other hand, couldn’t keep remotely still.
I paced like a caged leopard back and forth beside the workbench, clambering onto my stool to peer out of the narrow rectangular window every few minutes before hopping down to resume my agitated pacing.
I was filled with the primal urge to flee before the opportunity was gone.
How long would it take before he found us?
Would he look out here? Or, I thought, biting my thumbnail and tasting the dirt embedded beneath it, would he for once give up, assume we’d convinced one another to make a run for safety?
Why weren’t we running for safety? This was ridiculous!
I chewed my nail, my gaze flitting between Jade and the window, trying to see if there was any movement inside the house.
I’d locked the front door, I knew I had, but a lock had never stopped him before.
I suddenly remembered how Jade had left it unlocked her first night here.
What if she’d been out there today and I hadn’t checked it?
The side gate was wide open anyway, and the back door too, where we’d rushed out in a panic.
We didn’t stand a chance. He was coming, and it was too fucking late to do anything about it!
Why hadn’t I left a week ago? I’d known who this woman was from the day she arrived, known exactly the danger she posed in even setting foot inside my house.
From the second she’d walked through the front gate, it had been inevitable that he would come, for her and for me.
If I hadn’t been so scared of leaving the house, I could have saved myself.
But I’d wasted time. I’d tried to talk myself out of the imminent danger.
Once again I’d been given an opportunity to stand up for myself, make myself proud, and instead had transformed instantly into a deer in headlights, a victim rather than a fighter.
He would kill me this time.
The realisation was like a bucket of iced water to the face.
He would never give me the chance to get one over on him again.
He would end my life, heedless of any consequences he might face.
He’d once whispered to me, in the dead of night, while he thought I was sleeping, that he almost wished I would try and leave.
‘I dream of it sometimes,’ he’d said in his gravelly voice – the voice I’d once thought was the sexiest thing on the planet – as he pressed his chest to my curved spine.
‘You leaving me… the hunt…’ He chuckled in the dark.
‘I would destroy you, you know. You wouldn’t walk away. ’
I tried to keep my breathing even, though I was sure he must know I was listening, aware of every word, the terrifying lullaby he crooned.
His huge hand slid up my naked hip, over my breast, coming to rest gently on my throat.
He didn’t even need to tighten his fingers for the shiver to chase down my spine, my bowels churning as I clenched every muscle in my body, fighting the blind terror he stirred up within me.
‘It’s not even because I love you so much I want you for myself,’ he admitted.
‘I don’t. I never did. But I own you. You’re my little slave, Annie.
You don’t get to leave until I decide I’ve had enough.
’ He laughed again, pleased with himself, then grabbed my hand, forcing me to roll towards him.
I kept my eyes screwed tightly shut, but he increased the pressure on my wrist until I thought it might snap in two, and with a gasp, I opened them, staring into his malevolent black irises.
In the darkness, his ebony skin was barely visible, but the white slash of his teeth showed the wide smile on his face.
‘Ah,’ he breathed, almost sensually, ‘so you’re awake. That’s good.’
I didn’t dare to speak, to say a word in my defence. I could tell he didn’t expect me to. Somewhere deep down, a tiny voice screamed at me to fight back. To claw and slap and scream until I either got free or he put an end to this miserable excuse for a life. But I was silent. Just as I always was.
He smirked, the pressure on my wrist easing, and I held my breath, hoping he would roll over and go to sleep.
Instead, he eased himself onto his back, propping one muscular arm beneath his head and yanking me on top of him.
‘Now,’ he said, danger lacing his voice, daring me to refuse, ‘ride me like the little whore you and I both know you are.’ He let go of my wrist, perfectly relaxed in the smug knowledge that I wouldn’t fight, wouldn’t refuse.
I looked up at the ceiling, cringing at the feel of him as he shoved upwards against me, and as he invaded my body, I tasted bile in the back of my throat and wished I was brave enough to end this. End him .
The workshop seemed to be closing in around me as I tried to shake off the memory I’d long since suppressed.
My heart was racing, and I found myself gasping for air that wouldn’t come, my throat narrowing in panic.
I bent double, my hand cramping around the axe I couldn’t bring myself to put down, the fingers of my free hand digging into my knees, bruising hard, as I choked against the dust-filled air that did nothing to calm me.
There was a ringing in my ears that was growing louder, and I knew that if it didn’t stop, I would faint… I would die!
‘Shush! Do you have any idea how noisy you’re being?’ Jade snapped, and I turned to meet her furious eyes.
‘I… I can’t… help it,’ I spluttered. ‘I’m having a panic attack!’ I gripped my throat, my head spinning. I couldn’t wait here. I had to find a way to get free! I spun, rushing for the door, the axe raised high above my head as I prepared to swing it, heedless of the commotion it would cause.
And then Jade was standing in front of me, blocking my escape, her calm eyes meeting mine. She reached out and prised the axe from my aching hand, simultaneously shifting her drowsing daughter into my arms. ‘Hold her,’ she whispered gently. ‘Breathe with her.’
The relief was instantaneous. It was as if this warm, soft baby, her eyes closed, her chest moving steadily up and down, her breath escaping in contented little puffs, had flipped a switch.
The frantic thrum of my heartbeat in my ears began to fade, and I clung to her as if she were a lifebuoy in the middle of a thrashing ocean.
I couldn’t fall apart, not when her safety, her very existence, was at stake. I closed my eyes, letting the panic seep slowly away, my trembling fingers the only remaining clue to how close I’d come to the edge of reason.
Jade gave a short nod, as if she had known it would work, then took up her place on the bucket again, returning to her thoughtful state.
‘What will we do?’ I said softly. ‘When he comes?’
She shook her head, refusing to offer up an answer.
‘Do you think he will look here?’ I pushed.
I longed to hear her own experiences with him, to understand if he was still the monster I’d escaped.
Maybe he loved her in a way he’d never managed with me…
maybe he would be more forgiving. Maybe he’d see me holding his daughter, and his fatherly instincts would get the better of his vindictive desire for revenge.
But then I remembered the sick look of pleasure on his face when he thought he’d risked my pregnancy, and knew it was impossible.
A man who’d stooped that low could never come back.
He wouldn’t be able to survive his own guilt if ever he tried to become a better man. It was easier not to.
‘He’ll look everywhere,’ she murmured. ‘Military men never leave a stone unturned.’ She spoke so quietly it was as if she’d forgotten she was answering my question.
I frowned. ‘Ryan wasn’t in the mil—’ I broke off as I caught a glint of claret liquid on the floor beneath the bucket.
My eyes travelled up the leg of Jade’s jeans to where bright red blood pooled at her crotch.
‘You’re bleeding!’ I cried, forgetting for a moment to keep my voice down.
Now that I really looked, her face was far paler than it had been earlier, and there was a clammy sheen to her freckled skin.
She shook her head as if it was of no consequence.
I had wondered if she might be suffering with mastitis earlier in the week, but now I realised it had been something much worse.
‘Jade,’ I asked urgently, ‘how long have you been bleeding?’
She shrugged, shifting the axe onto her lap. ‘I haven’t stopped yet – since the birth.’
‘But it’s been six weeks!’ I spluttered. ‘And that’s a lot of blood!’
‘It wasn’t as bad as this… It got worse today. It’s the stress. I’m sure that’s all.’
I shook my head, holding her daughter, wondering why she hadn’t mentioned it.
It explained why she’d been using the washing machine so often.
Twice I’d come down to find her bedsheets already hanging on the line, a smell of bleach lingering in the air as if they’d been soaked before she’d thrown them in the machine.
I’d assumed Amala had had a leaky nappy, or Jade’s milk had let down, but now I realised it had likely been blood.
‘You have to go to the hospital. There could be a piece of retained placenta causing it, not to mention an infection.’
‘I’m fine .’
‘Jade,’ I whispered urgently, ‘I’m serious! You’re going to make yourself ill. These things can turn nasty very quickly.’
She closed her eyes as if she could block out my words, and frustration swelled in my belly. ‘For goodness’ sake—’ I broke off as a deep male voice called out.
‘Hello?’
I gasped, and Jade’s eyes flashed wide open.
She pressed her finger to her lips, gesturing frantically with her free hand for me to pass Amala to her.
Legs shaking, I moved towards her, but I knocked against a pile of planks balanced against the wall and watched horror-struck as they toppled to one side.
In that split second, I had to choose between grabbing them before they collided with the stone floor and keeping my hold on the baby.
I squeezed my eyes shut as they clattered to the ground, the sound deafening in the silence.
I held my breath, unmoving, praying that he had somehow missed it, that he was already in the house, creeping through the corridors, hoping to catch us.
Slowly, I opened my eyes, staring intently at the door.
From across the lawn, I heard the familiar creak of the back door opening wider, and for a second, hope filled my chest. He hadn’t heard; he was going into the house!
I bit down on the inside of my cheek, silently begging to be spared, just as Amala let out a high-pitched bellow, startled by the noise – or unsettled by my own terror.
There was a bang as the back door was slammed shut, and then heavy footsteps sounded on the paved path, heading in our direction.