Chapter 11 Amick #2
“What happened between you two in the hot spring?”
Riven leans away from me and resumes his eating like I didn’t ask a question, while Thayla stares down at her food as if it offended her.
“Was a relationship or this situation’s conversation had?” Kyzen, who’s been living in his own head, finally mediates.
His question has Thayla sighing.
“Both.”
“Which do I need to be more concerned about?”
“This situation’s conversation.”
We, except for Thayla, focus on Riven. He shrugs.
“I believe the conversations went well.”
The dishes rattle on the table with the force of Thayla’s fist. My heart pinches painfully at the distress in her features. The gloss building over her irises makes the colors fracture intensely.
“I’ve kept my word. You’ve eaten and I haven’t said anything. I’m three seconds from it if you don’t do it on your own.”
“Riven,” Kyzen warns.
His mouth opens and closes repeatedly. He can’t decide whether to face her or us.
Finally, he faces no one.
He lets his lids drift closed as he splays his hands across the table.
“I fucked with the Binding, after V and the Veilatara blocked the power. Amick’s essence was woven through it.”
My eyebrows bunch together as I stare at him. My mind can’t line up how he could do that, how he would’ve had time to do that, or why he would’ve done that. I’ve spent the last two days racking my brain with every possibility and answer.
I’ve denied both our involvement countlessly.
The most reasonable and realistic answer was that the Goddess of Seduction and our father lied. I’m the weakest link, the only one without a defensive power, and I was the easiest to pick off. My brothers would’ve had to go to our father’s house to save me.
Essentially, walk into a trap.
“What the fuck did you do exactly? And why did you involve Amick at all?” Kyzen shouts, but my heart hammers in my ears, muffling its true volume.
“Why me, Riven? Why do you always choose me to pick on and put in these situations?”
I tried to keep my tone inquisitive and calm. Instead, my hurt slipped through.
Realistically, I know my brother will always tease me. It’s in his nature, and at times, it’s lighthearted.
This, though, is too far.
I told myself he jumped in front of me because he knew…he knew I wouldn’t survive being taken.
I thought he was protecting me.
Unlike them, I don’t truly pose any benefit to my father. I’d once again be his toy, he could beat and torture, then lock away when he was done.
“I swear to the Valories, Amick, it wasn’t like that this time. I wasn’t singling you out. It was definitely an impulsive decision, and I followed what my power was pushing me to do. I really can’t explain it better than that.”
“You explained nothing just now.” Creed growls.
Riven tightens his lips and meets my stare. With a snap of his fingers, a torch lamp lands on the table. I sigh and stare at the ceiling.
“This is why I’ll never tell you the whole truth of why I’m obsessed with them. You taunt me with them.”
A small gasp slips through Thayla’s lips as her eyes bounce between us.
Chaos, his not hers, floats through the air faster than I can say anything to her. A blast strong enough to freeze my next breath follows that first wave.
“So…yeah. This isn’t really a torch lamp.”
Thayla’s, Creed’s, and Kyzen’s chairs go tumbling back as they stand from the table, all shouting at once.
I stare at the Goddess of Seduction’s Binding in his hands.
This is why I couldn’t stay in my room longer than a few minutes.
I felt unsettled, like power that wasn’t my own was surrounding me.
“What did you do?”
“Like I said, I don’t know how to explain it. I had the intention of holding it while soaking up the power surrounding it. Maybe pee on it before handing it over. When I got here and tried to put it on the table, I couldn’t.
“I thought maybe my little—okay, pretty sweet—power boost was fucking with me, but then I became overwhelmed with the need to keep it. In the few seconds I spent thinking about that, I kind of just became obsessed with the notion. Like, fuck them, you know? They don’t deserve this.
“Next thing I knew, I was standing in your room, in front of your torch lamps. My Chaos shifted what the Binding looked like while your torch lamp took its shape. I came out of your room, put it on the table, and told myself if it was still in that shape when I got done with my shower, then this was the plan.”
The blood in my veins runs cold, freezing me in the moment.
There’s a heartbeat of silence before the rest of our Valtrue flip out. Creed’s shouting what an idiot he is. Kyzen’s bellowing about how he could’ve got himself killed. Thayla’s doing a little of both.
My voice doesn’t rise above a whisper, but it silences them all.
“What did you do?”
“Uh, I just told you. Like I said, I know it was impulsive, a little unpredictable, but it’s pretty impressive if you ask me. Have any of you noticed cool shit you can do now?”
“Cool shit,” I mimic low. The words taste foul on my tongue. “You believe being impulsive makes you clever, but it makes you dangerous. So incredibly dangerous. Every time you act blindly, someone bleeds for it.”
“Oh, come on, Amick. They would’ve had to kill me to get to you.”
My chair goes flying behind me as I stand.
“It isn’t just about me. You don’t get to risk yourself, Riven! Not when—”
I silence my shouting.
My chest rises and falls two breaths while I rein it in. Without another word, I march to my door. I ignore the calls of my name falling from their lips. I have nothing to say.
I need to think.
There’s so much to think about now.
As soon as I pass through my threshold, I place my palm on my door and strip their permission to enter.
“Amick.”
“No.”
I can’t truly block Verlet out, but I can present my boundary and believe he won’t cross it.
The books and scrolls on my desk have been in those spots for two days now. I roll or close each one, then place them in a more organized fashion.
Then I sink into my chair.
What does this mean now?
If the fake Binding wasn’t in Seductions, then she and our father are now aware they’ve been fooled.
If it was, then their suspicions of why nothing has come from its destruction are heightening.
It’s a matter of time before they figure out the truth.
Then they’ll prepare their retaliation.
Will that be on us directly? Godsden? The Godsdawn? The lower regions?
What consequences do we prepare to face?
Do we tell the God of Chaos?
If we do, he may be obligated to tell them. Or he may demand we give it to him, then we don’t know what he may do with it.
Do we leave it alone, or do we attempt to get more power out of it now that it’s in our possession?
How can a plan work out the way you intended and also go completely wrong?
Even with all the power in my veins and knowledge in my mind, how do I keep them from him?
I run through the sequence of events.
I should’ve known he was up to something when he asked to hold the Binding. In my power-pumped mind, he, like myself, was bathing in the feeling of growing a little fuller.
A touch closer to whole.
This is my fault.
I pushed Thayla to embrace this.
I didn’t predict this.
I didn’t protect him.
Now what?
I need to reread the agreement made on our behalf. We may still be in our infancy compared to our father and the other Beginning Gods’ ages, but nonetheless, we’re grown. There must be something in there that strips his permitted access to us.
“Candyman…”
My dry lids blink repeatedly. It isn’t until they’ve chased away the searing burn that I can see Thayla, sitting in the chair across from me.
“How did you get in here?”
“I walked in after you didn’t answer my knock.”
She most certainly means knocking.
I don’t correct her.
Obviously, when I stripped the permission for the others to enter, my subconscious—maybe my soul or power—didn’t extend that to her.
“What can I do for you?”
She studies me, and I fight the fidget crawling through my skin.
“The others have called it a night, and I waited as long as I could allow myself to before coming to check on you.”
“How long has it been?”
Her eyes crinkle at the corners, and a frown pulls her lips down.
“A while, Amick.”
That’s not as definite as I’d like, but alas, she doesn’t have the power to always know the time.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not. You were just sitting—”
“I said I am fine, Thayla.”
She presses her lips together tightly, and so do I. I scold myself for how harsh that sounded.
“I’m sorry for my tone.”
“It’s okay.”
We drift into a silent stare-off.
She came in here for something other than to check on me. It’s clear that I’m here, breathing, yet she isn’t budging from that seat.
“Everything feels so…heavy because you care. It’s scary when someone you care about is in trouble. Then it’s even scarier to think about the aftermath.”
That’s what that calculating look is. She’s attempting to profile my emotions.
“It’s illogical for my care for each of you to cloud my ability to think clearly and process the plan for the aftermath.”
“It’s not illogical. It’s natural to—”
“It’s not natural for me.” My fingers flex as I gather myself. That was the second time I’ve cut her off, and it’s only going to get worse. “I’d like to be alone now.”
“Amick…”
“Please.”
I place my hands on my armrest to push myself up, but she jumps from her seat faster.
“I can let myself out.”
Everything that just went wrong with that whole interaction races through my mind as she slams my door.
The glass casings around my torch lamps rattle together, and my attention zeroes in on them. I can’t decide if I’d rather get up, go after her, and apologize, or shatter each one of those haunting reminders sitting on my shelf.
I do neither.
My spine straightens as I lace my fingers together on my desk again, and I fall back into the overwhelming abyss of my thoughts.