Chapter 12 Thayla
Thayla
The cushion shifts beside me, making me lose my count of the spines on our bookshelves for the umpteenth time.
My eyes blink back into focus. The sun was in the sky when I started my counting. Now the stain glass windows are dark.
This…sitting around is getting to me.
“Where are you going?”
Kyzen turns back to me as he runs his hand through his hair and down his neck. The smile he gives me makes my jaw lock together.
“I’m going to call it a night and head to bed.”
“To bed? Your bed? Again?”
His gaze drops to the ground just as my feet hit the floor. I sling the plush blanket I’ve been sleeping with—on the fucking couch—away. We both flinch the slightest bit as it crashes into the lamp.
“I’m sorry. I swear, I’m fine, we’re fine. I…need a little time.”
I release a deep breath as I rub my temples and calm the instant spike in my frustration.
“You keep saying that you’re fine, but you aren’t acting like you’re fine. Just because you smile at me when you say it doesn’t make it the truth. It doesn’t make what happened vanish.”
His lips drop the facade, and a range of emotions crosses his face and my soul.
“Kyzen…”
“I’ll see you in the morning.”
Before I can utter another word, he disappears through his door, and I snatch at my roots. The urge to flip the fucking couch burns through my blood as I turn, staring at the empty, quiet house.
Instead of giving in to that desire, I stomp to my room.
The emptiness makes my nose burn.
Him staying on the couch longer than the rest led me into a false sense that—finally—someone would stay with me instead of hiding away in their room. Obviously, I was fucking wrong.
Four days.
Four days of silence, walking on eggshells, snippy remarks, sleeping on the couch, and darkening gazes.
I’ve tried not to make this about me because it’s painfully clear the guys are struggling. More than that, I know this is the first time they’ve ever had to face someone while confronting their trauma head-on.
Me. I’m the someone.
I throw my curtains open and command the lights to blaze before heading out the back door. I step past the threshold and drop onto my ass.
The light from my room doesn’t reach the tree line, but it’s enough that with my back to the door, I can see. It’s not so bright that it hides the stars, though.
I’d rather be flying through the night sky than staring at it.
It dawned on me today that the first time we went to the Abandon—when Seismet hinted they wanted space—they truly did. They needed time to brace themselves before facing me.
This time is deeper. Too close to home. And with no escape beyond their rooms, they hide there so I can’t watch them break.
I still feel it. Every ounce.
It pounds against my chest like a fist hitting stone.
This distance is breaking me too.
I’m torn between wanting to be close and knowing they need space. I crave their touch, yet I don’t initiate it because their gazes stay more disassociated than focused. I don’t want to startle them.
I’m desperate to tell them what the Goddess of Seduction planned to do with me, but I’m afraid it’d send not only Riven, but all of them, spiraling further.
The silence is driving me insane.
The day after we returned, I sent Lambrit a letter saying we were home and asked for some time before he came by.
Less than an hour later, there was a knock at the door. I was sure he’d ignored me—I even told the guys that as I marched to answer it.
It wasn’t Lambrit.
It was Gladian.
Shock froze me for a heartbeat. Then the guys surrounded me.
Creed had a sword drawn in a blink, with Amick and Riven at his back. Kyzen hauled me into the kitchen and planted himself in front of me, ready for whoever might come through the house.
He didn’t lower his guard until the other three appeared alone.
Gladian had been sent with a letter from the High Chancellor, relieving us of our duties for a week, plus a report for Creed.
The report was short. Everyone who left made it back alive.
Something we already knew.
And Mellcom…
He told Gladian the Goddess of Seduction locked him in a room off that single hallway. She’d check on him randomly, bring food, offer a feeder—that he doesn’t need—then would leave him be.
He was restrained but not like Riven.
Some kind of barrier kept him from using his power and opening the door. When she drained the Chamber and starshot the fighters in, the restraint on the room lifted.
He told Gladian he didn’t try to escape because he heard the commotion and knew it had to be us.
When he tackled her to…save me…she starshot him back into the room before disappearing. He ran out again but straight into guards and had to fight his way back to us.
His injuries weren’t life-threatening, but they were bad enough to need serious healing.
Two black eyes. A busted lip. A dislocated shoulder. Bruises everywhere. A deep gash down his leg.
Valories. I still can’t believe he tackled a Beginning God for me.
I press my palms into my eyes and force him from my thoughts. I have four other men consuming all my space, and I’m not ready to make room for him too.
“Geez, you scared me. I didn’t expect you to be sitting here.”
I suck in a startled gasp as Yemi’s voice reaches me before she walks out of the darkness.
“Fuck, you just made a cold sweat break out across my whole-ass body, Yemi. Are you naturally that damn quiet or is it your power?”
I lay my hand on my chest to calm my racing heart when she takes a seat on the ground beside me.
“My power. You scared me just as bad, for your information. I was coming to knock. What the hell are you doing out here?”
“I wanted a breath of fresh air, but it’s too dark to go for a walk. If I sit right here at my door, light shines out here from my room.”
She hums as she tilts her head back to look. “I assume it’s still intense in there?”
“Intense isn’t even close to the word. You and Sevryn still not speaking either?”
Her cheeks redden, and I arch a brow. She’s been incredibly cagy about telling me what happened. This is the first time I’ve actually seen her, but the note we’ve been starshooting back and forth has been short on her end.
Every time I’ve asked if she wanted to talk about it or if she wanted company other than Sevryn, she stated she needed some time…alone.
Everyone wants to fucking be alone.
But me.
“Sevryn just tried to make me talk about what happened. I stormed off to my room, then starshot out here. Our tension is my fault, not his. Well, I mean, yeah, he’s acting very much out of character, but I’m making it worse. I literally can’t face him.”
I give her a minute to gather the courage to keep speaking. I don’t push or really even breathe that hard.
I’m so thankful she showed up unannounced. I won’t be doing anything to scare her off.
“I begged him to fuck me,” she spits out, running her hands over her face before her wide eyes turn to me.
My jaw drops.
“I’m sorry, like just a minute ago or?”
“Please don’t pick. I’ve got to get this off my chest before I crawl into a hole and die. I need to vent judgment free.”
“I swear to the Valories I’m not picking and never in a million years would I judge you. I was genuinely shocked. That was the first question that came to mind.”
She huffs and scootches her body around until her knees press into my side. I mimic her movements until we’re facing one another fully.
“I was so drained when we walked into the Chamber, and I was gripping what little strength I had left so when we needed to starshoot, I could. I didn’t expect the power in there to hit me so hard.
“The second we walked in, it assaulted me, and I…” Her face scrunches in pure mortification. “I threw myself at him. Literally. Arms wrapped around his neck, legs around his waist, and kissed him faster than he could even react.
“Gods…he backed us up until we hit a door and he took us into a room. When he put me down on my feet, I tried my hardest to strip my armor off. I didn’t even notice he was busy killing the people we barged in on.
“He kept trying to talk to me, telling me to snap out of it, but I couldn’t. I just kept begging him to…ugh, for the Valories. The things that came out of my mouth. The things I actually said out loud that I wanted to do to him. Then I started sobbing when he kept telling me no.”
The tremble in her tangled fingers is vicious, and her face is scarlet as though she fell asleep in the sun for hours. She won’t look at me.
“Not at all trying to make this about me, but the Goddess of Seduction made me moan. Like out loud. I thought I was going to have an orgasm.”
Her head whips back up fast as lightening and her eyes widen.
“What?”
“Yep. She wrapped me up in a rope of her power, made me moan, and my eyes rolled to the back of my head. My power was completely useless against her.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. I didn’t say that to lessen what you went through, but to let you know, you weren’t the only one of us affected by her or that power. It was so strong I’m surprised we all didn’t react far, far worse.”
“That helps a little, actually. I didn’t witness anything that happened. After I threw myself at Sevryn’s feet, he picked me up, moved me to a far corner in the room, and told me to stay there. I was so delusional I just kept sobbing that he was leaving me and didn’t want me.
“Finally, when I guess she sucked up all the Seduction out of the air, my mind cleared, and I was completely mortified at myself. I tried to get out of the room, but he somehow had locked the door. When he opened it to get me out, I couldn’t even look at him.
“I was so embarrassed with myself, his rejections, the whole situation. Fuck, I still am. It was hard enough listening to him shut me down like that. There’s no way I can face him saying it to me while I have a clear head.”
She blows out a harsh breath and my eyes narrow on her.
“Yemi, be so fucking for real right now.”
Her head jerks and her scowl matches my own.
“What is that supposed to mean?”