Chapter 34 Thayla #3
“I’ve got something that tastes even sweeter than that, little burden.”
I contemplate throwing my coffee on him for a split second.
“You’re the only being who can release power from the Binding.”
The thoughts of scalding Riven freeze in my mind as my neck slowly turns back to Amick.
“Excuse me?”
His shoulders slump as he first sets his mug down on the side table, then drags the ottoman toward me.
My eyes stalk his every move.
He laces his fingers together and mine literally start to tremble. Even those that Kyzen’s still gripping, shake.
“When your power came out in the Court, you were channeling the power of the God of Consequence. When you destroyed your bathroom, Derivius. Turning that man to ash was the God of Obliteration. You don’t have any extra power from him. You know that, though, don’t you, Mysenta?”
The ringing in my ears doesn’t block out the sound of my heart pounding or the heavy breaths falling from my chest. The longer I stare into his understanding, citrine eyes, the louder it all gets.
The weight of the truth behind his words crashes through me with more force than the current of the Lost Sea did.
I can’t do anything but vibrate and nod.
“You’ve been denying it in your minds, waiting for V, Seismet, or me to tell you something else, prove you wrong.”
Tears well in my eyes and again, words escape me.
“Every time your power has shown itself, something negative, in your opinion, has followed. Turning that man to ash was so extreme, the only justification you could make for it was to believe our father gave you extra power. You tried to convince yourself that, then because of that, your solution was to ignore the fact you have any power. If you ignored it hard enough, then it would lessen your fear of becoming the very thing you despise. A powerful god.”
“Amick,” Kyzen says, but Amick shakes his head.
“She has to face it. She’s going to face it, right here and now so we can support her.”
I jerk my head. For what reason, I don’t know, other than I need to move my body to relieve some of the pressure building in me.
What’s bubbling beneath my surface, though, isn’t my power.
It’s worse.
It’s my emotions.
The words—the truth—claw at my throat, demanding release.
I can’t run from it anymore.
“I know…”
“What do you know, Thayla?”
“I have a touch of all seven Beginning Gods’ powers.”
“When did you know that for sure? Not assumed but knew.”
“That day Riven helped me starshoot. He…” I dare a look over at him. He’s staring at me wide-eyed, but I’m not going to tell our secret.
I know he felt the truth too.
“He touched seven spots across my body. When he told me to tell my power to go to those spots and spread, it did. It went to each spot equally. No single place had more or less than any other. When I appeared at the hot spring like he told me to, I just knew. I could feel it.”
“Why haven’t you wanted to acknowledge this or directly bring it up?”
I close my eyes as my first tear slips free.
“Because I didn’t want it to be true.”
“Why?”
Hot coffee sloshes over my hand, drawing a hiss from my lips. The porcelain doesn’t have time to smash into the floor as Kyzen slows down time, then plucks the mug out of the air. He collects all the floating liquid, then sets the mug down.
My eyes scan the room as the rest of our Valtrue sit nearly frozen in time. If I watch closely, I can catch minuscule movements.
“Are you okay?” His words barely rise above a breath.
“No.”
“No because of the coffee or because of what he’s asking you to admit?”
“What he’s asking me to admit.”
He blows out a breath and nods.
“I know it’s hard opening up, and I hate feeling like we’re forcing you to do that right now, but at the same time, I know how much it helps to. Obviously, this is different, but I’ve felt like a new man since the moment I told you what I did about my past.
“Being able to tell you all of that, and you turn around and not reject me or be disgusted by me was more freeing than I can explain. None of us are going to reject you, abandon you, or have any negative emotion toward you for whatever you want to say.
“If you want to let it all fall out, we’ll sit quietly and listen. If you want him to keep asking questions, and you answer as he goes, then that’s fine too. Please believe me, though, when I say nothing you say is going to upset us.”
A watery, tearful breath escapes me, and I turn to face him. He cups my cheek, gently wiping the water away, and I lean into his touch.
“Do you promise?”
“I promise.”
I nod. “Okay.”
His power gradually pulls away from me, and as it slides off his brothers, they all jump as though they were trying to catch my coffee. Their furious stares pivot toward him, but then back to me when I clear my voice.
“I wasn’t trying to hide this. I was torn.
Part of me really did think he gave me extra power and that scared the hell out of me.
Then when I thought harder about the other ways my power had come out, it didn’t make the most sense.
I desperately wanted to cling onto the hope that I was wrong in both cases and that like most everything that surrounds me, my power was just weird. There’re multiple reasons why.
“Despite what I know now about my parents knowing about this, it still feels like a betrayal. Regardless of whatever they decided to do and listen to the Valories or whoever about, they did have a grand dislike for the gods. Anytime they spoke of them, it was poorly. I can’t help but worry, one day, if I ever see them again, they’re going to be disappointed that not only am I a god, I’m a powerful one, in a very powerful Valtrue.
“That’s another reason why. I can’t trust myself to be powerful.
My fuze is shorter than my pinky nail, and as often as I believe some of these gods need a reality check, I’d never really want my anger to hurt someone who was undeserving of that.
My thoughts can be quite disturbing sometimes and knowing I have the power to turn people to ash at my fingertips is a petrifying temptation.
“I fear the responsibility that comes along with having power. I, selfishly, don’t want to be in service to the realm forever.
I don’t want to give back to the beings who took so much and landed us all in the situation we’re in now.
I feel like acknowledging and harnessing my power is going to put me in the situation for the gods to use me more and I refuse it.
“In my mind, accepting and harnessing these powers means I’m grateful that the gods finally released them to me and that’s taurnshit.
The beings of the realm should’ve had their Valories given power this entire time.
They should’ve been mine all along. I should’ve had them every day in Oddian so I could’ve protected myself.
“I never should’ve been tied to that post, helpless.
I shouldn’t have been beaten to within an inch of my life on countless occasions.
I shouldn’t have had to pick myself up and act like it never happened because I was clinging to a dream that wasn’t even real.
I should’ve seen that their love wasn’t love.
It was control because they had the power to hold it over me.
I never should’ve let that fucker touch me just so I could feel something other than pain.
I should’ve had these fucking powers when I needed them, not when the gods decided they needed me to have them. ”
A strangled gasp barrels up my throat, and I cover my mouth with my hands as I sob.
Embarrassment and revulsion war with relief and freedom in my body, and I can’t decide which side I want to lean into.
My heart feels too heavy to sit in my chest.
Creed strokes the strand between us, beckoning it to him, but I pull back. My soul begs me to let its restraint go, but I can’t. I grip onto it with all my might so I don’t make him or them feel like they have to comfort or soothe me right now.
No sooner do I tug my soul back than he lifts me off the couch and my face buries itself into his neck as he sits in my spot.
“Don’t you ever try to keep me from your soul again, Thayla Godrun. It’s as much mine as it is yours now, and if I want to coddle it to make you feel better, I damn well will.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
He presses his cheek against mine, lowering his voice. “Yeah, but I’m your asshole and you’re my endling. Mine.”
A shuddering breath rushes out of me as he lays a kiss to my cheek, then another set of hands grab ahold of me.
“I’m so sorry for pushing you. I never want to do that again.”
My fingers run patterns on the side of Amick’s neck. His erratic pulse vibrates through my fingernails, and my stream of tears soaks through his shirt.
“Always do it, Amick. Don’t keep letting me get away with running, even if it’s from myself.”
His harsh exhale fans a piece of my hair in my face and he slowly tucks it away.
“I will guide you forever. Just as you’ll keep guiding me.”
Instead of another set of hands grabbing me, Amick lifts me off his lap, turns me around, and sets me on Riven.
A tortured pair of mismatched eyes stares into my soul. One swirls blue, the other burgundy. Neither is more dominant than the other. My lids drift shut as he cups my cheeks.
“Don’t you dare.” A watery chuckle escapes me as he licks my damn tears.
“Not trying to make this about me or anything, but if you don’t stop all these tears, I’m either going to kill some people or pump so much power into you, you’re going to be seeing rainbows for a week. Please advise which way you’d like me to proceed.”
I open my eyes to meet his very serious gaze.
“Pump me full, my little psycho.”
A full smile takes over his face. “Little freak with a breeding kink.”
“Riv—”
I breathe the rest of his name as his power races through my blood.
Strangely enough, though, unlike the many times he’s done this now, I don’t feel delusional or giddy from his harmony.
I just…settle.
I move my legs from straddling him, to spreading out across his lap. His fingers find their way into my hair as he strokes the strands back, letting his power flow through me.
Subtle sighs come out of me every so often and the three others watch this unfold. Now that I see clearly and can focus on them, they each have a hint of murderous rage lingering in their eyes.
That shouldn’t make me as happy as it does.
“So.” I clear the thickness from my voice as they give me their undivided attention, and I turn my focus to Amick. “I guess you need to explain what I need to do about my powers and how I’m supposed to use them to release more from the Binding so you all can be as powerful as me.”
A beat of silence hangs in the air, then Kyzen’s snort breaks it.
That slip of a noise instantly rolls right into a full-blown laugh as he falls back into the couch.
Riven’s chest shakes, then his arms drape over my lap to hold me in place as his laughter bounces me around.
Amick’s lips curl into a small smile, just for me, and Creed attempts to hide his amusement behind the hand he has covering his mouth.
“I’ll tell you everything I know, but I have no doubt you’ll always be more powerful than us. It takes a lot to deal with the four of us, and you, our little anomaly, already have it figured out.”
Yeah…I think I do.