Riven
My brothers and I twiddle our fucking thumbs, waiting for our Binder to emerge from her room.
I’m not sure what’s taking her so long, but I’m going to need her to hurry it up. I want her perched on my lap while I play in her hair and she does fuck all nothing until dinner is ready.
Whenever that’s going to be.
“Creed—”
“Amick, if you tell me one more time to start cooking, I’m going to throw every fucking thing in the icebox away.”
I snicker behind my hand as his grumpy ass finally snaps.
Granted, that is like the third time Amick’s said some shit.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” he asks, pushing his luck.
“What are you in a rush for?”
“I’m not in a rush. I just wanted to eat at our normal time, then spend the rest of the night with Thayla. You’re pushing my plans out. The later we eat, the less time we have lying around with her.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Creed grunts, shoving himself up from the couch.
Knew that’d do it.
Amick should’ve started there.
I’ve learned my lesson. If I want dear ol’ Death to do something, I just bring her up first.
Works every time.
Kyzen and I grin at one another as he starts snatching shit out of the icebox and tossing pans around.
“I’ll go see what she’s up to.”
I jump to my feet.
“Allow me,” I say, holding my hand out to stop Kyzen. “You just make sure these two don’t kill one another.”
He smirks and rolls his eyes at me as he plops back down on the couch.
Creed glares at my laugh as I jog past him and make my way down Thayla’s hall.
My attention scans her empty room.
“Little burden. Come out, come out, wherever you are,” I singsong, then smirk at the small shriek that echoes from the bathroom.
“You scared the shit out of me,” she says as she emerges in nothing but a towel.
Her new hairdo is pulled up on the top of her head, and water still beads across her chest and hairline.
Perfection.
“Washing the day away, huh?”
“Trying to scald my skin off.” She shrugs and I chuckle.
“Talking with Iric wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“Actually, no. It was way better than expected, really. I just…” She glances over her shoulder toward her bathroom. “Needed to sit with everything we talked about. Think about some things a little more deeply.”
“Well, do you feel better or shall I go cut his heart out?”
She laughs as though I’m joking, so I chuckle as well.
I’m not joking.
I’m not sure how many sorrys that would take to get bestie unmad at me, but you know. My Binder’s feelings come first.
“No, I feel a lot better. Like I said, I just needed to sort of think about a few things a bit more.”
“Good. Then he can keep his organ.” I smile.
She returns the gesture, although I may have given it away that I was serious, judging by the way her lips pucker together a touch.
“I was just coming to check on you since it’s been forever now. Put some clothes on—or don’t—and come on out here with us,” I say, nodding toward the door.
“Riven, wait,” she says as I turn from her. I pivot back around, and my eyebrows scrunch together as she shifts from side to side.
My head tilts as I study her suddenly strange behavior.
“What’s the matter?”
“I…” She trails off and rubs her shoulder, all nervous like. “There’s nothing I could say that would make you say something like damn she’s crazy, right?”
I bust out laughing before I can help myself.
“Oh, absolutely. Plenty actually. But not like damn, we might need to take her to the healing villas kind of crazy. More so the shit that sounds unhinged and sexy. Like something I might say. You do call me a little psycho for a reason.”
“Right,” she says as she smirks and glances down at her feet.
“Where’s this coming from?”
“Well, do you remember—maybe you don’t. It was the heat of the moment—but maybe you do, I don’t know.”
“Thayla, spit it out. You’re rambling.”
She huffs at me.
“Do you remember that time we were having sex and you said you’d tie me up naked and whip my pretty little ass another time?”
My smirk fades and my body falls still.
Yes, I recall.
I was hoping she didn’t.
That scary, tempting little truth came out in the heat of the moment.
Like she said.
I clear my throat. “Yes.”
“Do…why do you want to do that to me?” she asks quietly, and my throat clogs.
“I don’t.” I thrash my head back and forth. “I don’t want to do that.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said and I didn’t mean it. Why are you bringing this up?” I snap.
Her mouth opens and closes as her stare bores into mine. I look away before she sees right through me.
“Because I want you to do that to me.”
My gaze jerks back to her and widens.
“What?”
“I want you to do it,” she repeats, softer this time, but there’s nothing uncertain about it.
My chest tightens.
“No.”
Her brows pull together. “You didn’t even think about it.”
“I have thought about it,” I bite out, dragging a hand through my hair as I take a step back from her. “That’s exactly why the answer is no.”
Silence stretches between us as I put my hands on my hips and breathe. Her intense gaze makes it harder to pull air into my lungs.
“I know you’d never hurt me,” she whispers.
“That’s not…” I sigh, closing my eyes. “Never. I’d sooner kill myself than harm you on purpose.”
“Then I don’t understand.”
“I—”
I can’t get the words out. I don’t even know where to begin explaining to her why I said that or why I even want to do that.
I don’t.
I don’t want to do that.
“He’s struggling with understanding what wanting to do that says about him. Therefore, he’s refusing to face that fear altogether.”
Her head snaps toward the doorway at the same time mine does and my pulse thunders in my ears as I meet Amick’s stare. Embarrassment hits me like a punch to the gut and heat crawls up the back of my neck.
“How much did you hear?”
“All of it.”
His tone is even as fucking always.
“Why the fuck were you listening to our conversation?” I snap.
“I was coming to check on you two and came in right when she asked if you remembered what you said. That brief exchange happened the night we told her we loved her, so if you didn’t recall, I was going to remind you.”
“I don’t need you to remind me of shit. I need you to get the fuck out.”
He frowns at me like, for the life of him, he can’t understand why.
“I don’t want to get out. I want to support both of you.”
“There’s nothing to support. Nothing is happening,” I shout.
“Well, why not?” He tilts his stupid fucking head and I grind my teeth. “You’re twisting this into something it’s not.”
“Don’t butt into this and pretend you know what you’re talking about.”
“I know that our Binder has come to you because she wants to reclaim her power and control over a shared experience the two of you had. She trusted you the most with this and she’s asking you to trust yourself.
Which you should. Especially after our moment in the meadow just now.
You are not her abusers, and you are not your own. ”
“If I’m not, then what the fuck does this say about me, Amick? If I want to do this to her, what makes me any fucking different?”
“For starters, the simple fact you’re even asking that. Do you think any of them asked themselves that before laying a whip against her skin? Do you think the Goddess of Seduction asked before she did it to you?”
I bow my shaking head and glare down at my feet.
Of course none of them asked themselves that.
“When you first said that to me, I knew there was a deeper meaning behind it, and the more I’ve thought about it, especially after today, I thought…”
My gaze flicks over to her and how she clenches her towel.
“Thought it was just a sick fantasy I had?” I ask.
“What? No.” She instantly argues, narrowing her brows as she shakes her head. “I thought you were trying to gain control as well, just in a different way than I was. I wanted to be put in that position but know that I have a say.”
“Not a say. The say. I’d never do anything to you that you wouldn’t want me to.”
I jerk my eyes from hers, instantly regretting that I corrected her. That sounded like agreement and admission that I want to do this to her.
“Riven, explain to her why you ever even brought this up,” Amick says softly. Too fucking soft. I hate that tone.
“I don’t fucking know why I did, and I don’t want to find out why.”
That’s the truth.
Not the clean version. Not the pretty one.
Just the truth.
Amick studies me for a long moment. It makes my damn scalp itch like he’s digging into my brain.
“Stop treating this like it’s something dark you need to bury deep,” he says. “Because that’s not what this is.”
I let out a breath through my nose. “It feels like it is.”
“That’s because you’re comparing it to what happened to you and her before. You’re taking a memory of abuse and trying to decide if you’re thinking or considering anything that looks similar. And if it does resemble, it must mean the same thing.”
My jaw tightens, but I don’t interrupt him.
“Let me be clear. What was done to both of you before was punishment. It was one-sided, there was no consent, and you had no control over it. That’s what made it harm.”
His gaze flicks between us now, and my eyes move over to her. We stay staring at one another.
“What she’s asking for now isn’t punishment. It’s not harm. It’s not even about you inflicting pain in the way you keep framing it. It’s about you taking something that used to represent loss of control and turning it into something she is choosing, fully and willingly, with you.”
My throat tightens when she doesn’t look away from me. She doesn’t correct him or even flinch from his words.
He keeps going, like he needs me to actually hear what he’s saying.
“That doesn’t make you the person who hurt you.
And it doesn’t make you like the people who hurt her.
Because the defining factor isn’t what you’re doing.
It’s whether you both have consent in this.
If either of you can stop it at any time and you both respect that decision, then it’s not the same thing. ”