Chapter 17 #2
She touched her fingers to her lips, still able to feel the phantom pressure of his mouth on hers. Her entire body felt restless, yearning for something she couldn’t quite name. Or maybe she could name it, but was too scared to admit it even to herself.
She wanted Seth. Not just physically, though heaven knew that was becoming increasingly urgent.
She wanted him in her life. She wanted to wake up knowing he’d be there.
She wanted to share breakfast and discuss the day ahead, and have the right to reach for his hand whenever she needed that connection.
Which was absolutely terrifying, because she’d known him for less than a week.
Petra rolled onto her side, hugging a pillow to her chest. Through the open window, she could hear the distant sounds of the estate at night—a night bird calling, the whisper of wind through leaves.
Somewhere out there, Seth was making his rounds, checking security, keeping watch over the castle and everyone in it.
Keeping watch over her.
Did he think about their kisses while he worked? Or had he already compartmentalized it, filed it away as a pleasant interlude that didn’t interfere with his professional responsibilities?
Petra squeezed her eyes shut against the doubt that crept in.
She’d spent so many years playing it safe, avoiding anything that might lead to disappointment.
Her few previous relationships had been carefully controlled affairs with men who fit neatly into her organized life.
Men who never made her feel this overwhelming rush of emotion and desire and terrifying hope.
Men who’d ultimately left her feeling relief rather than heartbreak when things ended.
Seth was different. Everything about his presence in her life was different. The intensity, the speed, the way he looked at her like she was brave and beautiful. Like she was someone special instead of just a mousy librarian who’d stumbled into an inheritance she didn’t want.
But what if she was reading too much into it? What if Seth was just being kind to a client who happened to be attracted to him? He was probably used to women falling for him. How could they not, when he looked like that, and moved like he did, and kissed like a dream?
Maybe this was just part of the service. Maybe he flirted with civilians on every job, kept things professional but friendly, and moved on without a backward glance when the mission ended. The thought made her heart ache.
Petra sat up, abandoning any pretense of sleep. She moved to the window, looking out over the darkened grounds. The gardens were beautiful in moonlight, silver and shadow painting everything in shades of mystery.
She caught a glimpse of movement near the tree line.
It was a golden shape that might have been a large dog, except she knew it wasn’t.
It was Seth, in his jackal form, making another patrol circuit.
Even from this distance, even in animal form, she recognized something about the way he moved. Confident. Purposeful. Protective.
Her heart did that annoying flutter thing it seemed to do whenever she thought about him.
This was more than just attraction, she realized.
More than just gratitude for his help or admiration for his competence.
Somewhere in the chaos of the past few days, she’d started falling for him.
Really falling, in the terrifying, no-going-back kind of way.
And she had absolutely no idea if he felt the same.
He’d said he’d never felt like this before.
That if she was ridiculous, he was too. Those words had meant everything in the moment, but now, alone in her room with doubt creeping in, Petra wondered if he’d just been saying what she needed to hear.
Had he been kind because that’s what he did?
He took care of people, made them feel safe, and said the right things at the right time.
The jackal disappeared into the shadows of the trees, and Petra felt the loss of even that distant connection to him. She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly cold despite the mild night air.
“Stop it,” she whispered to herself. “You’re spiraling.”
But she couldn’t help it. Her mind kept presenting worst-case scenarios.
Seth finishing this job and moving on to the next one, leaving her with nothing but memories of a few stolen kisses.
Seth realizing she wasn’t actually that interesting once the immediate danger passed.
Seth meeting someone else—someone brave and competent and beautiful who belonged in his world of danger and excitement. Someone who wasn’t her.
Petra pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window. She was being ridiculous. Seth had kissed her like she mattered. Had held her like she was precious. He’d looked at her with heat and tenderness and something that felt like genuine affection.
But was it enough? Was it real? Or was she just a convenient, lonely woman who’d needed comfort and happened to be attractive enough to catch his attention?