9. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
M y alarm went off at five. During the week I’d been staying with my sister, I’d calculated not only what waking time would get me into the bathroom before the queue began, but also the time it took for my puffy, tear-stained eyes to return to normal.
All week Cass and Jasper had been complimenting my inner strength, how well I was coping. What they didn’t see were the tear-mangled tissues I flushed down the toilet before they woke up, or how I packed my pillow away before anyone noticed how damp it was.
The truth was, I wasn’t coping. I felt like a small boat lost in a vast ocean, caught in fog, with a storm brewing on the horizon, and a shark circling. The worst thing was being stuck in limbo. With no official separation from Rob, I wasn’t entitled to any single-parent allowance, and my application for Universal Credit looked like it would take weeks to process.
As for moving forward with housing, my visit to the council offices had been as depressing as watching Angela’s Ashes . I’d been put on a waiting list, but informed I could be on it for years, and even then, I was unlikely to get anything bigger than a one-bedroom flat. Not that I was fussy, I’d have taken a shoebox if offered it, but I had a son growing bigger by the day, and whilst I’d lay my head in a hovel, I wanted better for him.
Bertie’s questions had been mounting over the past week and needed to be addressed. I’d been waiting for word from Rob, but as he was still MIA, there was little I could do but tell Bertie the truth.
The sound of shouting reached me from upstairs, and I checked my watch. It wasn’t yet six, and I’d expected longer to myself.
‘Mum!’
Bertie stood at the top of the stairs, hopping from foot to foot. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I’m desperate for a wee, but Emmy’s been in the bathroom for ages and won’t come out. I’m going to pee my pants in a minute.’
‘Come down here,’ I said. Bertie ran down the stairs, his hand gripping his crotch.
‘Mum, I don’t think I can hold it in much longer.’
‘Quick, follow me.’ I opened the back door and pulled Bertie through. ‘There you go, pee in that flowerpot.’
‘I can’t wee in there!’
‘Why not?’
‘It will kill the plant.’
‘Fine, pee beside it. I’ll fill a bowl with water and wash it away when you’re done.’ Bertie insisted I turn my back on him while he went about his business. ‘Better?’ I asked when I heard the pop of his waistband.
‘Much.’
‘What’s up with Emmy? Is she ill?’
‘I don’t think so. She won’t come out, and I heard her crying behind the door.’
‘Right, you go through to the lounge and watch a bit of TV. I’ll see what’s wrong with Emmy.’
Once Bertie was snuggled up beneath my duvet, I climbed the stairs and gave a tentative knock on the door. ‘Emmy? Emmy, it’s Aunt Liv.’
‘Go away.’
‘I’m afraid I can’t do that, darling. I’m worried about you.’
‘I want Mum.’
‘Sorry, Em, your mum’s on night shifts and still isn’t home. Shall I get your dad for you?’
‘No!’
‘OK, well either you’re going to have to open this door so I can come in, or I’ll have to fetch your dad.’
After a moment’s indecision, the door opened. My hand flew to my mouth at the sight of my niece.
‘Don’t laugh,’ said Emmy, bursting into loud, messy tears.
‘Shh,’ I said, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. ‘Em, what happened?’
Emmy handed me a bottle of hair dye. ‘It said it was black, but it’s turned my hair green.’
‘Isn’t green cool?’
‘No, green’s totally not cool. I look like a troll.’ More sobs racked her small body, and I put an arm around her.
‘It’s OK, we’ve all been there with hair disasters.’
‘I bet you haven’t. Your hair’s amazing. I wanted mine to be black, like yours.’
‘Oh, Em, you’re beautiful as you are. Trust me, my hair’s a pain in the bum. It takes me hours to straighten it each morning.’
‘You shouldn’t straighten it, it looks better curly.’
‘I’ll take your advice on board.’ It was only after marrying Rob I’d started straightening out my natural curls. I couldn’t remember if it was something he’d said, or pressure from other mums, but somewhere along the way I’d lost myself beneath steam and the smell of burning follicles. ‘Em, I don’t want to add to your woes, but has something happened to your eyebrow?’
A flush spread across Emmy’s freckled face. ‘I saw it in a magazine. It looked cool.’
‘Only having one eyebrow?’
‘No.’ Emmy folded her arms and looked at me like I had the intelligence of a goldfish. ‘It was supposed to be one small line shaved out, but the razor slipped.’
‘What razor did you use?’
‘Dad’s.’
‘That could have been the problem. Listen, I can go to a pharmacy today and buy some hair dye to get your hair back to its natural colour.’
‘I can’t go to school.’
‘That’s up to your dad.’
‘But he’ll make me. Please, Aunt Liv, can you talk to him?’
‘I can try, but I’m not making any promises.’
‘What about my eyebrow?’
‘Your eyebrow will grow back quickly, and in the meantime, we can fix it with a little make-up.’
‘You know how to do that?’
‘Trust me, Em, I’ve attended enough of Rob’s work parties over the years to know how to apply a bit of slap. Now come on, let’s get you out of here. Any minute now the entire house will wake up needing a wee, and Bertie’s already watered the garden enough for one day.’
I’d shepherded my niece out of the bathroom and downstairs for her breakfast when Jasper appeared and all hell broke loose.
‘What the f…’
‘Flip. That’s it, isn’t it Jasper, what the flip?’
Jasper stood in the doorway, his usually calm face pink. I was certain that if I looked closely, I’d see steam coming out of his ears.
‘Emmy had a minor accident with some hair dye.’
Emmy stared into her cereal, refusing to look her dad in the eye.
‘We were wondering if she could take the day off school? I can nip out this morning and try to find some dye to correct it.’
Emmy looked up from under her green fringe. ‘Please, Dad.’
‘Oh my God,’ said Jasper, walking up to his daughter and cupping her chin. ‘What the fu… flip happened to your eyebrow?’
‘Don’t worry, Aunt Liv said she can sort it with makeup.’
‘Makeup? Well, you can forget a day off school. If you’re old enough to go behind our back, go expressly against our wishes, and dye your hair, then you’re old enough to face the consequences.’
Emmy whimpered. From the lounge, the noise of shouting filtered through the door.
‘I’ll see what’s going on,’ I said, keen to remove myself from the father-daughter stand-off. In the lounge, I found two small boys tearing chunks out of one another as they wrestled on the carpet. ‘Bertie, stop that at once.’
Both boys ignored me, pushing me off as I tried to pull them apart. In the end, the only thing I could do was fling myself on the floor between them like a second-rate wrestling referee.
I managed to get both boys sitting down on the sofa, although they sat at either end, refusing to look at each other.
‘Boys,’ I said, hands on hips, trying to look as stern as possible. ‘What on earth’s going on with you?’
‘Big arse Bertie lost all the points on my game.’
‘I didn’t,’ yelled Bertie, ‘there was a glitch on the machine.’
‘Liar!’
‘No, you’re the liar!’
‘Get out of my house. None of us want you here, you little loser.’
‘Hey,’ I said. ‘Jake, that’s a horrible thing to say.’
‘Yeah, well, it’s true. I can’t sleep with him nattering away in my ear, and I can’t even watch TV in the morning with you sleeping in here.’
‘Don’t speak to my mum like that, you little…’
The door opened just as Bertie and Jake flung themselves at each other for round two.
‘What the…’
‘It’s OK,’ I told Cass, holding each boy at arm’s length. ‘Just a misunderstanding.’
‘It looks more than a misunderstanding.’
‘Bertie, go and cool off in the garden. Jake, get ready for school. Your mum’s just got back from work and this is the last thing she needs.’
Both boys skulked off, and Cass was about to sit down when a furious-looking Jasper marched into the room, dragging a sobbing Emmy by the arm.
‘What the…’
‘An accident with some hair dye,’ I explained as Jasper opened the door, pushed Emmy out of it, and locked it behind her.
‘What are you doing? You can’t lock our daughter out of the house!’
‘She needs to go to school,’ said Jasper. ‘If she never has to face the consequences of her actions, she’ll never take responsibility for anything.’
‘Don’t you think that’s a decision we should have made together?’
‘You weren’t here. I was. You can’t undermine me now.’
As the argument between Cass and Jasper escalated into a full-blown row, I slipped out of the room and went to find Bertie in the garden.
‘Can I go back in now?’
‘No, not yet. Aunt Cass and Uncle Jasper are having a discussion.’
‘You mean an argument, like the ones you and Dad have?’
I sighed. ‘Yes, Bertie. They’re having an argument, so we should stay out of their way.’
Bertie kicked the toe of his trainer against the fence. ‘When can we go home, Mum? I don’t want to stay here anymore. I miss my room, I miss Dad, I even miss school, though only a little bit.’
My heart broke for my son, and I could think of nothing to say that would offer any comfort. ‘I’ll tell you what, why don’t we go for a walk? Your aunt and uncle could do with some space, and there are things we need to talk about.’
I took the hand of my beautiful boy and prepared to shatter his world.