14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
I sat on the bathroom floor, balancing the phone against my shoulder whilst brushing my teeth.
‘Do you have to do that?’ asked Cass. ‘It sounds gross.’
‘I thought you were supposed to be a hardened nurse,’ I said through a mouthful of toothpaste.
‘Yes, I suppose it’s not bottom juice,’ sighed Cass, causing me to spurt my toothpaste out across the floor.
‘Crap. Hang on.’ I grabbed my towel and wiped away the mess I’d made, then rinsed out my mouth.
‘Where are you?’
‘In the bathroom. Where else would I brush my teeth?’
‘What’s it like?’
‘The bathroom?’
‘No, dumbass, the whole place.’
‘I’ve not seen much of it yet, but what I have seen I like. I’m still not sure coming here was the right thing to do, though. It’s not going to solve anything, is it? All I’m doing is kicking my problems into the long grass.’
‘Liv, you need this time. You’ve not been yourself for the past eight years. It’s about time you took a step back from life and figured out what you really want.’
‘What I want is my old life back.’
‘Really?’
I pictured the fancy cars, executive home on an executive estate, the yummy mummies, weekend visits to the grim-laws. Maybe I didn’t want exactly that version, but what was the alternative?
‘How’s Dad?’
‘Don’t change the subject.’
‘I’m not. I really want to know.’
‘Dad’s fine, same as ever.’
‘I thought I could visit him at the weekend.’
‘No, leave it a couple of weeks. You need to embrace the opportunity that’s been given to you. Coming back to the city would only confuse things. Dad will survive a couple of weeks without you.’
‘OK, but send him my love when you see him.’
‘So come on, what’s it like there?’
‘Good, I think. Everyone seems nice…’
‘What are you not telling me?’
I let out a long sigh and perched myself on the toilet seat. ‘You remember when you turned eighteen and took me to that festival?’
‘I don’t remember as much about it as I probably should… for obvious reasons.’
‘Granted, but do you remember the boy I met?’
‘The one you went stupidly soppy over, then cried about for weeks when we got home?’
‘Yeah, him.’
‘What about him?’
‘He’s here. Or, at least I think it’s him. I could be wrong. If it is him, he’s a lot hairier than I remember.’
‘Why don’t you just ask him?’
‘Ask him? Cass, he totally ghosted me. I thought I was falling in love. He’d promised to keep in touch, then on the last day…poof… gone.’
‘Liv, I know your emotions are heightened at the moment, but don’t you think you’re being over dramatic? After all, you knew him for what? Twenty-four hours?’
‘Forty-eight.’
‘Exactly. Don’t let it bother you. Maybe mention it to him, make a joke out of it?’
‘Yeah, maybe. I’d better go in case Bertie wakes up and I’m not there. I’ll call you tomorrow.’
‘No, don’t. Give yourself time to settle in, give yourself some space to think. I’m always here on the end of the phone, but leave it a couple of days, yeah?’
‘OK. Love you.’
‘Love you too.’
I hung up the phone and sat down on the toilet. Cass was right, I’d hardly known Seb, if indeed he was the boy I remembered. And she was also right that I was a mess, and dwelling on irrelevant feelings from over a decade ago would do nothing to help my situation.
With a clump of tissues pocketed as a precaution for my nightly breakdown, I crept back along the corridor to our bedroom. Inside, I found Bertie sprawled face-down on his mattress. Taking care not to wake him, I pulled blankets up over him and crouched beside his bed, watching him sleep.
My life so far may not have amounted to much, but if I achieved nothing else, the beautiful boy in front of me would have made my time on earth worthwhile. Whatever happened with me and Rob, together we’d created Bertie, and nothing and no one could take that away. Somehow we’d have to find a way through together, for our son’s sake, if not our own.
I climbed into bed and checked my phone. Nothing from Rob, not that I expected there to be. I switched off my phone and tried to sleep. After half an hour of tossing and turning, I picked up my book, grateful that Bertie had insisted on keeping the light on.
Flat on my back, I looked up at the ceiling. Brown tide marks stained the once white paint, and at one corner paint was peeling. From what I’d seen of the farmhouse so far, it could do with some money being spent on it before it fell down around their ears.
If only I could afford to give them something for my stay. I knew Cass had handed over an envelope on my behalf, but it couldn’t have contained much, given her own perilous finances. My last thought before finally giving in to sleep was that I’d find Harry first thing the next morning and offer my services in any way I could.