28. Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Eight
D espite labelling it as a meeting, Seb had invited me to his cabin after dinner and promised wine beside an open fire. I didn’t want to look as though I expected anything more than a productive evening pooling ideas for the project, so had selected a clean pair of jeans and my favourite teal jumper to wear. The temptation to apply more makeup than usual was strong, but given we’d be eating dinner with the other residents first, I was reluctant to draw attention to myself and raise any eyebrows.
Since deciding to end my marriage, I felt three stone lighter, as though the weight of waiting for Rob to hand me my fate had been dragging me down. There had been no calls from Marion’s landline since my rash announcement, and I was no further forward with divorce proceedings, but at least I felt more in control.
‘Can I come to Seb’s house with you?’ asked Bertie.
‘No, we’ve talked about this. You’ve got your first band concert tomorrow. You need to get an early night.’
‘What if I can’t sleep?’
‘Maggie and Stephan will be downstairs, so if you can’t sleep, find them and they’ll tuck you in again. Mind you, after cleaning out all the animals with Harry after school, I don’t think you’ll have any trouble sleeping. Now go and wash your hands ready for dinner.’
Bertie shuffled out of the room, and I checked the messages on my phone. Nothing.
‘Ready,’ said Bertie, waiting for me by the door. I’d told him Rob was back in town, but Bertie hadn’t yet asked to see him. I’d need to arrange a meeting soon, but had decided to give Bertie time to settle into his new school before disrupting his life further.
It was Andrea and Christine’s turn to cook dinner. Having decided to stay on an extra month, their time at Lowen Farm was now drawing to a close. The healthy vegetable casserole they served was greeted with thanks, but as Pat and Harry pushed cauliflower around their bowls, it was clear they were hankering after something more meaty.
The last thing I wanted was to offend Andrea and Christine, but with my stomach doing somersaults, it was hard to force the tasteless dish down and my bowl was still half-full by the end of the meal.
‘Sorry,’ I said, as Andrea cleared my bowl. ‘Me and Bertie had a big lunch and are still full.’
Bertie kept his eyes on the table, happy to go along with my lie.
‘It appears everyone had a big lunch today,’ said Christine with a sigh. ‘I’m sorry everyone, I’m trying the approach of healthy body, healthy mind, but it was rather lacking in the taste department, wasn’t it?’
‘No, it was lovely,’ lied Harry.
‘Right,’ said Seb. ‘We’d best get going.’
‘I’ll just get Bertie in his pyjamas, then I’ll be with you.’
‘Pyjamas? But it’s nowhere near bedtime,’ grumbled Bertie.
‘And you’re not going to bed yet. Maggie and Stephan have said you can stay up and watch TV with them, but if you’re already in your jimjams, that’s one less job for them.’
‘Fine,’ said Bertie, sighing as he followed me upstairs.
In the end, it took me a further half an hour before Bertie was in his pyjamas and I was ready to leave. ‘Sorry,’ I said, jumping into the Land Rover. ‘Bertie’s so excited about his first brass band concert tomorrow, he wouldn’t stop talking.’
‘Don’t worry, it will have given the wine longer to chill.’
‘Yum,’ I said, licking my lips at the thought.
As soon as we arrived at Seb’s cabin, he set about lighting a fire in the fire pit beside the porch. I settled down in a wicker chair, a blanket across my legs. Seb appeared with a bottle and two glasses and poured out the wine.
‘I’m sorry to drag you all the way out here, but I wanted to talk to you about something,’ said Seb, twisting the stem of his wine glass between his fingers.
‘About the project? Yes, I know, that’s why I’m here.’
‘No. I… we...’ He took my hand and laced his fingers into mine. ‘Am I imagining this?’
I looked at the man I’d grown to have so much respect for. The man I now considered among my best friends. The man I simultaneously knew so little about, yet felt I knew all I needed to. ‘No, you’re not imagining it.’
‘I don’t know if it’s residual feelings from when we were young, unfinished business, or something new that’s worth exploring. What I know is that now isn’t the right time to take things any further.’ Seb unlaced his fingers, holding his hands in his lap.
‘Right, I see.’
‘Liv, it’s not because I don’t want to. That’s not it at all.’
‘Then why?’
‘You’ve only been single for a couple of months and you’re about to embark on what could be a messy divorce. It wouldn’t be fair to drag you into some new relationship when you’ve got all that going on.’
‘Isn’t that for me to decide?’
‘There are things I haven’t told you about my past. I don’t feel in a position to risk our friendship. You’re too important to me. What if you end up patching things up with Rob?’
‘Not going to happen.’
‘But you’ve not even seen him or spoken to him. How can you be so sure?’
‘I just am.’
‘I think we should wait. I’m prepared to wait for you as long as you need.’
‘And what if I meet up with Rob? What if I draw a line under my marriage and am a free agent?’
‘Then we can revisit this conversation.’
I downed the wine left in my glass and stood up.
‘Liv, there’s no need to go.’
‘Yes, there is. Seb, the feelings I have for you… at first, I thought I was just harking back to a teenage crush. Then I thought I was on the rebound. But now? Seb, I’ve never felt anything like this. I’ve never met anyone like you. So, yes, we will return to this conversation, but right now, there’s a call I need to make.’
I leaned over and kissed Seb’s cheek, then pulled back, my hand still on his neck. I turned to go, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. His lips met mine, our teeth clashed, his beard scratched my skin, but none of it mattered. He pulled me onto his lap, hands clasping locks of my hair as my own gripped his neck. And then he pulled away, breaking the spell.
‘Sorry.’
‘Why?’
‘I shouldn’t have done that.’
I leaned forward, trying to recapture the magic of moments ago. Seb shifted back in his chair, and with the gentlest of pushes, moved me off his lap. I took his hand and pressed it to my lips. ‘I’d better make that call.’ Without looking back, I jumped down from his deck and set off into the woods.
It wasn’t until the farmhouse came into view that my heart rate returned to normal, and I felt able to make the phone call I was dreading. I sat on a tree stump and pulled my phone from my pocket. Marion answered on the third ring.
‘Marion, it’s Olivia. I need to speak to Rob.’
‘I’m afraid he’s not available.’
‘Then give me his mobile number.’
‘I can’t do that.’
‘I’ll tell you what, Marion. I’m going to ring your house every five minutes from now until Rob finally agrees to speak to me. There are things we have to discuss, and he can’t keep putting it off forever. What about his son? Doesn’t he want to see Bertie, even if he’s cut all ties with me? Now, either he is genuinely out, in which case you can give me his mobile number, or he’s hiding in your house. If it’s the latter, please fetch him for me and reassure him I won’t bite.’
With a loud sigh, I heard a click as Marion rested the receiver on her telephone table, and then the faint sound of her high heels on the polished floor. Just as I was about to give up hope of ever getting hold of my husband, his voice came down the line.
‘Olivia.’
‘Rob, at last, the wanderer returns.’ I waited for some sort of explanation for his prolonged absence in our lives, but none was forthcoming. ‘We need to meet. There are things we need to discuss.’
‘Tell me where and when and I’ll be there.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, you’re right. I can’t keep hiding forever.’