40. Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty
B ertie was in a bad mood. He wanted his friends to come over and play, but the atmosphere in the farmhouse had been strained since I broke my news, and I had to tell Bertie what was going on. We walked most of the way home in silence, Bertie kicking loose rocks along the path. When we reached the farmhouse, he went to put the TV on in the living room.
‘Not right now, Bertie,’ I said, taking the remote control from his hand. ‘I need to talk to you. Let’s go up to our room.’
‘But I want to watch TV.’
‘And you can, as soon as we’ve had a little talk.’
Bertie grabbed his school bag and stomped up the stairs. Once in our room, he pulled out his iPad and flicked it on to a game. I took the device from his hands, laying it on the bedside table. Bertie frowned and crossed his arms.
‘Bertie, there’s something important I need to tell you. It’s about Dad.’
‘Does he want to see me?’
‘Yes.’
‘Great, can I go at the weekend? He won’t cancel again, will he?’
‘Bertie, this isn’t about a weekend visit. Your dad wants us to be a family again.’
‘You mean, like, live together again?’
‘Yes.’
Bertie blew out air from between his lips. He looked around the bedroom we shared. ‘I can’t imagine Dad here.’
‘No, neither can I. In fact, your dad doesn’t want to live here with us. He wants us to go back to Exeter and live with him there.’
Bertie laughed. ‘We can’t go back there, don’t be silly.’
‘Bertie…’
The smile dropped from Bertie’s face. ‘You haven’t said yes?’
‘It’s the best thing for all of us. You’ll get to spend loads of time with Dad and you’ll get to see your old friends again.’
‘At weekends?’
‘No, at school.’ I was trying hard to make my voice cheery, but it came out more like a doped-up kids’ TV presenter.
Bertie stood up, glaring down at me. ‘You’re not sending me back to my old school. I hated it there.’
‘Bertie, it’s for the best.’
‘No! I won’t go!’
‘I’m afraid that’s not your decision to make. Grandma and Grandpa are coming to collect us on Sunday. You can take some sweets into school and perhaps have a sleepover with your friends tomorrow evening, so you have a proper goodbye.’
‘No,’ said Bertie, a lone tear breaking out and trickling down his cheek. ‘I won’t go.’ He tried to walk past me, but I grabbed his wrist.
‘Get off me!’ he shouted. ‘I hate you!’ Bertie yanked his hand free and ran out of the room.
It took me a few seconds to collect my thoughts, then I raced out of the room in hot pursuit of Bertie. There was no one in the living room, no one in the dining room, but I found Maggie making a start on dinner in the kitchen.
‘Have you seen Bertie?’
‘No. I heard the back door slam, though, so maybe he went outside to play or feed the animals?’
‘Thanks.’
I slipped on my shoes and ran outside. There was no sign of Bertie by the pigpen, goat enclosure, or chicken coop. I ran across the lane to the field where the sheep grazed happily, but Bertie wasn’t among them.
After searching the outbuildings, I ran across the field towards the woods. I fought against the memory of the first time Seb had shown me around. It wouldn’t help to think like that. In the woods I called Bertie’s name, but no reply came other than the flapping wings of birds who I’d scared from the trees.
At the lake, the water lay undisturbed, the rowing boat bobbing gently against its mooring. I ran my hands through my hair. Perhaps I shouldn’t have chased after Bertie at all and left him to calm down.
Outside Pat’s cabin, I noticed the old bike Harry had loaned Bertie resting against the far wall. I knocked and Pat came to the door.
‘Is Bertie in there with you?’
Pat stepped outside his cabin and pulled the door closed. ‘He is Liv, but he’s very upset. It might be best if you leave him here with me for a while. As well as being upset, he’s also extremely angry. He doesn’t understand what’s going on.’
‘I tried to explain things to him.’
‘Hmm, well, I’m not sure he’s alone in not understanding. Why are you doing this, Liv?’
I wanted to tell Pat that it wasn’t my doing at all, but I kept quiet.
‘Why don’t you leave him here, and I’ll bring him back to the farmhouse at dinner time?’
‘Thank you.’
Pat returned to his cabin, and I leaned against the wood, steeling myself for my next house call. I walked the short distance to Seb’s cabin and paused outside his door.
‘Liv.’ Seb opened the door before I’d knocked. ‘What do you want?’
‘I wanted to come and apologise.’
‘For what? Lying to me, leaving me, or not even having the decency to tell me when we were alone?’
‘I didn’t lie.’
‘Really? So, when I told you I didn’t want to get involved with you unless you had moved on from your husband, you weren’t lying when you said you’d never go back to him?’
‘I wasn’t lying when I said it.’
‘Oh, right, that’s OK then.’
‘Seb, I really am sorry. If there was any other way…’
‘From where I’m standing, you’re not being forced back to your husband at gunpoint. It seems to me you’re going back of your own free will.’
If only you knew . ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah, well, thanks for the apology. Now, I think it’s best you go.’
‘Seb.’ I placed my hand on his arm and he jumped back as though burnt by a hot poker.
‘Get out of here. Go on, go.’
I turned and walked away from the only man I’d ever truly loved. Seb hated me, Bertie hated me, everyone at Lowen Farm probably hated me. Whoever said it’s better to have loved and lost was a total liar. I wished I’d never met Seb, never set foot on Lowen Farm, for the pain in my heart of having loved and lost was more than I could bear.