Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Speech is silver. Silence is gold.
Talking when you’d rather remain silent sucks, but sometimes it’s more valuable than silver or gold.
Tips and tricks for every situation from divorce lawyer Connor Stone
Would it be super weird if I told you I’m proud of you? - Rachel
Yes, but say it anyway. - Connor
The door closed behind Rachel and, without her, all that remained was residual adrenaline, a bit of regret, a large portion of unease, and his brother.
Connor would name the cocktail of emotions Definitely Not Sex on the Beach.
Yeah, it wasn’t a fancy title, but Rachel had been there, which was why he thought straight away of…
“What exactly does Rachel think we should talk about?”
God.
Alec frowned as Connor sat wearily on their yellow couch. “About what I was projecting.”
“Oh.” Alec pressed his lips together and slowly sank down next to him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it, Connor.”
“No, I think I do,” he said quietly, leaning back. “It’s about Dad.”
“Connor. It’s okay, really,” Alec assured him.
“No. I feel like I’ve owed you all an explanation for a decade. For leaving as soon as I had the chance.”
Alec shook his head. “You don’t owe us anything.”
“Alec, I could have moved anywhere, but I came to L.A., and I know you might not have understood, but…”
“We know why you moved here, Connor!” Alec interrupted loudly. “Okay?” His voice sounded irritated. “Really. We know. We get it. No need to talk about…Dad.”
Connor looked at him, his mouth open. “You know?”
Alec snorted. “You don’t believe me.”
“Well…no. I moved away because…”
“Because you wanted to finally stop taking responsibility for four people,” Alec added harshly, visibly uncomfortable. “You had to do it for Mom. For us. It was too much for you — we got that.”
Connor looked at him, shocked. They did?
“Come on, Connor. We were practically grown up when you left…”
“Not Allie,” he objected harshly. “She…”
“Allie idolized Dad and only realized too late that he was a jerk. But that’s not your fault either, okay? Can we please stop talking about it?”
Connor blinked. “Why don’t you want to talk about it?”
Alec gritted his teeth and stared at him.
“Because I don’t enjoy thinking about what a jerk Dad was, Connor.
And that Mom still doesn’t want to face it.
I don’t want to dwell on what he did to you and Allie.
What he did to Mom. It’s in the past. So, for God’s sake, leave it in the past. He only cared about his art. Not his children! And now he’s dead.”
Perplexed, Connor blinked at him. This was the first time he’d heard this from his brother. “I don’t understand. Then why the hell do you always tell me you had a good childhood? Why do you tell me you had so much fun as kids, and that’s why our family bond is so strong?”
Confused, Alec tilted his head. “But our family bond is fantastic. And we had a good childhood. And a lot of fun.”
“But…”
“Because of you, you idiot!” Alec said, annoyed. “Good God, Connor. You always played with us. Always made time for our problems. Our childhood should have been bad, but you made certain it wasn’t. How can you not realize that!”
A lump formed in his throat and his eyes stung. “But…I left.”
“After you sacrificed your youth for us. We couldn’t blame you,” Alec muttered, looking down at his hands. “We were young, but not stupid. And Mallory isn’t that much younger than you. She’s been through it all and, unlike you, talks about her feelings.”
Resting his elbows on his knees, he laughed dryly and ran his hand through his hair. “But you…idolized Dad.”
“As children, we did. After all, he was our father. And when he was there, it was wonderful. But…as you get older and look back on your childhood, you sometimes realize that children’s perceptions can be deceiving. I thought you knew that.”
“No,” he murmured. “Yes. But not really.”
Alec sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “Connor, we don’t blame you. We’d like to see you more often, but…we’re on your side. Not Dad’s. You took as much as you could and left before it burned you out. That’s perfectly fine. It wouldn’t have made you happy to stay.”
Connor took a shaky breath and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I wish I could have been there for you more, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. But you always are when we need you. So don’t feel guilty about wanting to make yourself happy instead of us. Hey, did you know that happiness is singular…”
“Singular?” he added, laughing. Yes, Alec really was his brother. “I knew that.”
“Good.” Alec smiled briefly before putting his arm around his shoulder and pulling him firmly to his side. “And I have the feeling that you’re…happy?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Are you asking, or does Mallory want to know?”
“A little of both.”
He lowered his gaze and thought about it for a moment. No, actually, he was only thinking about Rachel. “I think so,” he murmured.
“Great. I’m happy for you, by the way...happy that you’re so in love. But I have to warn you that I’m going to tell Mallory, so she’ll stop worrying.”
“I’m not in love,” he murmured…but the lie barely made it out of his mouth.
He didn’t like talking about his feelings, but he understood them, at least since Winnie’s remark on the beach, which had finally given his general state of mind a name.
In love. He was in love.
That was fucking scary.
The last time he’d been in love was as a teenager, and that couldn’t compare to how he felt when Rachel walked into a room.
At least, that was what he thought five hours later as he sat on a bench in Cian’s garden and watched her step through the patio doors.
She’d definitely ruined other women’s summer dresses for him forever, because every time he saw one, he would think of Rachel, whose closet seemed to be filled with nothing else.
When he’d asked her, she’d said, “It’s always windy in Chicago.
I could never wear dresses without showing my underwear. I have a lot of catching up to do.”
Connor didn’t mind at all. He was all for her showing her underwear to him and no one else.
Lucy, Maddie, and Hailey emerged from Cian’s living room directly behind Rachel. Thankfully, without a baby goat or chicken. But he doubted he would have paid any attention to the animals if they’d been there.
When he looked at Rachel, it was all too easy to push everything else aside.
His surroundings. His problems. The truth.
He simply forgot that he wasn’t the dream man she was looking for.
That they actually had a bet. That they wanted different things from life.
That he should stop spending so much time with her and ruining all other women for himself.
He felt like he knew Rachel…and yet, he was surprised at every turn. He understood her, but couldn’t stop learning things about her.
He felt almost honored that she wasn’t guarded around him and never seemed to think about what he wanted to hear, just saying what was on her mind.
She had given so many people what they wanted — but all he wanted was her, as she was.
Infuriating and sweet. Loud, but fragile.
Tough, but soft on the inside. Funny when she wanted to be. Serious when she felt like it.
A little like him, but very different.
“Where are Matt and Dax?” Gareth interrupted. He was sitting next to him and, for once, had put his cell phone away.
“Who are Matt and Dax?” Connor demanded in return.
“Lucy and Maddie’s boyfriends. Ice hockey players.”
Oh, yeah. “I don’t know. Where’s your opera singer?”
“In Memphis.”
“Too bad. I would have liked to get to know her better.”
Gareth frowned. “Why?”
“Because you’re thinking about marrying her?”
“Yes. I’m marrying her, not you.”
He sighed heavily. “Of course. I’ll never get married. You know that. And if you want to know where your players are, ask their girlfriends.”
Gareth nodded and did just that as the group of four women walked past them.
“Oh, they both needed some time alone,” Maddie said with a smile. “Ever since they got girlfriends, they’ve been missing the opportunity to lie around on the couch and drink beer in the off-season.” Her cooling gaze slid to Connor. “Hello, Mr. Hot-Arrogant.”
Yep, she was still his fan. Good thing she had no idea what he was doing with her sister. Although he liked her nickname much better than Killer Whale.
Rachel didn’t even greet him, but she looked at him, her gaze thoughtful but warm. And that was enough to make his overzealous heart stumble in his chest. Holy crap, he had it bad.
“So, what are you doing here, Clark?” Lucy asked Gareth. “You’re not into social interactions of any kind.”
He pressed his lips together. “I was told to choose between barbequing and ending a fifteen-year friendship.”
Rachel smiled. “And here I thought Cian was the nice one of the three of you.”
Connor narrowed his eyes at her — he’d been very nice yesterday. She gave him a cheeky grin, but then turned back to Gareth, presumably because she didn’t want anyone here to know what they were doing behind closed doors.
“Cian just likes to pretend to be innocent,” Gareth informed her grumpily. “It makes it easier for him to impose his will on people.”
Rachel looked at him innocently. “Like you?”
Connor chuckled softly, partly because of Gareth’s grim expression, but mostly because not many people would willingly tease the multimillionaire Gareth Clark.
“Stop laughing,” Gareth instructed roughly.
“Yeah, a man who makes people unhappy for a living shouldn’t be laughing,” Lucy agreed.
Connor sighed. Making people unhappy for a living…
“I mean, how many couples have you broken up today?” she asked with a sweet smile.
“Stop it, Lucy,” Rachel murmured, looking away. “He doesn’t break people up. He only offers a way out for those who need it.”
Confused, Lucy blinked at her sister as warmth spread through Connor’s chest. “How’s your bet going?” she suddenly wanted to know.
“We’re taking a break,” she murmured. “Is the food ready yet? I’m hungry.”
“Oh, me too,” Maddie said, following Rachel across the lawn toward Cian, who was manning the grill with Ada and Hailey. He overheard her ask, “Why are you taking a break?”
“Yeah, why are you taking a break?” Gareth persisted, and Connor could still feel Lucy’s skeptical expression.
“Because some things are more important than bets.”
And he really didn’t hate Rachel anymore…