Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Honesty is important! Never forget that! The truth should always come out.
From the self-help book for self-pitiers by psychologist Rachel James
Are you really sure about that? - Connor
I’ll never get married. You know that.
Rachel shrugged and blinked the words out of her mind. Connor’s statement hadn’t been meant for her, and…it didn’t matter. She knew what Connor thought about weddings and marriage. The fist-sized lump in her stomach had no right to exist.
“It’ll be a few more minutes before anyone can eat,” Cian said apologetically. “So be patient.”
Maddie sighed. “Fine. But can we at least have potato salad now?”
“No.”
Maddie looked at Ada, who was busy on her phone. “Your father is mean,” she whispered loudly.
“It’s okay,” she said absently. “If you pout well enough, his marshmallow heart will melt.”
Hailey laughed loudly, to which Cian only responded with a grim look. Rachel smiled too; she had all but forgotten Connor’s words. She preferred to concentrate on Cian.
Rachel was surprised by his beautiful house.
It was colorful and lively, not messy, exactly, but a little chaotic.
The spacious garden had a small pond to the right, while to the left there were two rows of picnic benches where Tara and Izzie were sitting with a few other men and women whom Rachel vaguely recognized from the Sunny Umbrella.
And then, of course, there were Gareth and Connor, their long legs stretched out, focused on a television positioned directly in front of the glass wall of Cian’s cozy living room. A baseball game was on.
Lucy was standing a little ways off, talking on the phone, which gave Rachel the chance to look at Connor, letting her gaze wander over the back of his neck…
He turned his head as if he had sensed her eyes on him.
She quickly jerked her head away. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to know how the conversation with Alec had gone.
She wanted to sit next to him and joke about Gareth secretly typing emails on his phone under the table as if he knew his friends would nag him about it.
She wanted to hold his damn hand! Wanted to ask him if he honestly never wanted to get married.
She swallowed. Maybe you shouldn’t do those things with a sex-leasing partner, but what did she know?! She’d never had one before.
“Where are Scotland-Beard and Eggsy?” Ada interrupted Rachel’s thoughts. The girl looked up at Hailey, her eyes squinting against the sun. “You could have brought them. The blind goldfish could have gone into our pond.”
“Nah,” Hailey said. “We’re having barbecued chicken and other meats today. I didn’t want to upset them.”
“Dad!” Ada exclaimed, hurt. “It was insensitive of you to buy chicken!”
Cian sighed. “I also bought veggie burgers for Hailey.”
Ada deliberately ignored that, even though Hailey looked visibly surprised.
“So, the animals are alone in the office?” the thirteen-year-old continued.
“They’re never really alone. I have a camera. Wait. I can even hook it up to the TV.”
“Oh, that would be much more interesting than the baseball game,” Ada said enthusiastically.
Gareth and Connor’s exclamations of disbelief when Hailey and Ada started fiddling with the TV shortly afterward probably meant they didn’t see it that way.
“Men and their sports, seriously. So silly,” Maddie mumbled, bewildered, before her cheeks turned red. “Oh God, don’t tell Matt I said that!”
Rachel laughed and put an arm around her shoulders as they strolled over to Gareth and Connor.
Everything felt almost normal between them again — and the thought that she’d practically promised Connor she’d talk to her sisters about their mother today gave her a lump the size of Texas in her throat. But she’d meant it. It was about time.
“You can continue watching the game in a minute,” Hailey called out, annoyed, plugging her phone into some cable. “We’re just going to see what my animals are up to. Trust me, it’s more entertaining than men in tight pants going after a ball.”
The TV flashed once briefly, then an image of the Match Me! office appeared. There were the three desks, their shelves…Eggsy balancing on a computer screen, and Scotland-Beard sprawled on a rug in front of the front door.
Oh. The camera.
A queasy feeling spread through Rachel’s stomach.
She’d theoretically known there was a camera; Hailey had mentioned it at the first pub quiz.
It turned on automatically after closing time so that Hailey could check on the animals’ well-being.
And, apparently, it could also be turned on manually. For the weekend.
“What’s this?” Connor asked. His voice was dark and calm as always, but it seemed strained.
“My office spy-cam,” Hailey replied absentmindedly. “Wait, they do the funniest things at night…I haven’t even looked at the footage from the last few weeks. Scotland-Beard does his best work after nine.”
With that, Hailey started a new video — and Rachel blinked in surprise when she saw herself on the screen. And then another figure entered the office. Connor.
Her heart stopped, and panic exploded behind her eyes.
“Oops, what’s this?” Lucy asked as she joined, apparently having ended her phone call. “The divorce idiot was at Match Me?”
Fuck.
“Okay, okay!” Rachel exclaimed, raising her arms. “That’s super uninteresting. Play another video, Hailey.”
“You didn’t mention Connor’s visit,” Maddie said, surprised. “What did you talk about? It looks…intense.”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. That was the word for it! Intense!
“Hailey, damn it.” Connor jumped up from the picnic bench so quickly that Gareth almost fell over. “Turn that off! We…”
But they were already kissing on the screen. Hailey must have been fast-forwarding because everything was happening much faster and…
“Oh, shit,” Cian shouted, and there was a slapping sound as he lurched forward, covering Ada’s eyes with a hand.
“Oh my God, that’s my desk!” Maddie cried out in shock. “What are you doing on my desk?”
“Ha!” Izzie cried. “Tara, you owe me twenty bucks!”
Fuck. “Turn it off, Hailey!” Rachel shouted, her voice cracking before she leaped forward, snatched the phone from Hailey’s hand, and unplugged it from the cable. The TV went black.
But that didn’t help them now.
“Man, I’m glad I came after all,” Gareth said contentedly, leaning back.
Rachel groaned, closed her eyes, and wished the apocalypse would start right now, like Winnie’s sign announced.
“Well, that noise certainly won’t make us forget what we saw,” Hailey remarked apologetically.
“Dad! Get your hand off my face. I have Netflix. I’ve seen people having sex.”
“What?” Cian cried incredulously.
But Lucy shouted louder, “What the hell?!”
“I don’t understand anything anymore,” Maddie said weakly. “What did we just see? It looked like you were arguing and then…! Why…why?”
Her sister looked to her for help, but Rachel didn’t know what to say.
“But you don’t like each other!” Hailey said, perplexed.
“You don’t have to like each other to have sex, Hailey,” Izzie exclaimed.
“But…it’s an advantage, right?”
“Okay, guys.”
Rachel’s chin jerked up because Connor had spoken. He was still standing, his hands raised defensively as if there were weapons, not just eyes, aimed at him. “Yes, we had sex. Yes, maybe we shouldn’t have used Maddie’s desk. Yes, we argued. Things just…” His gaze slid to her. “…escalated.”
“Had sex or do?” Maddie asked in a high-pitched voice.
Connor raised his eyebrows. “What?”
“Did you have sex just that one time, or are you still doing it?”
Rachel swallowed and wrung her hands. “We’re still doing it,” she murmured. “But only…a little.”
“That didn’t look like a little,” Tara remarked cheerfully.
No. It didn’t. It wasn’t.
“It's no big deal, okay?” Connor replied roughly. “It’s only sex!”
Only sex.
The words pierced her heart like two large needles. She’d never realized before how powerful the little word only was.
Connor certainly didn’t mean it that way. He only said it because of the others. Right? It wasn’t just…only sex... was it?
I’ll never get married. You know that.
“What’s this crap?” Lucy interrupted her thoughts, glaring at her.
“You have time to screw the divorce lawyer next door, Maddie’s declared archenemy, but not to visit Dad?
!” Her face turned so red it rivaled her hair.
“Dad said he’s called you five times and you haven’t even gotten back to him! What the hell?”
Rachel’s mouth went dry, and when she opened it, wanting to say something – she didn’t know what to say. There was only the burning in her throat, the guilt in her diaphragm, and the gaping emptiness in her head.
“Are you arguing with Dad?” Lucy continued heatedly. “Because he’s starting to think that. But what could the poor guy have done? He’s sick and needs help, Rachel! And you’re a damn psychologist. What kind of heartless person are you if you can’t even call your own fa…“
“That’s enough,” Connor said, cutting Lucy off, looking no less angry now. “Back the hell off.’
“Why the hell do you think you have the right to interfere?” Lucy exclaimed.
“Connor, be quiet,” Rachel muttered, shaking her head helplessly.
“No.” Now he glared at her. “She’s going too far! You don’t call your sister heartless. You should ask her how she’s doing when she’s acting strangely.”
“I should ask her how she’s doing?” Lucy cried out. “After she abandoned us?”
“Lucy,” Maddie pleaded softly.
“No!” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I have the right to be angry!”
“You do!” Rachel replied weakly. Her eyes burned uncontrollably. “But I didn’t fill my time with Connor so I could avoid Dad. This thing with him has nothing to do with any of this. It’s something else entirely, Lucy.”