Finn
The flight home was silent and uneventful. When we landed, I taxied into the small building my dad had designated for me to use as a hangar. It was probably only a matter of time before it was sold off too.
And then I had to deal with the plane. I needed to keep Marge in fighting shape and couldn’t afford costly repairs.
After making sure everything was secure, Adele thanked me and ran straight to her car.
I could practically smell the burning rubber as she peeled out of the parking lot at top speed. As her car crested the hill, I dropped my chin and sighed. I should have worked harder to talk to her. To break down the barriers she had put up this morning.
I’d finally had my chance with her. And yet, somehow, I’d ruined it.
The restless energy and racing thoughts continued into the day. A workout didn’t help. Ice cream didn’t either. All that was left was to get it off my chest. So I went to the one person who would get it.
“You did what?”
Alicia was leaning over the massive kitchen island, her brown eyes wide. She worked from home on Fridays and was wearing her casual work clothes, which were still nicer than anything I owned.
I buried my head in my hands. She never took it easy on me. Which was why, after everything, we were still best friends. I needed an ass-kicking right now, and my ex was the best person for the job.
“I’m in over my head.”
“No shit. You need to back up. Start at the beginning and don’t leave anything out.”
She put a pod in the coffee maker. She knew me well enough to know I’d need the hit of caffeine to get through this and that I didn’t need any more prodding to open up.
So I told her everything. Recent events, past events. Our kiss a few years ago. The crush I’d had on Adele in high school, even though she never once spoke to me. All of it.
And she listened. She’d grown up right along with us. She knew the Gagnons and was well-versed in all the drama between our families. Of all the people in my life, Alicia was my safe space. I could tell her the truth, and I did.
We had been friends our whole lives, and when she moved down to Virginia to attend law school, we reconnected.
I was stationed down there, and though I didn’t miss Lovewell, I missed my brothers and my mother.
Alicia was the closest I could get to being with family.
She was lonely, too, and working her ass off. Damn, she was smart.
So we hung out, keeping each other company.
Right before my first deployment, we became more.
I was terrified and overwhelmed and headed into war, and I was desperate to cling to something comfortable and safe.
She was my rock. She supported me through three deployments.
When she got pregnant, it all seemed inevitable.
She and Merry and I would be a happy family.
But eventually, she wanted more. Though it wasn’t until she told me that she wasn’t in love with me that I even registered how unhappy she was. How complacent I had been.
She wanted to move back to Maine. Raise Merry near her parents. She was offered a position at a family law firm in Bangor, and by then, she was tired of military life. Tired of being left home to raise our child while I was overseas.
I assumed I’d fly until the Navy told me I was too old for it. That was my dream. But my daughter was more important. A happy, healthy child was my dream now. So I finished out my contract and came back.
And we’d been making it work ever since. As co-parents and as best friends. But by the way she was looking at me now, I knew I’d messed up.
When I’d finished, I fell silent, anxious for her feedback. Except all she did was sit back and drink her coffee while she considered me, probably running through every detail. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she spoke.
“You have feelings for her?”
I nodded.
“And it seems they are reciprocated. Or they were.”
Past tense.
“So why are you making this complicated? Talk to her.”
“I did. I tried,” I argued.
She rolled her eyes. This was where Merry got her sass. “She’s been through some serious trauma. As have you, by the way.”
I waved her off with a huff.
“A hot hookup in the woods is fun and all, but give her time to process and think. Then talk to her like an adult. Doesn’t have to be complicated.”
My stomach sank. Dammit. Sure sounded like she was taking Adele’s side here. “You’re supposed to be my best friend.”
“I am your best friend. I know you better than anyone on this earth. And I know that you go full speed all the time. You act before you think. You take risks with your body and your heart.” She pressed her lips together and gave me a sympathetic smile. “Not everyone is like that.”
She wasn’t wrong.
“And Adele Gagnon? Really?”
I hung my head as a wave of sorrow washed over me. “I know. She’s out of my league.”
She shuffled over and shoved me. “I’m not saying that at all. You are one of the greatest men I’ve ever met. Honorable and kind and true. She’d be lucky to have you. But she’s carrying around a lot of pain. She’s always been angry and distrustful. Even before her dad died.”
It was true. Adele was complicated and prickly on her best days. And she’d been hurt before. Hell, she’d been dumped on the night we kissed two years ago.
“Take a minute. Think about what you want. Then find a way to let her know you’re in this for as long as it takes. Show her you care without pressuring her.”
Alicia was beautiful, always had been, but since she’d gotten her dream job and found Mike, she was glowing. Her natural confidence shone through. She was living on her terms, and that was what I had always wanted for her.
“I’m really proud of you,” I said.
She tilted her head and frowned in response.
“Mean it. You’re crushing it. After wasting your twenties with me, you course corrected. And look at you now.”
She laughed and patted my cheek. “First of all, no time spent with you could ever be a waste. Yes, we weren’t soulmates, but we grew up together. You helped me learn to adult and encouraged me through so much. If not for you, I wouldn’t have grown into the woman I am today.”
“Sure.” My heart squeezed a little at that, but it was hard to believe that the self-centered idiot I was in my twenties could have helped anyone grow.
“Remember when I was ready to drop out of law school and you pushed me to keep going?”
I shrugged.
“And you were there, cheering for me, holding my hand, and taking all of my insults while I pushed out a nine-pound baby.”
I smiled, and my heart buoyed at the memory. “Best day of my life.”
She squeezed my hand. “Mine too.”
Merry decided to join us three weeks early. Like her dad, she couldn’t sit still, so she chose to make a grand entrance.
Alicia was in the parking lot of the grocery store when her water broke.
She called me and told me far too calmly that she was in labor.
I, on the other hand, panicked and rushed to her, worried our baby would be delivered outside a grocery store by strangers.
Little did I know that we wouldn’t meet our daughter for another twenty-seven hours.
“I love that little pain in the ass,” I said.
“Me too. And you deserve all the love.” She put a hand on my arm and squeezed. “There are so many different kinds. Now that I’ve found Mike, I know how special it can be. I want that for you.”
God, I was lucky. This woman very easily could have chosen to hate me and make my life miserable, but instead, she only wanted the best for me. I had a lot of work to do to be worthy of her and Merry, but she made it all seem within reach.
“I feel like such a fuckup. My family name is mud. And for so long, my identity was tied to the Navy, but now that part of my life is over. And to top it all off, I can’t provide for Merry the way you and Mike do.
Look at this house.” I held out an arm and scanned the open-concept space. “Look at the life you’re giving her.”
It only took about two heartbeats to wish I could go back in time and keep my mouth shut. Because I’d laid out every one of my insecurities, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for any more hard truths from my ex-girlfriend.
“Don’t you dare talk to my best friend slash baby daddy that way.
” Alicia said, her serious mom voice coming out.
“Our daughter is surrounded by loving adults who work their asses off to make her childhood magical. She wants for nothing. You are an amazing dad. Big houses and fancy gifts don’t change that. You, of all people, should know that.”
I nodded. Damn. There it was. The call-out. Growing up, all I got from my dad was material shit. A car, sports camps, random dinners out when he felt like it. He wasn’t there for the hard stuff. He didn’t listen when I needed advice or help with homework.
If I did something special, he’d show up and somehow be sure he took credit for it. He loved when we made him look good, but other than that, he either ignored me or belittled me.
He didn’t speak to me for a full year after I joined the Navy.
Told me I was throwing my life away. Little did he know that the Navy was what breathed life into me.
My time in the service helped me understand my purpose.
I learned how to be a good man because I was surrounded by them there.
He sure as shit didn’t teach me about values and honor and selflessness.
“We are a family. A damn good one. We may not be like the rest of town, but who even wants that? You have always been fearless. Going after what you want regardless of what others think about you. It’s one of your best qualities.
Being confident in who you are. And I hate to see you like this.
Riddled with self-doubt and anxieties. This isn’t you.
So if you like this girl, then go after her. ”
“I have been.” Since the moment I started at Gagnon Lumber, I’d been going out of my way to spend time with her, watch her, get to know all her quirks.
Hell, I’d been doing half of that before her brother hired me.
Watching her like a creep at the gym, at the diner, anywhere we’d run into each other.
“Good. So you’re not a total mess. Keep going. Don’t give up.”
“But my dad…”
Her nose flared as she threw up her hands. “You are your own man, Finn Hebert. And you’re the best kind. If she can’t see past your dad, then fuck her.