Gus
Acouple of years ago, I never would have believed I’d be willingly hanging out with my brothers every Thursday night. But a lot that had happened in the last year that defied belief.
So I was here.
At Finn’s house, drinking beers with my brothers, taking turns holding baby Thor.
Finn and Adele lived in a cozy cottage outside of town, with a massive garden and a screened-in porch. They had put an addition on when Finn moved in, and together, they’d made themselves a home.
Clem loved running around with Adele’s dog, and Jude’s too, and we humans could enjoy the summer night without constant attacks from the mosquitoes.
“What the hell are you wearing on your feet?” Finn asked, as I took a seat on a wicker chair.
I smiled proudly at my new boots. “These are my dress Tims.”
“What the fuck are dress Tims?” Jude asked, resting an arm on his knees. “Tims are for working.”
“Yeah,” Cole said, legs spread wide on the loveseat across from me. “Isn’t that some kind of crime against nature?”
“The only crime is how good I look,” I said, cracking a beer. “Suck it up, boys. I’m both the oldest and the handsomest.”
“He’s lost it,” Jude said. He was sitting on the floor, scratching his dog Ripley’s ears. She went everywhere with him, and it was a known fact that he talked to her more than he talked to us.
“Seriously,” Finn muttered. “What happened to you?”
I sipped my beer and considered his question. “I spent so many years desperate to save the company, and in the end, I failed.”
Every one of them grumbled, always trying to placate me, but I shook my head.
“For so long, I felt awful. Like I had let you all down. But now, I’m just an employee, a guy who punches the clock. And it feels great.”
Cole looked up at me, his brows pulled low in confusion. We’d only recently started to spend time together, and our relationship was still tense. “Are you seriously talking about how you feel right now?”
Finn raised an eyebrow.
With my elbows on the armrests, I sat forward and nodded. You’d think that after my life’s dream had been destroyed, I’d be down and out. But I was shockingly okay.
“Who are you?” Finn asked, bouncing Thor gently. “I don’t think I’ve ever once heard you even acknowledge the existence of feelings, and you’re always scowling.”
“That’s just my face,” I said. “And I can talk about shit.”
The three of them exchanged nervous glances.
“So now that you’re all open and shit”—Finn shook his head—“you gonna tell us the full story of your ex-wife? You’ve been cagey.”
“I think he had a personality transplant,” Jude said, shoving a handful of pretzels into his mouth. “Coulda been the Boston trip.”
Finn hummed. “Boston’s a medical hub. I bet they’ve got all kinds of procedures that correct chronic assholery.”
“Fuck off.” I threw a tortilla chip at Jude. It bounced off his forehead, and when it hit the floor, Ripley snatched it up and chomped down on it.
Putting into words what had happened between Chloe and me seemed impossible. It was mind-blowing sex, but so much more. We’d connected and laughed and yelled, and then we’d let ourselves get lost in one another. And it had changed me.
A perfect storm of emotions was raging within me. While they, like normal people, had probably grown and evolved slowly over time, I’d always been an overachiever. When I decided to do something, I committed 100 percent of myself to the task.
That’s how I ended up at technical school. And how I ended up competing in lumberjack competitions and making chainsaw art. I always jumped in with both feet.
And after feeling so stuck for so long, it just made sense to pivot.
“Things happen for a reason. And some greater power brought Chloe back. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but why be closed-off and angry when I can embrace the possibilities instead?”
“Should we call a doctor?” Cole asked, laughing. “I think he’s officially lost it.”
“I’ve been reading Brené Brown,” I explained.
Finn let out a chuckle. “Mom got to you too, huh?”
I dipped my chin. “I started with her TED Talk.”
Jude shook his head. “The TED Talk is the Brené gateway drug. You gotta fight it, dude.”
“And then it was podcasts,” I continued.
“And the next thing you knew, you were staying up all night weeping while reading Daring Greatly?” Finn finished. “Fuck, that book is so good.” He looked down and cooed at his son, who was starting to wake up.
Jude shook his head. “You gotta stay away from Mom’s self-improvement shit.”
Finn laughed. “You’re dead wrong. Best thing I ever did. I had to evolve to win a woman like Adele. I had to own my shit, deal with my past, and embrace a growth mindset.”
Our younger brothers looked dubious.
“You’ll get there eventually,” Finn said sagely, smoothing a hand over Thor’s head. “When you fall in love and realize you’ve got to deal with all your baggage to be good for someone else.”
When the hell had Finn become so wise? I supposed it didn’t really matter.
I agreed with him wholeheartedly. The change was painful.
Facing the truths about who I was and who I wanted to be was a challenge.
But the more effort I put into it, the less terrifying it was.
Because she was here. And I’d be an idiot if I didn’t do everything I could to earn a second chance.
“How’s the festival planning going?” I pointed at Cole with my beer. After a year of lying on my mom’s couch, drinking and getting high, he’d been forced to do court-mandated community service. Turned out that community service entailed being in charge of reviving the town festival.
He was a good kid. Messed up and in need of direction, but well-intentioned. I was worried about him, but every day, he was improving.
His face brightened. “Good, actually. We’ve signed on some big sponsors, and I’ve got the permits all set. Now I’m working on recruiting vendors.”
“Nice.” Finn held out his beer bottle and Cole tapped his against it.
“Long way to go, but I think we’ll pull it off.”
“We’re here to help you,” Jude said.
I nodded in agreement. Cole was the youngest and technically my half-brother.
I was eleven when my parents divorced and dad married Cole’s mom.
Growing up, he was around, and my mother had done more for him than his own had.
But there was a strange separation between him and the rest of us.
He’d always been Dad’s favorite—the hockey star, the untouchable kid who got everything he ever wanted.
I’d resented him for a long time, but it had recently become clear just how much he’d suffered too.
So I was working on it. Engaging with him, supporting him, and giving him the same brotherly support and care I gave the other four bozos.
I was the oldest brother; it was my job to make sure they were all okay.
Finn asked him a million questions about the festival, and then the conversation turned to the old inn.
A couple of buyers were engaged in a bidding war over the property, and it was the talk of the town.
Reopening would help reestablish Lovewell as a tourist destination, which would, in turn, dramatically change things here.
Lovewell had declined as the timber industry did, but lately, our community had begun to level out.
“Have you heard from Noah?” Finn asked Jude. While Noah had been distant for years, he and Jude had that strange connection that only twins shared. Noah had headed out west at eighteen, and he rarely visited.
Jude shook his head. “It’s been a couple of weeks. I’ve been feeling off, like something might be wrong.”
“Should we be worried?”
“Not yet. It’s wildfire season, so he’s dealing with a heightened level of stress. That could be it. He’s off the grid a lot, and reception is tough. I’ll give him a few days and then call his unit chief if I need to.”
Noah was the family daredevil. He’d never met a risk he wouldn’t take, and he’d followed those instincts out west. In the winter, he worked in wilderness search and rescue, rappelling out of helicopters to rescue people from avalanches.
In the summer, he fought wildfires. I was proud of him, but he still scared the shit out of me.
After a second round of beers and a pizza delivery, Finn decided to butt his nose back into my business again.
“Can we circle back to Gus, guys?”
Cole and Jude looked up from where they were stuffing their faces.
Finn raised his brows. “He has an ex-wife.”
I kept my mouth shut and focused on my own pizza.
“And he’s clearly still in love with her,” Jude added.
“How does that even work?” Cole mused.
Despite my attempts to ignore them, the three of them stared at me. Fuck them for knowing how to get under my skin. Even baby Thor loudly sucked on his pacifier, waiting for my answer.
I did not want to talk about this anymore. I thought we’d just shoot the shit, and I’d go home.
“Gentlemen,” I said simply. “It’s not complicated.”
“Yes, it is. She’s back. What does that mean?” Finn asked. “Are you interested? Is she?” His questions hit me rapid fire and I wasn’t ready to even begin to think about the answers.
Annoyed, I gritted out, “I don’t know, okay? All I know is she’s here. And I want to find out. See what could be.”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell us you were married?”
I ran my hand down my beard. The shorter hair was strange. I liked it, though. As always, Becca was right. I’d needed to clean myself up.
“I was twenty. I was in technical school in Heartsborough.”
Jude nodded. “I remember that.”
“Dad thought it would be helpful to have an electrician on staff. Said it would be a way for me to contribute to the company.” I’d been living in the tiny apartment above Dad’s garage, trying to learn how to be a man and mostly failing.
“Chloe worked at the coffee shop. I’d go there every day just to stare at her, working up the courage to talk to her. ”
The baby fussed in Finn’s arms, distracting me.
“She-Ra,” Finn said, using the nickname he’d given Adele. He stood and bounced his son. “Thor’s hungry, and you need to hear this story.”