Chapter Four #3
“No. I know the Vale. Everything is precious. People struggle for what they have, and you gave my selfish brother everything you had to give in that moment. Then, when I tried to save as many of your belongings as I could, I find out you’re smart, too.
Someone striving to be more than their environment allows. I admired you right then and there.
“And every moment after, I’ve found more and more reasons to like you.
I was glad I had a reason to keep seeking you out.
I needed to protect you the instant I saw your bruises.
I wanted you near me—” He lifts my chin forcing me to see the truth in his eyes.
“—within my sight.” His thumb strokes my jawline.
“GPS tagged, under my cameras…and yes, that makes me a bastard, but I won’t lie.
Do I care about you? Yes. Was I terrified today?
Yes. Do I fully understand it? God, no.” He steps away, dropping contact.
“There aren’t many things in my life I care about.
I can count them all on one hand, but I’m glad you’re one of them. ”
I look at Aiden, unsure how to process this confession. He simply nods as though encouraging me to believe it.
“I’m going to fuck up,” Dax continues, staring at his feet before looking up and into my eyes. “It’s probably the only assurance I can offer you,” he laughs coldly. “I tend to fuck up the things I care about most. It’s not much of a consolation…”
“Probably just as bad as your jealousy,” Aiden teases.
“Yeah. There’s that too.”
“So, you were jealous?” I ask, “Of Koko?”
Aiden’s laughter draws my attention. “And don’t forget poor Ben.”
Oh God, poor Ben. “Did you really punch him?” I ask.
He gives me his excuse, which I take as confirmation. “He’s been stalking you.”
“Pretty sure he’s been stalking everyone,” I remark with a shrug.
Which reminds me—. I get up and march across the room to the back of the bed, searching the walls on either side for a handle or a crack in the paintwork.
There! A small latch is recessed into the wall at waist height and is designed to look like a light switch but knowing better—Click—I press the switch and the door swings open.
I check in the dark for Ben, but he’s not there.
“How did you even know?” Dax asks.
“How else?”
“Mouse.” Dax nods. “This passage is secure. Keypad locks on the inside and at the exit at the other end.”
“So, he can’t sneak up here and listen in?”
“He knows better,” Dax warns but I wonder if he’s aware of who Ben is now, or if he’s just recalling the boy he used to know from the Vale. It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to be sure I wouldn’t be overheard or blackmailed later.
“What’s going on in that cunning little mind of yours, Tiger? It’s like you just flipped a switch and I’m not talking escape tunnels,” Aiden teases.
“I’m thinking that you’re not my lifelines,” I tell Aiden, knowing he’ll catch the reference from our previous conversation. “I didn’t run to you, or Cas, or the compound, or anyone new. I ran to Charlie and Koko, and I relied on myself to get away.”
“And we’re proud of you for getting away…” Dax interrupts, not understanding.
Aiden shakes his head. There’s a smile on his lips, as if he knows what I’m trying to say. “Let her finish, D.”
I suck in a breath and, with it, all my resolve.
“I’m also thinking I’d like to thank you sometime soon for helping me transfer to Harrison University, but right now, I’m going to be a little selfish.
” He needs to know that what happens next isn’t a trauma response, or a grab for security, or payback, or thanks.
It’s a consensual arrangement. It’s something I want, and I hope he… they…might want too.
“Selfish?” Dax murmurs.
“I think selfish is a wonderful idea, Tiger.” Aiden slides in behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, nuzzling my neck. His touch, his encouragement, lend me the strength I need to push out the words. To lay bare my intention and my needs.
“You owe me an orgasm, Dax. I’m interested in collecting, and if you don’t want to give it to me, I’ll ask Aiden.”
Fuck. That was too bold. The wording…if he takes offence…so much could go wrong, but I’ve never seduced anyone in my life. I don’t even really know what I’m asking for or how it would work with all three of us in the equation, but I made the first move. Albeit a stumbling one.
Dax strides forward, almost joining me in the centre of the room, where all three of us seem to have gravitated. Meeting in the middle seems like a perfect way to begin whatever this is.
But he stops a step or two short. I watch as doubt clouds his expression. “Are you sure this isn’t just a response to…I thought you didn’t…?”
Time for some honesty on my part too, it seems. “And I thought you didn’t care. That you were playing with me. I thought I wasn’t even worthy of being compared to your ex.”
The horror that crosses Dax’s face tells me I read it wrong. Aiden was right.
“No! No, Jules! It’s not about worth. There is no comparison between the two of you, but not because of what I felt for her. It’s because of everything I feel for you.”
“Smooth,” Aiden whispers, and the double skipping thump in my chest seems to agree.
But Dax isn’t done. “I’m sorry I made you think that and can’t even explain…”
I shake my head. I don’t want him to take any more responsibility on his shoulders. He doesn’t have to save every situation. And getting mired in shoulda woulda coulda’s will kill the possibility of us just enjoying tonight.
“You don’t have to. Not until you’re ready. I —” Dax doesn’t give me the chance tell him how long I’ll wait or how resolutely I’ll stand by. He presses his mouth to mine and holds my words hostage between us until they don’t even matter anymore.
His kiss is deep. Slow. It holds meaning.
As he pulls back, staring into my eyes and asking if I’m okay with just a look, I realise I’m safe.
For the first time in a long time, I’m where I want to be, and with the people I want to be with.
A settling sensation sinks into my bones, relieving the tension and weariness.
Is this peace?
Aiden pulls away gently, and a little of the rightness fades into cold.
“You’re going?” I ask.
He nods. “You and Dax have some making up to do. There’ll be other chances for us to play together. For now, I’m going to leave you both to it.” Aiden leans in and kisses me just as gently as Dax did, lingering to leave the taste of sugar and cinnamon on my lips.
Next, he embraces Dax, touching their foreheads together in the way sportsmen do sometimes. “Use that mouth wisely, Dax. If words get you in trouble, then use them to get yourself out of it.”
“I plan on it.”
They pull apart, and two sets of hungry eyes trail my body. Fuck. It’s too damn intense.
Aiden sighs longingly and turns to leave.
And as much as I want him to stay, he’s only going because I’m not quite ready for them both.
Not yet.