Chapter 22
CHELSEA
“Do you want us to call anyone?” the nurse asked, resting a comforting hand on Chelsea’s shoulder.
Chelsea gritted her teeth and shook her head. “There isn’t anyone,” she said. “My mother lives in Portland.”
“And… the father?” The nurse didn’t look embarrassed at the question. Chelsea supposed it was one she had to ask a lot.
“He won’t be joining us,” Chelsea said.
Unlike the nurse, she did feel embarrassed.
A part of her wanted to offer explanations — to clarify that she hadn’t been abandoned, that she hadn’t had a one-night stand, that her pregnancy had been intentional and that what was happening now was…
well, it wasn’t what she had planned. But it wasn’t that far off.
I said I’d do it alone. Right from the start, I told myself I could do it on my own.
But she hadn’t really been prepared for how it would feel to be in this hospital room on her own, gritting her teeth through contractions with nobody’s hand to hold. Knowing that by the end of the day, her baby would be in her arms, and that she would have no one to smile and celebrate with.
“All right.” The nurse had clearly taken Chelsea’s situation in stride. “That’s just fine. I’m going to have the doctor come in and do a quick examination so we can see how far along you are. Can I get you anything?”
“Water?” Chelsea asked hopefully.
The nurse smiled, sympathy in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but no,” she said.
“Nothing to eat or drink until after the delivery. Although, once that’s over, you can have whatever you want — if you’d like to make a list. When I have mothers who are flying solo, I like to help them out by bringing in a meal for afterward. ”
Chelsea’s eyes filled with tears. “That’s… unbelievably kind. And you really don’t have to do that.”
“Nonsense. Write down what you’d like on that notepad.”
“What’s your name?” Chelsea asked.
“Ellen,” the nurse said, smiling. “And it’s an honor to be with you and your baby today.” She gave Chelsea a quick nod and stepped out of the room, presumably to go and find the doctor.
Chelsea was overwhelmed by the kindness.
To have someone here who was willing — eager — to do nice things for her, it meant the world.
It made her feel less alone, which she was sure had been Ellen’s intent.
She looked over at the notepad and tried to think of what might be a good post-delivery meal.
But no thoughts came.
If she could have had anything she wanted right now, she realized, it wouldn’t be food.
It would be Miles. She had imagined this moment a thousand times, and in her head, he had always been by her side.
Even after she had moved out of his house, she’d pictured doing this with him — never on her own.
It broke her heart that he was missing it. She knew she probably should have told Trudy where he could find her. But what if she’d told her and he hadn’t bothered to come? It would have crushed her, and she didn’t need that kind of pain.
Better to keep control of the situation. Better to know that he isn’t here because I gave him no way to be here.
She heard the sound of the door opening and dabbed at her eyes, which had begun to water at the thought of Miles. She didn’t want to cry in front of the doctor. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Give me just a moment.”
The voice that came back was deep, rich, achingly familiar. “I’ll give you whatever you need.” Her head jerked up, and she gasped.
Miles Aspin stood in the doorway. His hair was windswept, less orderly than she had ever seen it in all the time she had known him. He was dressed in a suit, and she was sure he had come here from the office.
But this had to be a daydream. An illusion. “Miles?”
His jaw clenched almost imperceptibly. “You made me work for this, didn’t you? You couldn’t have told Trudy where you were?”
“I… how did you find out?”
“She called every hospital in Austin. You didn’t think I’d give up easily, did you?”
“I don’t know,” Chelsea admitted. “I didn’t know what you would— Oh!”
A contraction had seized her, making it impossible to carry on the conversation. She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, waiting for it to pass, breathing the way she had learned from watching birthing videos online.
And then Miles was there, his big, firm hands on her shoulders. “Just relax,” he murmured. “You’re doing great. I’m sorry, I know I’m supposed to tell you how much longer, but I haven’t been here to time them…”
The contraction intensified briefly, and then it passed. Chelsea sighed and went limp. Miles kept his hands on her shoulders, bracing her. “Are you all right?”
“Yes. It really isn’t that bad.”
“Not that bad? It looked terrible.” His voice was tight and tense. “Shouldn’t they give you something for the pain?”
“They will when I’m a little further along. Miles — what are you doing here?”
“What do you mean?” He pulled back and looked at her. “This is the birth of our child.”
“I know, but… you haven’t spoken to me in weeks.”
He hung his head. “I know,” he said quietly. “I was… I don’t know. Embarrassed. Afraid. All kinds of shameful things. And I thought maybe you didn’t want to talk to me, and that was why you left. I know the way I treated you at the end there was…”
“Stop.” She took his hand. “We’re not going to think about that.”
She wouldn’t have believed it. If someone had asked her just this morning, she would have said she was going to need a long and heartfelt apology from him, for the way he had acted toward her.
She would have been sure of it. But looking at him now, seeing the way his eyes were downcast and his shoulders were slumped, she knew she didn’t need that at all.
Everything about him screamed how sorry he was, how full of regret.
“I made mistakes too,” she told him. “I overreacted. I knew you were hurting. You had just found out about your father. I shouldn’t have taken things so seriously.”
“We both know it wasn’t just that one day,” he said. “I had been hot and cold with you for months.”
She was quiet. That was true.
“Chelsea… you’re my family,” he said, the words coming out all in a rush.
“You and that baby. You’re all I have left now, and you’re all I want.
I was afraid to let you in, and that was the biggest mistake I think I’ll ever make in my life, because I might have lost you.
Maybe I did lose you. I don’t know. God, I hope I didn’t. ”
She shook her head, tears coming to her eyes, but she couldn’t speak.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away for so long,” he said. “I think I knew that if I stopped pushing, if I let you in… you wouldn’t be the one to keep us apart.”
“I tried,” she whispered. “I tried to stay away from you. After that kiss all those months ago, I tried even harder. I—” Agonizingly, another contraction pulsed through her body. This time she caught Miles’s hand as she grimaced in pain.
He leaned in and pressed his lips to her temple. “I’m here,” he murmured. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you alone ever again, Chelsea. Not unless you tell me to go.”
The pain subsided, and Chelsea let out a sob. She wasn’t sure if it was coming from the pain or from the chaos of her emotions — it was probably both.
He had taken her other hand and moved to perch on the side of her bed.
He was so close. She didn’t think she had been this close to him since the night of the kiss, the night the baby had first kicked.
Such a long time ago — so much had happened since that night.
And yet, here he was, telling her he had been wrong.
Telling her that he still cared for her.
“I know I should have managed my expectations,” she said. “I know we had an arrangement — we agreed on what we were doing together. I shouldn’t have expected that to change.”
“But it did change,” Miles said. “It changed for me. These last few weeks have been hell. So many times, I told myself to pick up the phone and call you. To let you know that I couldn’t fathom being without you.
And then I’d think better of it, because what if you didn’t want to see me? What if you didn’t want to talk to me?”
“I always wanted to talk to you,” she murmured.
“Every day. Every day I told myself that if I could get through one day more, I would let myself call you. That you probably just needed space and time. I knew we had to sort out our situation. And then, every time, I was too afraid, because I was sure you would tell me that we should settle things from a distance.”
“I think we can agree distance isn’t working,” Miles said.
“No,” Chelsea said, smiling through her tears. “It’s better together. It always has been.”
“Chelsea…” He sighed. “I think I’m in love with you.”
The words made her heart twang. He’d said it out loud — the thing she had carried around for so long. The thing she had been afraid to admit even to herself. It rang in her ears.
“I love you too,” she whispered. “I… I have for a long time.”
“I’m so sorry it took me this long to realize it,” he said. “Being without you made me see how much I needed you with me — but it shouldn’t have taken that separation to open my eyes. It’ll never happen again. If you take me back, I’ll be by your side forever. Say you can forgive me.”
“There isn’t anything to forgive,” she assured him.
“This has been an absolute rollercoaster for both of us. It’s taken both of us time to figure out our feelings and how we want to handle them, and I can’t be upset with you for that.
I just hope you won’t be upset with me. I’ll never walk out like that again.
Even if you upset me, I’ll stay and we’ll figure things out together. ”
Miles’s face broke into the most open, radiant smile she had ever seen there.
He was so unguarded in that moment that she nearly let out a gasp.
He looked like a different man. It was a version of Miles that she had been getting glimpses of all this time.
When they had built the crib, when they’d looked at his old baby things, the night she had found him in the kitchen and they had confessed their fears about the future. All those little human moments.
The moments when you look at each other and feel sure that you’re understanding one another perfectly, in a way nobody else ever has. That was what Heather had said. And looking at Miles now, that was exactly what Chelsea felt.
No one had ever known her like he did. No one ever would. And to hear him talk about it, he felt exactly the same way about her. In spite of everything, he had come for her. He was here with her.
How did this happen? After all the chaos, after the random way we met and the unorthodox journey we’ve had — how did I end up in love with the man who fathered my child, after all?
She could only decide that she must be the luckiest woman in the world.