Chapter 54
Ivy
We turn the TV on while we’re waiting for our food deliveries.
I read the press release about ten times in the car on the way back here, but I still can’t believe Benedict would pull a stunt like that.
The wedding has finished by the time we get back, but we needn’t worry.
The BBC is playing the entire thing on repeat, looping and looping and pulling in multiple ‘experts’ for emergency commentary.
My eyes, though, are glued to the footage of Benedict and Selena emerging from the church.
‘Ohmygod she looks amazing,’ Lily says.
‘Doesn’t she? She’s wearing Dior Couture,’ I tell her. I can be far more magnanimous now that Selena isn’t marrying my man. Besides, she really does look gorgeous.
‘She looks lovely,’ Xav says, sliding in behind me and winding his hands around my tummy, ‘and I have exactly zero regrets.’
He kisses my hair, and my smile turns soppy as I stare at the TV. ‘They look great together.’
They really do. Benedict is in full morning suit and looks extremely hot.
Selena looks like a supermodel in her bridal couture.
They even have the same hair colour: a medium, glossy brown.
He’s grinning from ear to ear, and she definitely looks a lot more relieved than she was when she got out of her car earlier.
Jesus. No wonder she was shitting herself before the ceremony.
Being passed around between two brothers, days before the wedding she’d waited her whole life for, like some medieval chattel in the historical romance books I like, but in a far less sexy way.
I can’t imagine how rough the past week has been for her.
How stressful. What a total and utter head-fuck.
I’m beginning to realise that I, not Selena, have been the villain in this story.
She’s spent her entire life psyching herself up to marry a guy who fell in love with someone else and bailed on her at the very last minute.
So, honestly, seeing her looking less tense now that she’s tied the knot with a de Vere is a huge relief.
And, speaking of relief, that’s the exact expression she’s wearing now.
On the telly, Benedict raises their joined hands and shouts, ‘We did it!’ as the BBC’s ticker tape continues its valiant efforts to summarise the scandalous events of the past couple of hours.
Selena’s smile looks genuine before he drops their hands and pulls her into a kiss that’s definitely racier than the majority of content on the BBC.
She may not be beaming with happiness, but she certainly seems amused by her new husband.
‘Nice one, Benedict,’ I say.
‘And the press just got their money shot for tomorrow’s front pages,’ Xav mutters into my hair. ‘I can’t wait to see what headlines they’ll come up with.’
‘Never have I seen two very small people put away quite so much food,’ Xav says as he puts the lids back on the few takeaway containers that didn’t get decimated by my sisters.
‘You can’t blame them. That was very good Chinese.
’ He didn’t Uber Eats it like normal people would but called up some posh restaurant in South Kensington and had them drive an actual banquet over.
Every bite was orgasmic. How he pulled that off on New Year’s Eve will remain one of life’s great mysteries.
I’d be sad that there isn’t much left for a leftovers breakfast tomorrow, but he did include plenty of Birds Eye fish-fingers in the emergency Uber Eats grocery shop that he unwisely let the twins loose on.
‘A chance for you to earn your keep tomorrow,’ he said with a grin, waving them at me before he put them in the freezer, along with the four cartons of Ben & Jerry’s that the girls are now working their way through in the sumptuous den.
Serving my gorgeous rescuer up an epic, Jan’s Caff-style fish-finger sarnie in bed tomorrow?
That I can do.
As Xav finishes putting the paltry Chinese leftovers in his vast fridge, I look around the kitchen.
This beautiful room holds a lot of memories for me.
Meeting Flora for the first time and feeling far too affected by my proximity to Xav.
Fishing that Tatler out of the bin—a definite low point—and weeping over his and Selena’s picture-perfect photo shoot.
And let’s not forget walking in here, sex-drunk in our robes, and coming face to face with his mum.
I shiver. That was fucking brutal. Not sure I’ll ever get over the horror.
He pulls me into his arms, and I loop mine around his neck.
‘I can’t believe I’m here.’
‘Better get used to it.’
‘I can’t believe you came back for me.’
‘Always. Always.’ He finds my mouth again.
His lips are soft. Supple. I allow myself to melt into it, to let the feel of his body against mine, his mouth against mine, ground me.
My world may have been turned upside down in the best possible way this afternoon, but I can always find time to pause and indulge in a dreamy kiss.
Figuring out the rest of my life can wait for a moment.
‘Let’s go somewhere more comfortable,’ he says.
He leads me through to one of the lovely drawing rooms across the hall.
It’s papered in a beautiful smoky-grey wallpaper that makes the room feel intimate on a dark, cold midwinter’s evening like this, and the fire, which Xav lit before we sat down to dinner, is blazing nicely.
He’s such a Boy Scout, but also such a grown-up. A natural caregiver.
He flops down on one of the two smart white sofas, shuffling until he’s fully horizontal, and slaps his thighs. ‘Get on me, woman.’
I go gladly, lowering myself on top of him, and he lets out a happy sigh.
At least, I think it’s a happy sigh. It could just be the combined weight of me and my Peking duck forcing all the air out of his lungs.
‘How are you doing?’ he asks, reaching up to comb his fingers through my hair.
‘Great. I’m sorry my hair is dirty.’
‘Your hair is beautiful. And I’m sorry you thought I was walking down the aisle with someone else. Although, obviously, if you hadn’t blocked my number, you could have spared yourself some heartache this week. I think it’s called karma.’
I laugh. The pain I felt earlier is still there, but the happiness of now is a pink cloud of an eraser, rubbing away at its sharp edges. ‘You’re probably right. But I still can’t get over that press release. Your brother is insane.’
‘Tell me about it. That didn’t stop him from looking very bloody pleased with himself.’
‘He should be pleased with himself. He saved the day, and he saved me from a lifetime without you,’ I say, stroking my fingertips over his stubble. ‘I still can’t really believe today has ended like this.’
‘Never has the end of a year looked so monumentally shit as it did last week,’ Xav says, ‘and never has the year ahead looked so incredibly bright as it does now.’
‘Seriously.’
‘There’s something I want to do even more than making love to you,’ he says, stroking down my back until his big hands are palming my arse. I’m in my oldest, tattiest yoga pants, but he seems to like how thin they are because he squeezes hard.
‘Well, that’s good news, because displacement theory says I’d puke if you put your enormous dick inside me right now.’
‘Can you guess what it is? It’s something we never got to do.’
‘I’m assuming it’s not anal, because that would be a whole other level of displacement theory.’ I shudder to imagine. Anal and the amount of egg-fried rice I’ve just consumed would not be compatible.
He smiles at me, and it’s beautiful.
‘Not anal. Planning.’ He watches me carefully, as if he’s voicing his most taboo desire and he’s not sure how I’ll react. ‘We never got to make a single plan together, and now all I want to do is make plans with you—and the girls, obviously. So many plans. Plans for days. Months. Years.’
‘Planning.’ I repeat the word back to him, letting my tongue slide over it.
It even sounds pretty. Sensual. It might just be our new love language.
I’m growing warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.
It’s as if my broken, shrivelled heart is opening up into this great big golden expanse of time and space and possibility.
‘I meant what I said to Dawn,’ he tells me, looking up at me with a serious expression.
His hands roam up my back. ‘I’m going to marry you as soon as I think I can get away with it.
Partly for boring, practical reasons—I don’t ever want you and the twins to be unprotected, financially or legally, but partly for very un-boring reasons, such as you being the love of my life, and my needing to be able to call you my wife more than I need my next breath. ’
I stare down at him, at this gorgeous, soulful human who has obliterated absolutely everything he thought he stood for in order to be with me.
The swell of emotions inside my heart is so much that they soar to fill that great big golden expanse like butterflies released from captivity.
Those same emotions are leaking out through my eyes, too, and a huge tear plops onto Xav’s cheek.
‘I can’t believe that about two hours ago I thought you were marrying someone else, and now you’re talking about marrying me,’ I confess. ‘It’s the coolest surprise I’ve ever had. I’m not sure when it will sink in.’
He reaches one hand around so he can wipe away my tears with his thumb. His touch is so gentle.
‘Hopefully soon, so we can get on with it.’
That gets him a watery smile. ‘You just escaped from one marriage. Don’t you think you should take a break first?’
‘Nope.’ He shakes his head at me. ‘Coming that close to having to go through with it put the fear of God into me. I’ve felt like a condemned man for months now, and now I’m free, there’s only one thing I want to do with my freedom. And that’s spend every single day of it with you.’
I kiss him to show him how much I like that idea and then pull back.