Chapter 54 #2
‘But it’s not just me you’d be spending it with. In case you hadn’t noticed, I come with a few hangers-on, and they’re not exactly low maintenance.’
‘They’re hard to miss,’ he says, ‘but, aside from the very real risk of the twins bankrupting the De Vere Estate with their Uber Eats habit, I’m all in.’
His smile is just as easy as the way in which he promises to take on me and my three dependents, as if I’m someone he owes and not a total random he’s only known for two or three months.
He laughs at the look on my face. ‘You seem to think you’re going to scare me off, sweetheart, and you’re not. A lifetime with Selena—now that’s scary. You don’t scare me, Dawn doesn’t scare me, and your sisters definitely don’t scare me.’
‘But taking on two teenagers—someone else’s kids,’ I babble. ‘That’s, like, an insane level of commitment.’
‘What am I going to do? Refuse to commit to you because you’ve given over your life to caring for your family members? Ship the girls off to boarding school in Switzerland? I know what I’m getting myself into, and I’m up for it. All of it. Bring on the mess.’
‘B-but I don’t want you to feel like you have to bail us out,’ I stammer. ‘Especially if your family cut you off.’
‘What are you going to do instead—go back to Alchemy?’ The stern look on his face would give the game away even if the pointed way he says it didn’t.
Shit. He knows.
‘How did you know?’
‘Genevieve told my brother. So I had a double incentive to get down here fast.’
‘I had to,’ I say. ‘I have to get the girls out of that flat. There’s a guy next door who— I don’t like the way he looks at them. And he’s fucking massive. I didn’t have any choice.’
‘I know who you mean,’ he says grimly. ‘He was sniffing about when I got there, too.’
Jesus Christ. I shudder.
‘Listen to me, sweetheart,’ he says. ‘You’re such an incredible guardian for those girls.
The sacrifices you make—no one would ever judge you for going back to Alchemy.
You did what you had to do. But here’s the thing.
I’m here now, and I would very much like the first part of our plan to be you calling Genevieve and telling her you’re not coming back.
Because you don’t need to anymore. You’ll never need to. ’
‘But you won’t have any money,’ I protest. ‘Will you even have a job after this?’
He presses his lips together for a moment, amused.
‘I appreciate your concern, but it’s all good.
One of the reasons Ben stepped up was that, once he’s head of the family, he’ll be able to call the shots.
He’s determined that he and I will continue to run the estate together as we have been doing.
He hasn’t exactly been prepared to fill Pa’s shoes, after all.
But I’m not going anywhere. We’ll have a few coppers to rub together, don’t you worry. ’
That’s a huge relief. Xavier is so conscientious. That his dad could try to cut him out of their family affairs so brutally is unspeakably cruel.
‘I’m glad you’ll be able to work with your brother,’ I tell him, pushing his hair back off his face so I can pepper it with kisses. ‘You wouldn’t be you if you couldn’t do your duty.’
When I rear back up on my elbows, he’s smiling up at me. ‘I’ve always liked to think of myself as the dutiful one, but you’ve left me in the dust. And now I’m here to make sure that you and your family can catch a fucking break, and—’
His phone rings in his pocket, and he manages to fish it out. I clamber off him so he can sit upright.
He flashes it at me. ‘Flora’s FaceTiming.’
‘Answer it!’
He swipes to answer and Flora’s face appears, along with her voice over a wall of noise.
‘Hi! Did you find her? Oh my God, it’s crazy here!’
He turns the screen to me again, and she starts screaming and jumping up and down.
‘Yay! You found her! That’s amazing!’
‘I found her. Thank fuck.’ He scoots in next to me and puts his arm around me as I wave and smile at her.
‘Hi, babe. I saw you on TV earlier! You looked gorgeous.’
She brushes the compliment off. She really does look gorgeous, though.
‘Hang on.’ The main upstairs corridor of Belvedere flashes past, and I catch a glimpse of aggressive floral wallpaper. She’s barricaded herself in a bedroom. ‘Whew! That’s better. It’s like a circus down there.’
‘Are you sitting on the loo?’ Xav asks.
‘Yeah, but the lid is down. I’m dying for a pee, though.’
He makes a face. I giggle.
‘So everyone survived the wedding?’ he asks. ‘How did the announcement go down?’
‘It was crazy. Like, obviously the bishop read the announcement before we walked in, so we didn’t get to hear it, but the church was so noisy.
Everyone was gossiping, especially when Selena walked down the aisle.
And when the bishop pronounced them husband and wife, Ben gave Selena this massive snog and everyone went absolutely apeshit, like, screaming and clapping.
It was so funny. I think, honestly, that they were all so freaked out by the groom switch that it made them go a little insane. ’
‘Jesus,’ I whisper. A part of me would quite like to have been there to see how it all went down.
I can’t imagine how gobsmacked the guests must have been.
What a head-fuck, to turn up to one man’s wedding and have his brother show up instead—especially when he’s been expected his whole life to marry this woman.
‘Shit.’ Xav drags his hand over his face. ‘So she’s okay?’
Flora cocks her head. ‘I think so. I mean, she’s still pretty shell-shocked. But you know Ben. He’s good at chilling her out. He seems to be treating it all as some big game, but he’s in high spirits, so I guess it’s infectious.’
‘I can’t even imagine how she’s feeling right now,’ I murmur. Probably like someone’s hit her over the head with a very heavy encyclopaedia from the Belvedere library.
‘They’re both adults,’ Xav says. ‘They made their choices. Of course I feel shitty about it all, but I tried to throw her a lifeline. I tried to make her realise that this was her chance to walk away, but I suppose her priorities are different from mine. I feel far worse for Ben, to be honest.’
‘He’ll be okay,’ Flora says. ‘He’s Ben. I have to pee before the photoshoot, but will I be seeing you soon, Ivy? Are you and the girls coming to live with me?’
I know Xav’s been going on about us staying here, but it’s obviously impossible. I can’t inflict myself and two chaotic and demanding teens on Flora’s privileged London existence, even if Xav doesn’t want us going back to the tower block.
‘No,’ I say regretfully. ‘Of course not. But I’m dying to see you. We’ll have to do coffee when your term starts.’
Her face falls. ‘But I was counting on it. Xav said he’d persuade you. I hate being there all on my own—it’s so big and scary. Please, Ivy, even if it’s just for a couple of months, until you work stuff out at your end. We’ll have so much fun! It’s not too far from the girls’ school, is it?’
I hesitate. I’ve had to manage everything on my own for a long time now. It’s a point of pride for me. I don’t want to inflict my burden, my issues, on the de Veres any more than I already have. Xav’s paying for Dawn’s care home fees; he can’t go bankrolling us all.
‘I think what Ivy hasn’t quite grasped yet,’ he says to Flora, tightening his grip on me, ‘is that she and the girls are family. At least, they will be as soon as I can get my way, but, as far as I’m concerned, they already are.
And we look after each other in this family—well, my beloved parents aside.
’ He plants a kiss on my temple. ‘And that means that we can live wherever they want, but this place is the easiest place to shack up until we’ve worked out our next steps. ’
He makes it sound like we’ll be biding our time in some transient motel and not an enormous ice cream of a mansion in one of the most desirable areas in London.
‘Exactly,’ Flora says. ‘You could fit ten families in there, so it’s not an issue. Besides, I might try to find a flat with some friends in the spring. You know, get into the uni spirit a bit more. So you’d have the place to yourselves, basically.’
When she’s rung off, citing the now-desperate need to pee, Xav gathers me up, pulling my legs over his.
‘It probably seems like I’m strong-arming you, and I’m sorry. I just want to make it crystal clear that you have options now. Every option under the sun. As long as they all include me, obviously.’
Options, I decide, are just as addictive a concept as plans.
Both make that great golden expanse inside my heart pulse.
One of the cruellest things about the brutal poverty my family has been living in is the spectacular lack of options available.
It’s been like having your chest crushed under an iron bar, and that feeling has only grown more acute since we moved into that horrific council estate.
When you’re out of options, you’re trapped.
And when you’re trapped, you’re helpless.
And being helpless is the most terrifying experience possible, especially when you have younger and older family members relying on you.
So when a beautiful man dismantles his entire identity, his entire way of life, to construct a new one with you that will be heavy on options and also—because he’s a rock of dependability—heavy on plans based on desire and not necessity, he’s really saying:
I choose you.
Now tell me, what do you choose?
The choices, it seems, start tonight.
Long, lazy bath sex or hot, steamy shower sex?
Hmm, tough one.
Watching YouTube glow-up vlogs with the girls or a nice movie with Xav before we all count down to the new year together?
Less tough.
Apparently, the choices will continue tomorrow.
A gastropub in Chelsea for New Year’s Day lunch, or a walk up Primrose Hill followed by a home-cooked roast?
Helping Xav deal with the fallout of his no-show at his own wedding, or encouraging him to ignore it altogether for a few more days so we can cosy up in our love bubble?
Dunno. Let’s see how we feel. The world is our oyster, and the horizon is blue, blue, blue.
Around ten p.m. I get a flurry of texts from Gen. I shouldn’t be surprised that she managed to read between the lines of today’s events in Oxford.
Looks like your boy made the right choice today
I’m so thrilled for you, my love
Consider yourself officially sacked
Next year is looking up for you two xxx
It really, truly is.