Chapter 5 #2
My eyes scan over his red face and jittery hands. He’s pretty keyed up. Do we really owe some money? My stomach churns.
He sucks a deep breath through his teeth. “I haven’t had so much work in the last month. I’ve been helping your mom. There are bills to pay. You need to pay your way.”
It’s like a slap across the face, and my nails curl into my palms. Yeah, I’ve always paid my way, jackass.
Unlike you. Helping my mom, my ass. He finds work sporadically, and when he does it’s all under the table.
He drinks away anything he earns in the bar down the street.
But I’m not going to start an argument with him.
I don’t like his mood, and I’m stuck here for the time being.
“You ask at that fancy job of yours,” he carries on. “Tell them some people in this world don’t have the cash to splash around on tech nonsense and have to put food in their stomachs and a roof over their heads. Tell them you need your paycheck this week.”
“This week!”
“Yeah, girl. Gotta get these guys paid.”
He moves off into the living room, and I stare after him. What guys?
Fuck. Is my mom aware of this? But I’ve got a bigger problem than money: I’ve got to get out of here tonight.
There’s no lock on my door. He could do anything.
But where the hell would I go? I have no friends from school.
They called me Slow Sadie: the stupid girl in the remedial classes.
Aunt CeCe would have been an option, except my mom is at her place, and I’d have to explain that Jake touched my ass.
Perhaps that is the right call, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that conversation and all its ramifications tonight.
The oven pings, and I take the food out and put it on a tray.
Jake grunts at me when I hand it to him—he’s distracted, thank God—so I choke down my creamy pasta sitting at the old pine table in the kitchen.
Could today really get any worse? I throw my tray in the trash and head to my room.
Pulling a backpack out from under my bed, I start throwing stuff into it, eyeing all my fantasy books on my shelves: Tolkien, Stephen Donaldson, The Hunger Games, Discworld.
My heart clenches. A few will have to tide me over.
Maybe I could find a cheap hostel for one night and then look for an apartment?
Would Williams Security give me an advance on my paycheck?
I’d have enough for a deposit then. I opened a credit card when I started working downtown, because Roy, my project manager, told me I’d need a credit score.
Hopefully that would be good enough now, but there might be ways around it, too.
I could move out of here immediately and permanently.
But, fuck, the last thing I want to do is rock the boat at work by asking for money; people just don’t do that.
Once I’m all packed up, I leave the bag under my bed and pop my head around the living room door.
“We’re out of milk. I’m going to head down to the grocery store.”
He nods, absorbed in the game, so I sneak back to my room, grab my backpack, and then I’m out in the corridor, trotting down the stairs.
Suddenly, his voice calls down the stairwell.
“Sadie!”
My heart leaps into my mouth. “Yeah, Jake?”
“Get me some smokes, too.”
“Okay!” I yell as I stand hovering on a step two stories down—the door slams. Calm down.
He’s not going to race down here after you, is he?
He moves at the pace of a slug. Out on the path between the buildings, I breathe in huge gulps of air as I adjust my bag on my back.
I’ve got clothes and cash, and my stomach is full: Life could be a lot worse.
I hustle down the quiet dark streets toward the subway, peering past mesh fences and railings into the shadows as the trees whisper above my head and the back of my neck tingles like I’m in someone’s crosshairs.
When I reach the station, joy of joys, it’s only a five-minute wait for a train downtown. Thank fuck.
But where the hell are you going, Sadie?
I pull up places to stay on my phone, but they all cost an arm and a leg—over a hundred dollars for a place tonight!
A hostel in Jersey City catches my eye—forty-three dollars for the night—and I zoom in on it.
It’s an hour and a half away, two trains and a bus, but it’s not like I’ve got any options, and my evening is free.
On impulse, I click through to the website and book it before it disappears.
Turns out I’m traveling the length of Manhattan this evening.
I have no idea how I’m getting into the office tomorrow, but I can worry about that on the way.
Hey Mom, I’ve gone to stay with a friend from work tonight, forgot to mention it to Jake when I left, in case he asks.
Sure thing, baby girl. Have fun! Aunt CeCe says hi!
I let out a long breath as the familiar hoot of a train reaches me from down the track.
At the hostel, the manager chats away to me as I fill in forms, even though it’s now past 10 p.m. It’s a typical house on a normal street that’s been converted, and the neighborhood is quiet, the streets are free from trash, and the houses emit a welcoming glow.
My bunk is in a dorm for six women, but the only other occupant is a girl who’s visiting from Australia.
She’s planning to see the sights and is thrilled to be in New York.
The manager walks me through a clean kitchen and a tidy living room, and the tightness in my chest from earlier tonight starts to ease.
I have a bed for the night, and I’m with some decent people.
This is a good option, great even. But the real problem is that I can’t stay here for very long because I don’t have the money.
I could stretch to three or four nights, but that’s it.
The thought of going back home … I’ve never liked Jake much, but now I don’t trust him at all.
And talking to Mom about it … she’s going to flip.
If I could bring the finding an apartment thing forward …
somehow … Jake’s idea of asking for my paycheck upfront isn’t so off the wall, but it still makes me shrivel inside.
Everyone at Williams Security has been welcoming and understanding, and they gave an awkward girl with no formal qualifications a job.
Okay, so they don’t exactly know I’ve got no qualifications, but still.
The following morning, I jump on the HBLR and then change to the PATH train that takes me to World Trade Center.
Walking across the tip of Manhattan, I weave through the narrow side streets as the sun glints through the buildings, gleaming skyscrapers towering above me.
How did I end up here? The journey to Water Street has taken only an hour, about the same as my commute from Queens.
There are no messages from my mom or Jake: Is that good or bad? Jake’s gotta be pissed I disappeared, though … Perhaps he was high. Maybe he’s forgotten the whole thing: Forgotten touching my ass when I bent over. A shudder rolls through me. I’m damn sure he won’t forget the money.
When I slip into the office, all I can do is blink around at all the bowed heads as I head to my desk. Roy raises his head and then winks at me. He always stops by my desk to ask how I’m doing, no matter how awkward I am with him. Everything is so normal, I can hardly believe it.
My eyes tighten as I put my backpack on the floor, sink into my seat, and move my mouse.
The code I was working on yesterday appears on my screen.
I’m not asking them for money. No way could I jeopardize my job with this company.
I love it here. I’m never leaving. I’ll be ninety and still writing software at this desk.
I almost jump when Des materializes like a genie beside me, blond hair gleaming.
He’s so good-looking it makes my eyes hurt.
He’s got a lovely boyfriend, Alex, who appeared in the office, visibly traumatized, a few weeks ago.
Then Alex disappeared, and Des ran off after him.
Everyone’s been gossiping about it ever since, ably helped by Des, who’s the biggest gossip of the lot. He keeps mentioning how lucky he is.
“Hey, chickadee! I thought we could have a catchup and go through your code. I know you talked to James, but I want to check on how you’re getting on. Just an informal chat?”
God, I do not want to do this today of all days. “Could we do it tomorrow?”
He cocks his head at me, and I chew my lip. I should give him an update. All my stuff is going well. I’m ahead, and it’d be smart to put that in front of him.
“It’s okay,” I say. “I can do it.”
His eyes narrow. “Are you sure it’s no problem? I’m trying to talk to everyone before I go to Korea.”
This is the other thing: He’s moving to the other side of the world to set up a new Williams Security office.
“Eleven a.m., then?” he says.
I nod. “Sounds good.”
When I sit down in the conference room, Des beams from across the table.
It’s like something has settled inside him since he got together with Alex, like he’s found the best thing in the world, and perhaps he has.
Even in the few months I’ve been here, I’ve realized that his life involves bailing out a bunch of fairly flaky friends, and that he gives more than he gets back.
As I take in his friendly grin, my eyes tighten with no warning.
Fuck, oh fuck. A tear plops onto my cheek. Sadie, what the hell?
Des’s smile fades as his eyes widen. He jumps up and zooms around the table, dragging a chair out next to me and taking hold of my hand as he sits. “Hey. Are you okay? What’s up?”
Oh God, this will put my job in jeopardy. Stop crying, you idiot.
“Crap, I’m useless when people cry. It makes me want to cry, too,” he adds, and sure enough, when I peer at him, his eyes are going red, and I laugh through my tears.
“I’m fine. I’m fine,” I say, swiping a hand across my cheek.